at a standstill
by shen salazar
Summary: a store at a secluded area lit up with numerous neon lights that lingered with spicy ramen smell and the smoke of crisp cigarette whiff was the perfect hideaway for two troubled teenagers. — t rated for strong language and other themes. katsuki/oc.
1. spices and smokes

**F O R E W O R D**

an introduction and warnings

at a standstill is a katsuki bakugou fanfiction under the category angst and fluff. i'm actually doing a combination of angst and fluff, wow. and yes of course, angst never leaves my stories.

THINGS TO CONSIDER ;

[001] regular updates

[002] yuuei/ua probably won't be featured too much.

[003] concerning 002, it is because i am focusing on a non-action packed story where everything is purely fluffy and romance.

[004] these are the possible yuuei students may appear: todoroki shouto and yaoyorozu momo. (no, i do not ship them. it's a sin for a fujoshi, mygod;;)

[005] bakugou may be just a little out of character, no one can really capture his attitude. tbh it's vv hard to write how he will respond or react.

[006] there are absolutely no op ocs. as i stated on 003, this is not an action-packed fanfic. no sports tournament, no quirk assessment, it will just focus on bakugou and kaya, and their lives.

[007] if you're wondering if little miss oc has a quirk, it's a secret.

[008] the story has mild yaoi/bl involved, but kaya isn't a boy, definitely. the other characters will just be a part of the concept to make the story more fun to write, it won't be too disturbing for homophobics.

[009] there are certain triggering parts for those who has addictions towards cigars, alcohol and pills.

a / n ;

that's about everything! it'll be your choice to read it or not. it's not good to receive complaints when they don't like the theme. hey sweetheart, here's a foreword. one complaint to the theme from a complete skank would just be hilarious. thank you for being interested, if ever!

off you go to chapter one!

———

 **S P I C E S**

 **A N D**

 **S M O K E S**

The city was devoured by night, conquered by stars and loomed over by the moon.

The neon lights from the nearby buildings and small stands were brightly lit up and the street vendors had the smoke coming from their grills mix in. The chatters of the civilians were amongst everything, and so were the light stepping sound of their footsteps.

Apart from those lit up signs was a small convenience store just by the alleyway. If you're sharp enough, you'll probably catch the sight of it. Not many people notices and comes by, so the customers were pretty much regular — those who live deeper into the compound. Not too much but not too few. Just the way most would like it.

Oh, and it might've escaped your notice, but a fifteen year-old girl owns the aforementioned store. While that would be surprising and a little illogical, it's actually possible — and it's pretty much real.

Kaya Tsumei was an out-of-school youth, but had money. Yeah, people questioned it from time-to-time, but after learning that a certain business was passed down to her by her deceased parents, they immediately understood. But if she had so much money on her hands, why was she an out-of-school youth? Nobody knew why. Weird kid. Not to mention she also had bad habits.

A chime rang out in the luminously lit and airconditioned room as a customer happened to enter. The person at the cashier, Kaya herself, smiled warmly at the customer, hastily tossing the crushed cigarette to the small portion of the counter underneath while the fire gradually dies down. Only then has she noticed that the customer was a regular; Katou-san.

She watched silently as he picked out a few carbonated drinks and some loaf from the top shelf on the fourth row. An amused hum thoughtlessly escaped from her mouth as she mused over his choice. Katou-san always ordered something like this, carbonated and bread. What a good son, probably. Doesn't even drink alcohol or smoke and he was twenty-five. Tough life.

"That'd be.." She looked at the wall clock for a short while, ".. on the house, I guess."

"On the house? Why?"

Kaya chuckled and wrapped his orders.

"It's Sunday. I close the store early at Sundays, remember?" Katou only blinked and let out a small smile, scratching the surface of his cheeks slightly.

"Right, right. Guess I was lucky to be the last then, thanks as always," He quickly accepted the paper bag with the store's logo on the front, carefully gripping the folded portion with a lone hand.

Right when he was about to leave, he followed a small reminder: "Stop smoking already, Kaya-chan. You're fifteen."

The girl cursed, she was definitely sure she hid that cigarette quick enough to not be noticed. The regulars were bugging her this month a lot about her long-lived addiction, semaphoring about possible lung problems. And so she tried to ease the regulars and 'tried', of course, to act like she isn't smoking as much anymore. She could only laugh at her failure.

"I'd do that when you stop buying those carbonated drinks and pieces of bread!"

And a faint, faded laugh was heard right before the chime rang once again.

She quickly tidied herself up and removed the store's signature cap. Serving the customers was lovely while being able to chat like you've known each other since birth. She never had too many friends back when she was still a child, since the ownership for the Yoake was passed down to her at the early age of eight. And from then on she have never seen the lights of school or friends around her age reiteratively. Although people helped her manage the store when she was young, so it wasn't a problem. It wasn't an issue as well. This lifestyle was better.

After that, she secured the money with a double lock and swiftly slid the keys in her pockets. She pulled the generator switch and left a note on the counter for the employees to see after she finished locking up. Yes, she had employees. They didn't exceed ten, though. She barely scraped by with a mere four.

Just when she was about to pull the metal covers that made a very unpleasant sound, mind you, she heard a rather grumpy voice behind her, which she didn't recognize. It wasn't a regular customer, definitely.

"Why the fuck are you locking up?"

When she turned around, someone who looked.. relatively grumpy as his voice greeted her with a scowl. He had ash blonde hair and red eyes that could be easily seen in the night as they flickered like scorching fire.

"I can't lock up?"

"Well yeah, because guess what, I'm going to buy!"

Kaya stifled a laugh as she found his attitude passably funny. He looked like a kid that got his candy stolen from the look on his face.

"What were you going to buy? I'll go grab some." Of course as the generous owner she was, it'll be free as well. What he will buy couldn't possibly be so expensive that she couldn't let it pass just once.

When he looked at her in disbelief, she almost rolled her eyes.

"How can I be so sure that you aren't some shoplifter of thief?"

She chuckled, "I'm the owner, sweet cheeks. Just tell me what you were gonna buy or I'm completely locking up."

"You're the owner?" Even more incredulity slipped from his mouth and Kaya just deadpanned, typical reaction from someone who've never heard of her predicament. It was something that can't be helped.

"That's it, I'm locking up, get out of here." When she was about to pull the metal covers again, a hand gripped her torso.

"Fuck, okay, wait stop! I need an instant ramen. The extra spicy one!"

Sighing for the second time, she pulled the covers and hastily unlocked the store. She had pretty good eyesight, so it was fairly easy to spot the instant ramen on big cups from the corner. Quickly picking out the one with an 'Extra Hot' sign, she headed to the generator to open up the heater. As she waits for the water to boil, she observed the grumpy boy who ordered it. He was muscular and had the looks, but the scowl and glare on his face seemed to be permanent. She was put out of her thoughts as the water poured down the cup.

When it soon filled up, she walked out of the store in a haste and finally, locked up. Luckily there were tables outside so she can serve the ordered food while being certain that the customer was comfortable at best.

"It's on the house, go ahead." She put down the cup and she saw the furrowing of his brows lighten up a bit. A bit. He still had that unfriendly demeanor.

Though she quickly realized that she gave two customers free stuffs and quite regretted it. But it can't be helped, she couldn't have foreseen that the last customer would come so late.

Giving no more thought into it, she pulled out a cigarette from her pocket and lit it up, smoke quickly being within view. She saw the strange look the boy gave to her and she chuckled.

"You smoke? You fucking look like my age."

"Ah, sorry, is it bothering you? I kinda got used to it. I'll turn around if you want, yeah?"

He just dismissed her with one hand and continued to slurp the noodles.

"Oh, and by my age, do you mean you're fifteen?"

"Mm."

An idea slipped into her mind.

"So what's your name?"

He stopped slurping the noodles and gave a reaction she didn't really expect. He buffed his chest and proudly stated:

"The name's Katsuki Bakugou and I'm going to be the number one hero! Don't forget it!"

And this time, she couldn't contain her laughter anymore. He was silly. Though she wasn't much of a fan on these.. heroes, or so they called them. She had quite the background on Allmight, and she knew that surpassing the aforementioned individual wasn't as easy as it seems to be.

"The fuck are you laughing about, bitch?" He growled and banged the table, and little bits of hot water carelessly flew out.

"It... It's nothing," She replied, trying to contain her laughter, "So where do you live around here? I live down the bunker, not a tough place to be honest."

"Why the hell am I being questioned?"

"Oh, I was just thinking about the probability of you being a regular customer here. Think about it, my store is perfect! Plus you can get a bonus friend which is...!"

He scoffed, "Let me guess, you?"

"Well aren't ya some sharp little shit, yeah, it's me! So what do you say?"

"No way in hell, bitch."

"Language."

"Smoke."

"That's very offensive."

"Whatever."

"Oh yeah, yeah, it's getting late kid. Go home alright?" Katsuki gave him his infamous growl while taking his cup of ramen and stomping away from her.

"I'm fifteen as well you bitch!" The shout rang out as an echo in the middle of the almost empty alleyway.

"Well who owns a business here?" She chuckled and waved, "I didn't hear a thank you yet for my generous lending of ramen! Be a good boy, Katsuki-chan!"

"Goddammit woman!"

She only cackled more at his reaction.

Wiping the table clean with her own bare hands, she slated for home. Even though she was alone and it didn't meet the requirements to be called as such, she still did so. It's good for your mental health. Thinking you were all alone and doesn't have a home to return to for warmth may not be so comforting, right?

Where she lived was pretty near. In fact, pretty near was actually an understatement. Because she lived just beside the Yoake Convenience Store. Stairs would be there, welcoming you to a vicinity as empty as you can ever imagine. Dark as if no one wanted to see the light; silent as if everybody was tired of living in noise.

Life was.. mediocre, in some sense, to Kaya. For almost seven years and a half, she has been used to living on her own. Company was welcomed, but it just wouldn't be the same. It seemed like her best childhood memories consists of sketching figures on the walls alone in an empty room, cooking her first meal only to eat it in a dining table where only she sat and entering a house full of the scars of her memoirs.

Kaya was independent. Maybe a little too much.

She unlocked the door and turned on the dim yellow light. Dirty disheveled clothes were scrambled on the floor and barren bags of chips continued to take refuge on the wooden table. She didn't have the energy to clean this all up — that was tiring. And as a matter of fact, she was very, very tired.

Tired in both ways possible.

Kaya puffed one last smoke and threw the creased cigarette out the open window. She took out another pack from her pocket and lit one up, the smell of domestic smoke greeting her with a light hum.

As she looked out the window, she failed to notice the tears run down her cheeks, battling with the fire igniting the cigarette.

\- - -

Yoake: the convenience store Kaya owns

 ** _ONLY IN THIS STORY, THESE TERMS MEAN:_**

Blond : light hair color

while Blonde : light color

blond and blonde are commonly regarded as for male and for female terms respectively, but this term change was something i just changed. thank you.

ALSO, a quick missive for the story themes:

{ at a standstill } contains triggering material. there are mentions of smoking, alcohol and mulling over self-harm.

smoking is not okay. it's not cool. it's not a requirement to be 'in' today. it is NOT a trend of sorts to follow.

understand that some smoke because of fun, but there are people who smoke because they don't have a choice. they can't put down the habit no matter how hard they try for their family or for themselves because once you get addicted in something, especially drugs and other harmful habits, it is not easy to let go. if you're smoking for fun, stop it before your lungs give up on you, before you realize what you're doing isn't right but it's too late. if you can't do it for others, do it for yourself.

i did not make kaya, my oc, one who is /addicted/ to smoking just for the hell of it.

it's to give you all an insight on how hard it is to fight off pleasures, especially long-lasting ones. i want kaya flawed, i don't want her to be someone you look up to because she's apparently 'cool' with all the smoking. she's not. i want the readers to look up to her because she was able to do something good, a change for the better. because she chose herself.

any themes about hinting self-harm, please do not attempt. it's awfully tempting, an escape you're so drawn to. i have been. i'm too much of a coward to try it, so i'm encouraging you all to be a goddamn coward too and fear for your fucking life. try and survive. busy yourself with things: writing, designing, knitting, drawing, singing, dancing, studying, anything! distract your mind from that particular section.

i know what's wrong seems right, but let's all try and be rational.

don't smoke, don't drink too much alcohol and don't self-harm. as for drugs, try vitamins instead of them. keep your health up and stay strong!


	2. pals and sobas

**P A L S**

 **A N D**

 **S O B A S**

The sun flickered a fulgent yellow blaze as the velvety clouds stirred, revealing a crystal clear skydome of blue.

Kaya observed how the fleecy, cottony clouds looked so carefree, laying over the bed of azure. It must've felt so nice to just hover around that comforting place of solace, away from the cruelness this world has to offer. Really. It must've felt great.

It's a shame she couldn't experience such thing.

Most of the time, life's unfair. Very unfair.

She undid her grasp to the staircase where she was and went straight to the Yoake, getting ready for another day that she has to forcably stretch her lips upward; just for the sake of show. And in her wake, she found herself wondering when she wouldn't have to fake everything anymore.

\- - -

The day was going by smoothly. In fact, the customers increased in number compared to the usual percentage. Accommodating them with Kaya alone was quite tiresome, but she wasn't really complaining. This is for the store's profit after all. More customers, more money. The argument was actually very simple.

Noon approached earlier than Kaya expected. Losing track of time was a habit of hers. Along with losing track of how many cigarettes she put underneath the counter. Probably about two digits or so, she wasn't really sure. She'd have to clean those up soon though, to keep the store's counter clean and her image out of possible suspicions. The person assigned on the CCTV Cameras - if none of the customers noticed her sloppy hiding - would be the only one to actually know how many she smoked for today.

So, she was safe for the time being. Even if she was the boss, the employees and the regulars were like her guardians. They seemed to care for her - well that, at least, is what she sees. Maybe it's pseudo emotions, but she felt oddly secure. Of course; that security wasn't permanent. She still felt distant and frail. That, she couldn't fake. Fooling yourself wasn't really an easy job.

That aside, at noon, students are usually around since school hours are over. That is why Kaya is looking forward to a swarm of students at this hour. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to drag one of her employees from rest to help her in serving the customers.

The chime rang and Kaya immediately put the store's hat on again, not really noticing that she spaced out. As expected, the person who entered was a student. It was pretty obvious from the uniform. The boy had a burnt part of his face, oddly enough, he had two colors of hair; seemingly separated, red and white. She didn't quite catch sight of his eyes - but the hues of it were definitely different, if you were to notice the slight glint.

He seemed to be looking around for something. He has already scanned the first two shelves, and was now moving on to the third shelf. After taking a look at almost all the products the Yoake has to offer, he approached Kaya.

"Excuse me, do you sell soba here?"

Kaya quirked a brow.

"Soba?"

"Uh, yes. The dried ones. Those for making.. cold soba."

Realizing what he meant, Kaya scratched the surface of her cheek and awkwardly let out a chuckle.

"Well, er, dried soba is usually found in supermarkets. I'm not really aware if convenience stores sell them, but it's guaranteed if you go to a supermarket. I'm very sorry." The boy blinked, and said a meek 'oh' in response.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. Thank you." And with that, he left. Leaving behind a faded chime.

She couldn't quite put it into words, but Kaya thought the boy was definitely peculiar. He also wore the uniform of Yuuei, and he looked like a responsible student at that. It was common knowledge that dried sobas are available at supermarkets, but maybe he doesn't know that. Kaya just shrugged it off.

The chime didn't last long untouched. After just mere seconds, it girdled once again. And at the sight of the person who entered, Kaya couldn't help but grin.

"Well, you should've told me you accepted my offer for regularity."

The spiky blond growled, "Shut it. Where the fuck are the ramen."

"You're such a polite gentleman, aren't you? Well, it's just beside the first shelf on the right, kind sir," He didn't reply back. Instead, he just went straight for the ramen and roughly looked for the extra hot flavor.

Kaya hummed, "Come to think of it, because you came here today, doesn't that mean you're my friend already?"

"Where in this hellhole did you get that?" He grumbled under his breath.

"It was kinda part of the promo yesterday. Kinda. Come here, be a regular and be my friend! Ain't that just wonderful, Katsuki-chan? I'm really generous on my offers."

"I didn't recall giving you my permission to call me 'Katsuki-chan'." He responded, placing a smoky red ramen cup on the counter. Kaya scanned the product and it made a beeping sound.

"Friends don't need permission. That's rule number one in friendship, okay? Oh and, need me to wrap it up or you're just gonna..?"

"Well, you're not my friend either, so," He snorted, "And nevermind wrapping the damn thing, I'll just eat it inside."

Kaya ignored his retort and just handed him over the ramen cup, "The heater is just beside the counter if you didn't notice, friend," She teased and cackled.

"Fuck you." Katsuki muttered as he took a seat at one of the free and empty tables.

"Same to you too, young man."

And the silence lingered.

Well not until a certain carbonated, bread-maniac entered the store.

"Ah, Katou-san! Meet Katsuki over there, a tsundere I found," Kaya introduced, stifling a laugh, to where Bakugou almost threw his noodles at her. If only he could waste the food, he totally will.

"Your boyfriend?"

Kaya grinned, "Not yet!"

Katsuki choked on his noodles.

"What the actual fuck, woman?!"

She guffawed and wiped the pseudo tears from her eyes, "Kidding, kidding! Katou-san, Katsuki-chan here is my best friend."

"We're fucking strangers, I don't even know your name - "

"Shush, it's Kaya."

Katou shook his head in amusement, "Aren't you two just adorable, huh."

Kaya enthusiastically nodded, "I know."

The blond just muttered a string of curses.

He stood up and put the empty ramen cup in the trash bin, to where Kaya was appalled.

"You finished that already?" He hummed in response, "Well, I look forward to seeing you tomorrow, my friend."

When he downright ignored her, she wasn't surprised at the least. But when he responded - even though it wasn't positive nor negative - imagine Kaya's shock.

"Whatever, woman."

Well, at least they weren't strangers anymore.


	3. cookies and companions

**a/n** ; just to make it clear, the second chapter was on the first day of ua.

\- - -

 **C O O K I E S**

 **A N D**

 **C O M P A N I O N S**

The chattering crowd entered Kaya's view as she entered the supermarket.

Taking a shopping cart from the corner, she hummed and went towards the shelf where most of the bread were. She needed some food or so to eat, and focused on bread. She was living on chips lately and that wasn't really healthy. She already smokes, she wouldn't like to make her condition worse.

"Well toasts are nice, but I'm looking for cookies, mm." She hovered her hand over the products, creating a small sound. Everything seemed to be just toasts, crackers and some local food snacks.

When she was about to turn to the next shelf, she saw a rather familiar-looking blond sticking out like a sore thumb just standing there with a scowl on his face, one arm resting on a shopping cart.

She whistled and walked to his direction, "Well who knew little Katsuki-chan was a good boy and goes to shopping. How surprising,"

At the sight of Kaya, Katsuki's brows — if possible — furrowed even more. Great. This day was just perfect.

Note the sarcasm.

"What the hell are you doing here, shitstain. You have a fucking store."

"I'd rather not abuse Yoake. I prefer supermarkets for my own personal needs."

Katsuki scoffed, "Yeah right, you're so fussy."

Kaya returned with a snicker, "What, you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Before the hot-headed blond could even respond, someone looking oddly familiar to him entered the scene, carrying a pack of instant ramen stored in plastic.

"What's this, Katsuki? Meeting up with a girl while I'm gone, eh? Why don't you introduce her?" Her voice - though feminine, had a similarity to Katsuki's. Kaya immediately thought of this woman to be his mother.

"Fuck no! And why isn't that spicy flavor?!" Katsuki grumbled and pointed at the ramen pack. That's when Kaya noticed that it was chicken flavor, and mentally laughed. How sad.

"I like chicken flavor so shut up. And your language. And do you mind introducing this lady here? How impolite, that's not what I teach you, you punk."

Kaya resisted the urge to really laugh this time. They had an uncanny resemblance, one you can't unsee. Knowing that the blond probably wouldn't introduce her, ever, she decided to take over.

"No need, ma'am. I'm Kaya Tsumei, a friend of your son.. I assume?" She held out her hand as an amiable greeting, tilting her lips upward - showing a bit of her teeth.

"Ah yes, the brat's my son. You've got some cute name over there, well, I'm glad to see that my boy here is making decent friends. I'm Mitsuki," She shook the hand held out for her, accepting the greeting and matched her smile in return.

They seemed to have pleasant faces, except for one specific person.

"That bitch ain't my friend, lay off, Mom!"

Kaya waved it off, "Ma'am, I'm sure you know that your son's quite the tsundere. He doesn't like admitting our friendship a lot."

Mitsuki cackled, "I like you already! Alright I approve this. Katsuki, I'm proud of you. You've come a long way."

"Shut the fuck up, Mom!"

"What did I tell you about your goddamn language, Katsuki Bakugou?!"

"Fucking look who's talking!"

Kaya smiled at the sight of the mother and son, remembering the days when she still had one. Who knows what they'll be like. It could've been.. nice.

"As much as I'd like to stay, I've got to go look for my food supply. Have a nice day, Ma'am. Katsuki-chan." Kaya gave one last nod towards them and left the scene, looking for the ever-so-evasive cookies.

"Holy fuck — she calls you Katsuki-chan!"

"Goddammit."

"You've grown, brat!"

"Mom, for the nth time, shut the fuck up!"

\- - -

Because Kaya went to buy groceries, an employee was left in charge of the Yoake. To be honest she doesn't feel like going to the store right now. Currently, she's lying peacefully on a comfy bed and dim light — which made her even more sleepy and lazy. She hasn't even unpacked the boxes from the grocery.

In the end, she was able to buy cookies. Shocker. Yeah, the cookies ended up being located in the next shelf where she first looked. She bought some crackers as well, things for the house and such. And maybe, just maybe, three packs of chips. She promised the chips she'd donate them to the store. It was quite an overly-dramatic scene, considering how odd Kaya can be.

A knock forced itself on her door.

From the bedroom, she shouted, her voice loud enough to be heard, "What is it?"

"Kaya-chan, someone's looking for you at Yoake."

This captured her interest. Kaya, although slowly, put on some slippers and headed towards the door, where Amira was standing.

"Oh? Well that's a surprise. A regular?"

"I'm not really sure. But he kind of said, 'where the f is the woman on the counter. Kaya, yeah that b.'"

Kaya blinked and surely, she knew who came looking for her. It was confusing her as to why, though. She didn't really think he'd come back at all.

"Holy smokes, Ami. You just can't curse can you? Not even indirectly." Kaya found this fact rather amusing. Amira, no matter what, doesn't curse. It made her and the other employees curious, but she only replied when they asked her with: I don't know.

"Kaya-chan. Don't laugh."

So Kaya put a hand on her mouth.

"Totally." Was what she was supposed to say, but it came out as a muffled voice.

The trip to Yoake on foot didn't last a while. The bunker and the store was literally just next to each other. Kaya never seemed to give intention on moving places. For her, it was more convenient.

Once she set foot on the store, a spiky blond greeted her with a grimace.

"Yeah, nice seeing you as well, Katsuki-chan."

"Why the fuck are you here."

"Thought you called for me?"

Katsuki made a face, "Fuck no. I was just asking where you were because I was so glad that I won't be seeing you for the second time in this shitty day."

"No need for the lies. Yeah, reasons, reasons. Don't worry. I'll give you my address if you want." Kaya striked a 'good guy pose' and grinned, grabbing the usual uniform for Yoake.

"Don't miss me too much, I'll just go change a bit."

"Hoping you don't come back, you piece of shit."

She guffawed at his usual reaction.

After she finished changing the white buttoned-up sleeve uniform and the Yoake's gray-ish cap, she headed towards the ramen shelf and found that most of the extra hot ones were already bought. This was because the extra hot flavor wasn't frequently bought, so she settled with only a few. Customers would usually go for the regular spicy.

"I think we're gonna run out of Extra Hot ramen stock someday if you keep buying them." Kaya commented, tapping the ramen slightly.

"We'll you'd just have to buy more now, then."

She didn't respond, and pondered over his reply. If she'd have to buy more, doesn't that mean he intends to come by regularly?

Kaya smiled at the thought.

Company wasn't bad at all.


	4. crescents and cigars

**C R E S C E N T S**

 **A N D**

 **C I G A R S**

The night looked so much better with a full moon.

In all honesty, that was Kaya's thought. People would mostly tell that it looks better because the full moon gives more light — much like a spotlight apart a dark vicinity. But for her, it meant so much more than just a light glimmering against her hair, more than just a light that kept stretching its hands to reach where she is.

This light gave her company in the midst of all the chaos the world has offered.

The world turns everyday and you would wonder why you haven't felt it turn at all. School would often explain it as gravity, and some use of the earth 'slowly turning' so it won't be felt. However, it was different for Kaya.

Because the day her parents died, she felt the world turn upside down.

So she questions why; why everyone looked so ignorant when the world all around her turned so wild.

\- - -

Staying awake when all you wanted was to fall asleep definitely wasn't easy. Kaya was deprived of this slumber. She finds it hard to close her eyes and enter an area of concord, wherein temporary — she'll be distant of her nightmares, of everything keeping her awake.

She motioned for an employee to come over, "Po-san, would you mind taking over? I kinda need a little break."

Po, or Pogako, responded with a teasing smile, "You're not gonna go for a smoke, are you?"

"Why would I ever?" Kaya dramatically gasped, "I just asked for a break and I feel so attacked."

"Just so you know, we don't mind. If that's what you need to feel fixed, then we have no right to take that from you."

Kaya only mustered a smile in return.

Customers were gone as soon as they came once the clock striked twelve. Students would be home, and those who haven't left yet were only regulars. They were lounging around the store sharing laughs with the employees, being well acquainted with each other. Kaya was, in agreement to Pogako's statement, smoking outside the store.

She noted that Katsuki didn't come. Not at day or even at noon. And this night, the alleyway held no signs of ablaze ferocious red eyes.

Yes; she'd admit she felt down about that. She expected him to come even though she always teased him about every little thing. Even if she was some annoying 'woman' or 'bitch' as he labeled her.

"Won't your customers feel so fucking irked by all that damn smoke you're puffing, woman?"

Although taken back, Kaya lets out a low chuckle, "Speak of the devil and it will appear,"

She faced the blond, "Nice to see 'ya, Katsuki-chan."

"The feeling's not mutual, shitstain." Was all he said before heading towards the double doors of Yoake. For a brief moment, Kaya heard the lively crowd inside when the door opened slightly. But the noise died down as quickly as it came, and she heard the erringly silence engulf the night once more.

The vividly lit up aphotic lavender neon sign of the Yoake that stood out in the dark, empty alleyway and the smoke from her cigar that danced like wildfire kept her from realizing that she was alone. She chose to be separated from the rest because the longer she spent time with them, the more she caught up to the fact that she didn't belong. That everything she was feeling was nothing but a fictitious, scorching plastic.

Her thoughts run wild and they seemed to go on forever. And thankfully, a rigid placing of a ramen cup in front of her halted these unstoppable thoughts for a while.

She was about to follow up with a tease against Katsuki, but she was cut off.

"Don't," He growled, "Just fucking don't."

She ignored that and whistled, "I knew I was so irresistible."

"Irresistibly irksome." He countered, "The damned place is so noisy, I actually questioned if I was in a convenience store or a night club."

Kaya cackled, "Both?"

"For fuck's sake, shut up."

"Yeah, how about no."

Katsuki really attempted to throw the whole ramen cup at her. But decided not to, and kept his sanity at bay; if it still was. Receiving no response, Kaya only shrugged and continued talking.

"The moon's nice tonight."

Nothing but violent slurping of noodles.

"You look nice tonight."

At Kaya's sudden statement, Katsuki really almost threw his ramen cup. He would, but he was kind of choking a little due to the surprise.

"What the fuck, Kaya."

Instead of firing back, her eyes sparkled and she squealed, "You called me Kaya and not bitch or woman! Or shitstain, but, yeah. Achievement, right? I'm making some kind of progress and I'm quite proud," She hummed and nodded.

"The acquaintances shell is cracking, I can feel it. This is a breakthrough!"

"I will fucking sew your mouth shut one day."

"That day's not today, my friend."

He scowled and his gaze shifted to the pack of cigarettes Kaya had put on the table moments ago.

"Oh yeah. I forgot to ask why you were smoking all the time."

Kaya saw it odd for him to be interested in things like her addictions. She wouldn't call it a severe addiction, but for some reason, she can't just really stop smoking. Whenever she's troubled — and because she always is, she needed the cigarettes.

"Why'd 'ya ask?"

He continued to slurp his noodles as he shrugged off the question.

"Ah, well. Er, I don't have a specific explanation for it. My dad always smoked, I saw him doing it when I was really young and keep a secret: I tried out a cigarette at age four to five. I don't remember when exactly, but yeah."

"Four to five? Damn, I knew you were deranged."

"I am not deranged, I feel insulted."

"Sure you do."

She waved her hands in front of him, "Hello, I'm a human being. I can feel fucking insulted, thank you."

"Oh fuck, you're human?" He scoffed, "Well damn, what do you know, you learn something new everyday."

"Shut up."

Yes, the night definitely looks so much better with a full moon.

\- - -

 **a / n ;** please leave a review of what you currently think of the story so far if it wouldn't be much of a trouble !! i'll try adding more chapters then ~


	5. seclusions and promises

**S E C L U S I O N S**

 **A N D**

 **P R O M I S E S**

Kaya's early morning dawns were always spent alone.

And somehow, this time, it wasn't.

At the company of the soon-rising-sun and nearby birds, there she sat with a certain blond who didn't have an intention of going home. He had taken several spicy foods from Yoake's shelves, which kept him from leaving.

She never expected him to stay until the sun was slowly creeping up the horizon.

Things were nice. Quite nice, indeed.

Even though they spent hours bickering, giving snarky remarks here and there, Kaya felt his presence assuring. Maybe it was because all this time she's been staring at the sky hoping for a shooting star to come by as she sat alone that she forgot what it was like to have someone beside her. Maybe it was because she was so used to talking and being with herself once the moon slowly drops to give entrance for the sun that she forgot how it was like to be complete.

"You're staring at the sky like some kind of emo shit again," Katsuki commented, taking a bite of his jalapeno.

She chuckled, "Honestly that shouldn't be any of your concern," she pointed at his jalapeno, "You're eating hot red pepper for Christ's sake. Where'd that come from?"

He shrugged.

"Brought the damn thing with me. Just in case the food's not spicy enough." Kaya quirked a brow at this. She didn't know he loved spicy food that much.

"You brought a jalapeno in case the extra hot ramen's not spicy enough?" She said, her voice dripping with incredulity as she emphasized the flavor.

"Hm, yeah? Somethin' like that."

"And you told me hours ago I was deranged. I beg to differ, please."

"This is fucking normal. You're not." He replied with a small growl, still munching a jalapeno.

"I'm not too normal but I'm not on your crazy level, that's so rude. I'm offended being par to your insanity."

"So you have a quirk? The hell is it?"

At his sudden question — which, not to mention, was so out of topic — she really thought he had a world of his own revolving around him.

"What? Where'd 'ya pick that up from? We're talking about your state of mind here, not quirks."

"You said you're not too normal, woman."

She cackled.

"You're insane. That wasn't what I implied," She hummed, "You said you're gonna be the top hero once, didn't you?"

"Yeah, yeah." Katsuki drawled boredly, the words coming out of his mouth ever-so-slothfully.

"My parents were killed by a villain."

The air around them abruptly thinned.

"They were just innocently treading through the city, but they got caught up in everything that day," She chuckled lowly, tapping the table harmoniously with two fingers.

"So, promise me you're gonna her rid of all those villains someday?"

Katsuki no longered savored his jalapeno.

"Of course I fucking will. I'll surpass them after all."

A huge burden suddenly felt lifted off Kaya's shoulders. For a while, she felt like she was pulled out of water, still gasping, still dampened, still out of breath — but she could finally breathe — little by little.

"You promise?"

"The hell are you, kindergarten?"

"Just say it."

Katsuki clicked his tongue.

"Yeah.. I promise."

Steam rose in Kaya's vision.

"I'll be counting on that, Katsuki-chan."

\- - -

"Kaya-chan? You're still here?" Katou asked at the sight of a rather tangled, messy violet hair sitting on a table.

Recognizing the voice, Kaya's head shot up from the table, as she wasn't really sleeping, just resting her eyes. She quickly combed her hair with her fingers, sliding through it rather roughly at the ends.

"Hm? Yeah. I chatted with someone earlier."

"The blond guy?"

She nodded.

Only then has Katou noticed her bloodshot eyes. Red and swollen; it was certain that she cried at the remainder of her time outside. But for what?

"You were crying." He pointed out, crossing his arms. Kaya only laughed lightly, turning her gaze to the soft-hued sky.

"I guess my eyes haven't died down in color yet."

"No, it didn't," Katou sighed and sat down across her, "Why?"

"It's nothing you should really bother yourself with, Katou-san." Kaya commented, looking him in the eyes before closing them just to shift into another direction.

"I should be asking you how you felt in there. Seeing Po-san and Ami together."

Katou chuckled, "It's painfully obvious that you're changing the topic. But," He blinked away the expression of his eyes, "I pulled a nice act."

"You're still so set on waiting for Po-san?"

"It's for Pogako. So yes, I guess I am."

Kaya noted how Katou's eyes twinkled, how his usually devoid eyes flickered an emotion and how his tired reconnaissance faded away just at the mention of his name.

"Even if it's very likely they'll have reciprocated feelings?"

He nodded, "Even if Amira wins once, I'll still be here. Do tell me though, Kaya-chan,"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think he'll accept me once he knows?"

Kaya blinked twice at his question.

"Are you kidding me, Katou-san? I'm sure he will. There's nothing wrong with loving the same sex."

Katou laughed. Though it was not a hearty laugh, it was empty. It was dripping in false-heartedness, it almost made Kaya flinch.

"For you, there isn't. Others think otherwise," Katou smiled, "Kaya-chan, not everybody's breathing sunshine like you do."

Kaya's eyes dulled and shadowed, her eyes shifting back to the sky which was now slowly regaining color. Her life didn't even feel like breathing sunshine. It didn't even look like there was something like a 'sunshine'. She breathed underwater, where for her, it was much, much easier to breathe.

"I look like I'm breathing a lot of sunshine, don't I," She chuckled — akin to Katou's earlier devoid laugh, "Honestly, Katou-san, we're all suffocating inside. All wounded."

"Probably," He muttered, "Perhaps there's something under your snarky grins."

"Oh yeah?" She asked with a light snicker.

He nodded, "There's always something under everybody's happy facades."

"Was that for me?"

"Were you affected?"

"Maybe."

And Kaya grinned.

"There it is." Katou exclaimed, pointing at her face, beaming like he found a discovery.

"What?"

"That snarky grin."

And they both filled the air with trifling laughter.

"Hey, Katou-san."

"What is it?"

"Is it painful? What you're feeling right now? Love, was it?"

Katou was surprised that this question came from Kaya. The person that deemed love insignificant in conversations, the person that thought love could last for so many years, but never a lifetime.

"You're fifteen, you shouldn't be asking that already."

She smacked him playfully.

"You're old enough to tell me," She inhaled, "Is love that hard?"

And along with the sun that slowly crept up the horizon, Katou's lips tilted upwards.

"Yeah. It always is."

\- - -

 **a/n ;** a light and soft chapter for the fluffy and angsty souls everywhere.

and if someone's gonna ask, yes. katou is gay. pogako is a man and amira is a woman (katou likes pogako, pogako likely has feelings for amira and so does she).


	6. hopes and flavors

**H O P E S**

 **A N D**

 **F L A V O R S**

People loved what we call "hope" – the promised land, as others dubbed it.

The question is why. Hope is nothing but a distant dream, absolutely nothing but a void field of suspense that leaves everyone wanting for more. Kaya concluded this as the humans' nature of being masochists when it comes to the very idea of the promised land. Because all of our greedy hearts desired for something like comfort and ease. Yet it appears once again that humans are naturally gluttonous to contentment.

Perhaps that's why other masses tend to be suicidal. Maybe it's because they don't like the life here on earth, so they try to find solace somewhere else. Although they aren't sure of what's to come at the afterlife, they choose to risk their very existence just to escape from the aching throb of their hearts.

Suicidal people wants to die not because they have lost all hope. They want to move on because they have hope that sometime after their death, they'll find the comfort they couldn't find on earth.

Kaya was neutral at the idea of slitting wrists and hanging ropes. It wasn't bad; but it wasn't particularly good either. Nobody can understand them than themselves only. No one has the right to decide who deserves to live and who doesn't.

So when her neighbor asked her if she was suicidal or not, she only mustered a smile and a quick reply:

"I'm not sick of this world yet."

\- - -

Kaya's lavender locks mixed well with her blanched irises and skin. Her hair was always tied up in a simple ponytail with a bit of the strands lounging on her forehead pushed back sloppily. Keeping a neat look while serving customers happens to be a great deal. Even though she tends to keep her exterior appearance adequate, she didn't think even a certain vexating ash blond individual would notice.

"I'm surprised you actually noticed that I am trying to be presentable."

He only grinned up at her, his eyes portraying excitement, "Honestly if this was a normal day I wouldn't give two flying fucks about how adequate or half-assed you looked, but yeah."

"I'm torn if I should be glad or offended."

"Offended."

"Okay, I'm gonna ignore that insult," She waved her hands dismissively, "What's so great about your day anyways?"

"My time has come to prove them all wrong," His eyes seethed with determination as they blazed with smoky red drive and soul and fire, "I'm gonna beat those bastards up so bad, they will never doubt me."

Kaya blinked once or twice, only looking at Katsuki's direction for a whole 30 seconds. She noted how he didn't look angry despite what he just said. He looked rather driven with purpose and ideals. An unyielding look of tenaciousness adorned his usually scowling appearance.

"Well someone's worked up. I'm sure you're gonna beat 'em real good," She pushed his ramen cup closer to him, "But before that beating up shit, you should finish that ramen."

"Don't wanna," He wailed, "It's like a dull piece of shit with no flavor."

Kaya laughed and puffed a smoke, "Not my fault you bought all the extra hot ramen in a flash."

"You should've bought more then."

"Didn't have the time to," She reasoned with a yawn, "People like the regular spicy anyways so I didn't bother buying much stock. But the regular spicy isn't spicy enough for you, isn't it?"

"I thought I already made that freaking obvious."

"Not quite," Kaya commented, "So what's up with that 'I'm gonna prove them all wrong' drama?"

"In two weeks, there will be a sports festival and I'm gonna train until I drop to beat those punks. Especially that asshole Deku." He spat out venomously, his intent getting clearer by word. He really means to win – and from the looks of it, he'll take any obstacle coming his way.

Kaya smiled. From the way he talked about that Deku, it really implied that he looked at him as a rival — or maybe someone he recognizes, despite not being aware of it. As someone that he'll do anything to outmatch. When she first saw him, she knew he had a superiority complex. And hearing that he actually deems someone worthy enough of standing beside him or someone he acknowledges could catch up to him, her impression of him became a tad better than before. Because he'd never feel like beating this.. Deku will prove something if he didn't hold him in high, or in Katsuki's standards, at least in a high enough regard.

"You must really have something against this Deku guy, huh."

He scoffed, "The hell I do. That bastard. They're all bastards."

Kaya's brows rose in height, "Wow, you have a huge problem with this world, don't you?"

He only shrugged and stared at his ramen with disgust.

"This shit doesn't deserve the title of spicy."

"So even ramen has titles now. You keep teaching me new stuff, Katsuki-chan." She commented with a cackle. The said boy only picked up a handful of noodles with his chopsticks and threw it directly at Kaya's face which, prior to what happened, was now drenched in pure shock. And a bit of noodles.

"You're a piece of shit, Katsuki-chan."

Katsuki offered a boisterous laugh, "Yeah. I've been told I have this pretty badass accuracy."

"You don't just waste Yoake's precious products like that without facing the judgement of the heavens, you crude asshat." She then threw her lit-up cigarette that made its way straight to the ash blond's arm.

"That was fucking out of line, woman!"

"Oh? But I thought I had some spot-on accuracy too."

"You fucking scorched me with your cigarette."

"I could figure that out by myself, thanks," She shrugged, "It was intentional."

Katsuki grunted, "Next time I'm going to blast you with my explosion."

"That's your quirk? That's nice."

"It's not just 'nice', you unappreciative mule, it's downright and straight-out awesome."

"I'm glad your quirk's straight, unlike you."

"The fuck was that, you bitch?!"

"Someone's triggered."


	7. intervals and numbers

**I N T E R V A L S**

 **A N D**

 **N U M B E R S**

When Kaya was six, there was one time that she got sent to detention for boldly shoving a table to one of her classmates.

See, this classmate of hers just asked her if she wanted to join her for lunch.

Kaya wasn't exactly.. a sociable human being during her childhood. She always thought that she'll be just fine on her own. Convinced that things will turn out a lot better if she was alone, the task befriending was automatically out of her to-do-list.

While on detention though, her sensei on first grade gave her a little pep-talk. Of course as her homeroom teacher, she's aware of her habits. Of how she always ends up working alone on group projects (insisting she wants to), and of how she sedately eats her lunch by herself; not even bothering to get out of the classroom. She was well aware of all the things this introverted student of hers does on school. She never thought she'd go as far as shoving a table to her classmate while a teacher was around.

This teacher of hers put her into numerous youth activities that needed communication skills, groups, gatherings, stuff like that. Kaya, at first, didn't accept this abrupt change in her life very warmly. She was, without a doubt against the idea. It was beyond her limit of comprehension as a six year old child why her teacher would go to such boundaries.

She was thankful though. She was glad she put up with so much exposure to things she was uncomfortable with in the past. If she didn't, she wouldn't be where she is right now. She had.. friends. At the very least, she could call them that. Most of them were probably much older than she is, but that isn't really something to raise an issue about.

Well at least she has someone her age considered as an acquaintance, maybe even a friend. This fiery blond would probably consider her much less, but she didn't care anyway.

How would she care about that now, when she's currently enjoying striking his nerve every single minute?

"Piss off." He grimaced, gesturing her to walk herself out and just leave him alone for once. Kaya just chuckled at his pitiful attempt to ged rid of her presence.

"What? I just got here."

You see, Kaya was sick tired of lounging in her house for no apparent reason at all. Well, maybe it was because Amira insisted for her to take the day off and let them run the convenience store for a while. The other employees agreed as well, Kaya labelling them as 'traitors'. Saying she was spending too much time working, when she could enjoy the wonders of life and the joys of being a teen. For the first few hours of just walking and walking like a local lethargic folk, that 'wonders of life' and 'joys of being a teen' wasn't really working out. Thankfully, she managed to cross paths with a certain blond, if you haven't figured that out yet. And then her day got increasingly amusing.

"I'm starting to think you're a stalker."

Kaya mockingly gasped, "Oh my god, you figured me out. I'm so impressed, Katsuki-chan. Such amazing deductive talents you have! Of course, I had a day off work, and I would spend that time stalking you, what else could it possibly be?"

"Are you being sarcastic, woman?"

"It's not called sarcasm, it's called honesty."

Katsuki let out a low growl, "You're just fucking with me, aren't you?"

Although, the lilac haired gal only shrugged, "If I wanted to fuck with you I would've done it a long time ago."

Silence engulfed them and just then did Kaya realize how wrong that sounded, immediately sweating and flailing her arms around.

"Um okay, that came out so wrong. Ugh," She hit her forehead with her palm, "I knew it sounded so much better in my head. Just forget about it." And even with that, Katsuki's face still had an expression of 'what-the-fuck'.

"For the love of God, just drop it. I'm no good with words. Where are you heading anyway?"

Letting the matter immediately drop, Katsuki gestured to the mini café behind her. It was alluring with the aesthetic mixture of gray and nude flush altogether. Kaya was mildly surprised that he goes to such places. You'd think someone like him would probably be chilling in some club, or something of the sort. Then again, he was still a minor.

"You have nice taste, Katsuki-chan. Mind if I accompany you?" Kaya chirped, her eyebrows rising slowly in a suggestive manner.

Katsuki rolled his eyes, "Do what you want."

Kaya blinked, pinched her cheeks and flicked her right ear. Was she hearing things right?

"Did you just agree? Holy shit—"

"Shut up."

"So you're finally accepting me as your pal? I'm touched!"

"Fuck no."

"Lies."

"That's it, I change my mind. Get the fuck away from my sight."

Suddenly, a small girl not younger than five, probably, bumped into Katsuki. The blond, still hot-headed due to their bickering, faced the kid and spat:

"Watch it, brat." His tone was violent and venomous, matching his expression. He looked barbaric, to say the least. Kaya felt pity towards the little girl; she's probably going to be traumatized all her life.

And as if on cue, the girl backed away with tears in her eyes.

Kaya, alarmed, slapped Katsuki's shoulder.

"The hell, Katsuki-chan! You made the poor girl cry! Look."

But Katsuki only shrugged it off, "Ain't my fault this punk didn't watch where she's going."

"Seriously?" Kaya deadpanned, sighing, kneeling down to reach the little girl's small frame, "Uh, hey, you okay? I'm sorry for this guy. He's been through a lot this day.. um.." Kaya reached out to her pockets, finding only a pack of her cigar and a lighter.

That wasn't right, she remembered that she stuck a lollipop here or two before going. Her eyes lit up when her hand hit a familiar circle-shaped candy.

"Here, have this." She let out a sigh of relief when the girl accepted it and calmed down.

The young girl immediately stood up, hugging Kaya quickly. Jumping, she umwrapped the lollipop and popped it in her mouth, a gleam of innocent glee reflected in her eyes. Somehow, it reminded Kaya of what she lost; that innocent happiness.

"Thanks so much, pretty lady!" Her words were a little clumsy still, to where Kaya chuckled at. She skipped away happily, a lollipop in her mouth.

Kaya faced Katsuki then after.

"You totally scared that girl. I bet she's gonna have nightmares of you tonight."

He scoffed, "Whatever."

Just like that, they headed for the café just across the road. They didn't order much, just two cups of regular coffee. In Katsuki's case, though, he preferred the black one. The two decided for a take-out, since the café was pretty much full already. It'd be bothersome to wait for a table anyways.

Before they parted ways, Kaya called out to Katsuki.

"Hey, Katsuki-chan! Let's exchange contacts!" He just gave her an odd look before pulling out his phone from his pocket.

Apalled that he actually gave it that quick, Kaya stared at him for a few moments.

"The fuck is it?" Katsuki, noticing her stare, felt uncomfortable. Never has it been very comforting to feel someone's burning gaze on you.

"Oh, it's nothin'!"

After exchanging contacts, the two parted ways.

"Bye, Katsuki-chan!"

"Yeah."

Used to the response, Kaya didn't ponder much about it.

\- - -

TO: katsunki

fr: kaya tsumei

[ awesome owner slash friend coming through yeah yeah good night to u katsuki-chan (; ]

TO: loud bitch

fr: katsuki bakugou

[ shut the fuck up ]

TO: katsunki

fr: kaya tsumei

[ ain't even talking smartass and btw you're named kaTSUNki on my contacts if u got the pun send 'kaya is awesome!' ]

TO: loud bitch

fr: katsuki bakugou

[ cHANGE THAT U FUCKER ]

TO: katsunki

fr: kaya tsumei

[ but katsuki-chan, that's not how you spell 'kaya is awesome' ))": ]

\- - -

Kaya laughed out loud, putting down her phone in the process. Getting his contact was a genius idea, since she could bother him anytime, as long as he opens his inbox. Pogako, seeing the fifteen year old girl laugh to herself outside Yoake, grinned.

"Seems like you enjoyed your day off."

Kaya turned to the owner of the voice, who was Pogako, leaning towards the door frame.

"Hm? Yeah," Kaya smiled, "I did."


	8. lies and hereafters

**L I E S**

 **A N D**

 **H E R E A F T E R S**

Lying was probably an occurrence anyone with consciousness and control over their own mind has experienced.

In Kaya's daily life, lying wasn't foreign. As a matter of fact, smiling when there was absolutely nothing to smile for has already been accepted to her bitter reality long ago. She hasn't been herself for so long, and it's numbing whatever's still inside of her. The remnants of the old Kaya; with eyes that sparkled beyond doubt.

Even though she was lying herself, deceiving others to thinking she's not longing for what she doesn't have, she felt nothing – no despair, no regret. Just a mind full of questions. Just a mind that tends to always wonder, trying to fathom the unfathomable.

She wouldn't deny that she's constantly pondering about what it would be like if she cared for herself. If she did, maybe she won't feel as hollow. Maybe. There was nothing that's certain in this world. Especially when you've experienced how cruel this uncertainty is first-hand. The perplexity of what isn't bound to be permanent.

This thought was simply dismissed at the back of her mind though; even if it was nagging her. Looking up from the book she was reading, she quickly realized that it was already noon.

"Done reading, Kaya-chan?"

Turning to the owner of the voice, which was Katou, she closed the book with a soft thud.

"Yeah. It had some unfamiliar words that I haven't encountered much. Y'know, I'm not at school. I do readings concerning different subjects in my spare time, though. Makes me feel like I ain't missing out on anything." The statement was true. Even though Kaya was an out-of-school youth, that doesn't mean she couldn't read some books when she wanted. Still, in Japanese Literature, things were pretty rough. There are words she couldn't recognize.

"Is that so? Makes me curious why you're not going to school. I'm pretty sure you could fend for yourself."

Kaya chuckled, "A normal life is nothing but a distant dream I've buried a long time ago. Seriously, things are better this way! I've heard studying is like, stressful. At least I control when I read and when I don't."

"Yeah, I guess.." Sighing, Katou placed two cans of soda on the counter, "When I was still studying it was hell on earth. You would begin to imagine your senseis were satan in the flesh."

Kaya laughed lightly at that comment. She took note of the count of Katou's soda.

"Two? You're being gluttonous. This thing is like 500mL per can." She shrugged, nonetheless, scanning the products.

There was a faint blur of a familiar face whizzing by the door of Yoake. Kaya squinted her eyes at the man, recognizing his features right away. And, this man was supposed to be on a day off.

Smirking, Kaya put back the sodas, "I'm guessing I won't have to wrap it up, since..." She gestured to Pogako, the man waiting outside.

"I'm proud, Katou-san! I am indeed! I'm like the mother of this homo ship, y'know. Go and work it!"

Katou smacked her playfully.

"I only invited Pogako for a little drink, figuring he was a little lonely when I bumped into him. "

Kaya chuckled at that.

"Bumped into him? Bullshit! I know very well you've been following him," Katou gave her a what-the-fuck-does-that-mean look, "And I've gotta say, sly. Very sly. You go, Katou-san!"

Katou only grabbed both cans with a lone hand, using the other to raise a middle finger to Kaya.

"The fuck, Katou-san! I'm a minor! You're such a bad influence!" And again, Kaya was cackling. Wiping pseudo tears from the corners of her eyes, she watched Katou sit across Pogako, his demeanor changing immediately. It made Kaya want to lie on the floor and clucth her stomach laughing.

Such a rare sight of him, really.

\- - -

Bakugou was not feeling well.

And no; that's not because he was sick, injured, or anything. It was because after training in the Replica City District for the Sports Festival and grabbing a drink, the perverted bastard Mineta saw him with Kaya. Which he usually refers to in his mind as 'woman' or some loud annoying thing. Waking up to the notification that Mineta has tagged him into a picture of him and Kaya drinking coffee, with a disturbing caption at that, made him incredibly irked.

Checking the post once again, he did not give into the temptation to crush his phone.

MINORU MINETA 

: bakugou with a hot lady i'm jea lou s!!

( insert photo )

[write a comment..]

Midoriya Izuku

kacchan has a girlfriend???? (๑o๑)

midoriya izuku replied.

i mean a girl friend! like a girl that's a friend!!

Kirishima Eijirou

wHY WASN'T I INFORMED OF THISsS

Todoroki Shouto

i think i've seen her before? not sure

minoru mineta replied.

???? YOU NEED TO TELL US MAN WE'RE CLASSMATES

kirishima eijirou replied.

hOLD UP!! IM A CLASSMATE TOO I SHOULD KNOW;; TODOROKI HOW MUCH

todoroki shouto replied.

um, no

Ochaco Uraraka

this certainly is surprising!

Katsuki Bakugou

THIS IS NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS TAKE THIS DOWN MINETA I'M GONNA FREAKING BLOW YOU TO SMITHEREENS

kirishima eijirou replied.

lol nope never i'm inveStigating bye

Their comments and replies seemed to anger him more. Honestly, how annoying. It would be really great if no one bothered him. Some peace and quiet wouldn't be so bad, after all.

Throwing his phone on the bed and grabbing his jacket from behind his door, he decided to calm down in a store serving extra hot ramen and a company of some loud, annoying owner.

\- - -

"Come again?"

Kaya blinked, finding what Katsuki told her hilarious.

"So you're saying one of your classmates took a photograph of us yesterday and posted it?" He vigorously nodded, mumbling incoherent curses.

"You look so pissed over that. You shouldn't be. It's just a harmless post. You're more hot-blooded than I thought." Kaya said, smiling, finding his attitude passably funny again.

He only muttered a 'whatever' under his breath, still focused on his ramen. Speaking of the ramen, Kaya was lucky she had taken care of the stock of the Extra Hot flavor. Katsuki's timing was impeccable.

Suddenly, he stopped eating and looked at Kaya, seemingly in a deep thought.

"I'm gonna practice tomorrow. Wanna come?"

He said it so casually like it was normal. But honestly, Kaya found this invitation of his very strange. She didn't care though. Looking at Katsuki in a new light, she nodded and grinned.

"Of course," She cackled, "So, we friends now?"

"The same coffee shop, around six am."

"What? You didn't answer my question!"

And just like that, Kaya looked forward to tomorrow.


	9. houses and frames

**H O U S E S**

 **A N D**

 **F R A M E S**

If you asked Kaya what she'd save from her house if it ever sets on fire, it will be safe to assume that it'll take a rather long while for her to ponder about it.

Honestly.. there wasn't anything special to take inside that house of hers. Not even the picture frames containing her family — nothing. Absolutely nothing but objects that has her memories embedded to their souls. And to be frank, she wasn't very fond of those memories at all. Most people who have lost their loved ones would treasure these like they were eminently precious — like diamonds — but for her, that just wasn't the case. She figured accepting these memories would deal her better than getting rid of them. But what can she do? She's not that capable to accept them.

She's not that strong to live with what ruined her very being.

So instead of facing head-on whatever's chasing her, she chose the easiest way out: to run away even when she knew she has nowhere left to go.

Albeit covered with all these thoughts, she continued working with a heavy sigh.

"You're unusually deep in thought." Katou mused, leaning back on the steel chair though it was of no use, as the furniture didn't even budge.

"Don't go breaking Yoake's stuff. That won't move anyway, it's stuck to the ground. And," She grinned cheekily, "Was just thinkin' 'bout a burning house and some picture frames."

"Burning house? Sounds gory." Katou huffed and commented, popping another soda can open.

"You're so addicted to soda to the point that it doesn't feel real," She turned to him with an accusing look, "It isn't gory. It's just a burning house; there isn't even blood mentioned anywhere."

"Something burning sounds gory to me. It makes me think about burning skin. And.. it's peeling off. Ugh, why did I think about that — damn, disgusting."

She cackled, "You should check what gory means again, Katou-san."

"No thanks, and.."

Before continuing, he gulped down the remaining contents of the recently opened can.

There was a long pause after.

"You have casual clothes on, instead of the usual Yoake uniform. Got somewhere to go this early in the morning?"

"I know it's like four am and I'm still working, but yeah I've got somewhere to be at six." She informed him, pulling out a cigarette from her pocket.

"Shit," She muttered under her breath, "Katou-san you got a light there somewhere? Ah nevermind, you don't smoke. I forgot."

The man looked at her skeptically, "You didn't bring a lighter? Or a match, even?"

"Yep. I was so in a hurry that I didn't bother checking what I brought here," She heaved a sigh, "Whatever. I'll just remind myself to bring it before I go. Six am is two hours away, anyways."

Katou's eyes lit up, "Oh right. Where are you going?"

"Some coffee shop I forgot the name of. I remember where, though. So it's good."

"With that blond kid, probably?"

Kaya slowly nodded, warily, "How'd 'ya know?"

Katou just shrugged it off.

"You spend time with him a lot. Don't think I didn't notice. You see something in this boy, hm? Care to enlighten me what?"

What was she supposed to tell him? What she sees in Katsuki? Come to think of it, Kaya has never puzzled over his demeanor much, except when he does something remotely nice.

Katsuki was a hot-headed and determined person to her point of view. He didn't come off as someone particularly sociable, not even when there was nothing to be mad about. On the outside of course he looked downright villainous, he had unique looks that if he worked on his attitude for quite some time, maybe he'd be able to pull in a girl or two. Scratch that, maybe a hoard of them. Inside, Kaya doesn't have much to say. He tends to keep himself distant, gets angry over the littlest of things, snarky if given the chance. Although by day, she has been noticing that he's.. not that bad. He just finds it hard to express himself. Maybe it's because of his superiority complex, or maybe because of his lack of normal interactions with people. She wanted to settle for the latter.

She had all these thoughts and opinions of him swirling around her head — but the only thing she was able to say was:

"He's not bad, I guess?" There was an awkward silence, "Hey don't look at me like that! He's okay, you know. Just gotta know the guy."

"You took an awfully long time to think about your answer and that's what you come up with? I'm disappointed," Katou sighed.

"'He's not bad, I guess?' Spare me your bullshit. 'He's okay.' Oh, that's nice."

Kaya cringed at how shoddily he mimicked her voice.

"I am so insulted by your acting. I do not sound like that."

"Yes you do, don't even try to deny it. Your description of this blond was horrible too."

"Don't judge me so quick, Katou-san; not everything can be put into words."

\- - -

The café's name was The Quill.

Sounds odd, it's not even japanese. And why name it 'Quill'? It's a coffehouse, not a bookstore. Kaya just shrugged it off. Her convenience store was named Yoake after all; meaning dawn.

She simply ordered a regular cup of coffee. Nothing special. She wasn't picky about her food and beverages. She ordered one for Katsuki as well. This time it was black coffee, he preferred it based on what he ordered before. It was just then when she saw a familiar blond dressed in a thick brown jacket, elementary aphotic jeans, and his usual scowl. Huh. Wasn't surprising.

"You're pretty early, woman." He commented, sitting down across her.

"Nah, just got here a few moments ago. And oh, your coffee, by the way," Her eyes perked up, "Also my name isn't woman. Kaya is much better and shorter."

"I know."

She rolled her eyes at that.

"So you're training for this Festival thing?" She asked, being quite curious herself. When she was still in school they never had Festivals concerning quirks, so it was natural for her to be intrigued over such matter.

"Yeah. Got some arrogant bastards to topple over."

"Right. And you'll be training where? Don't tell me you're gonna blow up random stuffs here and there. If I remember correctly, you told me your quirk was Explosion. I'm too young for jail. The heck, dude."

"You're fucking overthiking it. I ain't some idiotic asshole to wreak havoc like a villain."

She cackled, "Funny because you look like one."

"I regret asking you to come."

"Too late, Katsuki-chan~"

\- - -

"Shit that's fucking awesome!" Kaya gaped at the barrels and other scraped materials passing by her vision being blasted away by Katsuki's explosions. Some went plummeting back to the ground, others straddling one another and few even reached the rooftops.

He told her he was practicing on blowing things up farther away from him, so that's why he was currently a little more than six to seven meters away from her and his props. Just some steel cans and barrels littering around the remote area. Good choice of training grounds, honestly. It was inhabited and had lots of debris.

This little training took Kaya's whole morning and a part of her afternoon. It was around three pm right now, probably. Katsuki's getting tired as well.

He suddenly sprinted at inhumane speed towards her using his explosions, and Kaya had to cower back a bit. Just to be safe.

The day was tiring. And after a tiring day, she always goes for a smoke. Putting a cigarette between her lips, she suddenly realized that she was never able to get a lighter.

Katsuki, who has been sitting with her on the ground, looked at her dejected figure. He cocked an eyebrow, finally realizing why. Of course; that explains the unlit cigarette.

Much to Kaya's surprise, Katsuki suddenly touched the tip of her cigarette. With that action of his, her cigar lit up, and so did her expression.

"Holy fuck that was so cool, Katsuki-chan!" Her gaze was focused on the cigar lit by the blond beside her, eyes visibly twinkling like a child's.

It was amusing — how such a simple thing entertained her that much. And at this sight, Katsuki couldn't help but laugh.

Not a mocking laugh, not sarcastic.

It was gruff and boisterous; but it was genuine.

This laugh didn't go unnoticed by Kaya. Sure, it wasn't the prettiest laugh she have heard, but it was honest. The more she stared at Katsuki's laughing face, the more she wanted to take a picture of it; to put it in a frame — something accurate for such a rare phenomenon.

And if it was put in a picture frame, displayed, then maybe she'd have to save something now in her burning house.


	10. ailings and carnations

**A I L I N G S**

 **A N D**

 **C A R N A T I O N S**

The crippling feeling inside of Kaya yesterday never seemed to cease. At all.

Seeing Katsuki perform all those stunts — she was absolutely astounded. She felt like an ant. An utterly useless ant. She felt like.. a burden. A burden and a coward for giving her own obligation to him, when he already had enough to handle.

"So, promise me you're gonna her rid of all those villains someday?"

"Of course I fucking will. I'll surpass them after all."

But what could she do?

She's not enough.

And to be honest, she'll never be.

\- - -

What was he doing here, exactly?

Frankly, he really had no idea why.

The idea itself was ludicrous. He was Katsuki Bakugou, for crying out loud! He didn't give two fucks at anything that isn't important. Other than training and proving himself, what more could possibly be better? Nothing, right? But why was he here, in front of Kaya's house, just because he was informed that the reason for her absence was because she was ill?

So he decided to leave it be. He turned on his heel and was about to stalk off towards the seeping light from the surface when he heard a rather familiar voice coming from behind him. The door creaked, and there stood Kaya.

"Oho, did you come to visit me, Katsuki-chan?" Voice raspy, half-lidded eyes, disheveled lavender hair, oversized pyjamas, a fluffy pair of slippers and a plastic bag in her hand. That's how Kaya looked, leaning on the doorframe with a slight grin. Her eyes looked like they would shut close any moment.

"Hell no."

Kaya cackled, although her voice did come out rather croaky.

"You look fucking terrible." Katsuki commented, gesturing, to well, her whole self. After all, which part of Kaya was perfectly normal today? From her tousled hair to her freakishly pale complexion downwards, you could tell from one glance that she was either horribly sick or an addict.

"Thanks, that's what every girl wants to hear when she's ill." Katsuki scrunched his nose up in disgust with this one.

"I was never informed you were a fussy girl, woman."

"First, I am a girl. Second, I am disappointed. You call me woman but you were never informed I was a goddamn girl? Save your bullshit for later, Katsuki-chan. Third, and lastly, we've known each other for like, a week now. A freaking week! Yet you still call me by 'woman'!" Even though it took all her effort trying to make her words clear with her already tired voice, she still continued.

"Like, what, are you too brainless to even remember what my name is? Wow, Katsuki-chan. I never knew."

"Where the fuck did you get that?" He grumbled, "What's that bag in your hand anyway?"

Blinking, Kaya looked down at the plastic bag still clutched in her hands, momentarily forgetting what she was really doing outside before she saw Katsuki.

"Oh, nothing. Just some chips. They tempted me to eat them, you know! Unfortunately for them, I am on my healthy diet. All the bread stuff. Grain. Wheat —"

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose and grunted.

"You've gotta be kidding me. Those chips are empty."

"I hate those eyes of yours!" She complained, tugging her hair downwards in frustration, "Can't you just let my craving be? You could've at least went along with it."

Sighing, Kaya turned and motioned for him to come inside.

"I am not entering your house."

Cocking an eyebrow, Kaya stifled a laugh, "You came all the way down here for what? Becoming a stubborn brat? Come along now," When he didn't even react or budge from his place, Kaya let out a groan and pulled him inside, "For the love of cigars, you're just as fussy as I am, maybe even more."

"Fuck no!"

"Suit yourself."

That conversation ended in peace with Katsuki stepping inside. Once he had enough of a glance on her living room, he concluded that it wasn't as messy as he think it'd be. There were just two littered cans and some things on a single corner. Apart from that, it was spotless.

That spotless vision did end soon, though.

What laid before Katsuki was Kaya's bedroom.

And — without a doubt, for the absolute love of cigars — it was a pigsty.

Wrappers scattered at every corner, cans spread around, blanket sprawled out on the floor, pillows not even on the bed, books dejected on a certain side, and, of course, ash trays. Ash trays, like, literally found in every nook of the room.

"Calling this a goddamn pigsty would be an understatement." Katsuki remarked, turning on his heel. He had dealt with enough today.

"It's totally pleasant to look at, what are you talking about?"

"Are we even looking at the same room?"

Kaya faked a gasp, "Certain! What else?"

"It's the epitome of unpleasant. If dirt was pleasing to you, then I wouldn't be fucking surprised."

Now Kaya looked at him in bewilderment, not seeming to believe what he was saying, "Stop the dirt-shaming, omygod!"

He only scoffed and sat comfortably on the sofa.

"Can you go out today?"

"Is that an invitation?" Kaya asked in a teasing voice, despite being momentarily shocked of his sudden question.

"Like hell it was," He crossed his arms, "Just saw that The Quill's got something going on."

\- - -

"What's..." Kaya trailed off, gesturing at the café's design, "this thing with pink?"

Yes; that was right. The Quill — the café they have been visiting for roughly two times — has changed its color scheme. What happened with cream and grey? But don't get the café wrong, it's not the hot pink type. On the contrary, despite of being pink, the color of it overall was actually pleasing to look at. The color of nude and pastel pink with the light shade of grey mixed very well.

But why the sudden change?

The two ignored the peculiar alteration and walked inside the café.

The employees greeted them with much enthusiasm that was way different from the days before. All smiles, but what for?

Choosing to just ignore the oddity of everything, they both sat down on a table far from the doors.

The waiter who escorted them to their seats seemed to sense their uneasiness and confusion, though.

Letting out a low chuckle, he spoke, "I'm sorry if it's been bothering you. Our co-workers are just twice as enthusiastic since a new employee managed to come by. We do it on a tradition. The newbie picks the new theme and everything, as long as it fits. Hope you lot don't mind."

Katsuki naturally ignored him.

Kaya, however, smiled at his way and said that it wasn't really a problem.

"Glad to know," The waiter replied, but before he completely left, he sighted someone just behind them, "Oh look, there's the new guy!"

Walking towards them in a uniform similar to those of The Quill's, was a familiar face. At this, it took all Kaya had to not collapse under the table, clutching her stomach in laughter.

"The heck, Katou-san. Pink? Your colors are showing," She let out a loud bellow, "At least try to be lowkey about it."

This earned her a smack from Katou. The sudden action made the other employees' gazes snap at them. Hold on, was the new guy already starting trouble?

"No, no!" Kaya flailed her arms around as if having read their minds, "We know each other! It's just some harmless teasing."

Katou shook his head and sighed, "Thought you were sick? You're still with blond kid?"

She pointed at Katsuki, "Couldn't turn such a wonderful offer by this lad right here, ya see," She shrugged, "I've been better, yes, but I've also been worse. No big deal."

"No big deal, you say," Katou dropped the matter, "Order?"

"Uh, Plush Laiche, what're you having, Katsuki-chan?"

Only then has Kaya realized that Katsuki was staring off into nothing. She noted that.

"Olive, no cream, G."

Nodding, she turned to the bread-maniac, "Plush Laiche, Reg, A sugar. Olive, no cream and G sugar."

Katou jotted it down and left the scene.

Kaya turned to the grumpy blond. There wasn't a frown on his face. It was actually stupendous. It looked like he was thinking.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Katsuki just groaned, "Anyway, why'd you even bother coming down the bunker? You were concerned for little 'ol me, weren't ya?"

"As if. Now keep wishing."

Kaya cackled, "I beg to differ, Katsuki-chan. You're the anti-social butterfly and I am pretty sure I'm the only person you know in the bunker."

He responded with an inaudible muttering of string of curses.

Kaya kept pushing on, "So..? Just admit I was so irresistible and you were so concerned."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he mumbled a 'fuck' under his breath. This woman was gonna slag him about this all day, he can tell.

Fine, then.

His mouth began to open but his voice was overlapped by somebody else.

"Plush Laiche and Olive?"

\- - -

to GUEST/NOVA's review : thank you so much, that means a lot! i'm vv flattered you think of this story that way, im doing all i can to make it linear but entertaining—

to CLEVERLU's review : whaAaat you consider this original? i think im just not creative enough for the enthralling action scenes lol but thank you very much! that makes me so happy, thinking that you find AAS captivating—


	11. miscues and dolts

**M I S C U E S**

 **A N D**

 **D O L T S**

To no one's surprise, Kaya fell sick again.

The quick coffee with Katsuki went well, there wasn't much rain — but she was still worn out. The constant heat of the sun didn't miss to lay upon them both. And that was just when they thought the days were getting colder. Apparently not.

So still, Kaya laid sick on her bed. The only difference that there were no visitors.

With no one to take care of her, she had to cope with everything by herself alone. Not that it was a new occurrence, anyway. If you'd ask her regarding the current situation, she'd shrug it off with a rehearsed 'Don't need the company' and, it was actually the truth. If she fell ill badly, she would take herself to the hospital — as simple as that. Bothering other people wasn't particularly necessary. She was a big fan of the idea of personal space and tranquility, so she did others the favor of being left with their own peace of mind.

Having enough of the suffocating yellow lights the room produced, she separated from the rather flocculent comforter to head out. Feeling a little dizzy by the sudden action, she held onto the small table beside her bed before collecting herself. Thankfully, she was just slating for Yoake. So there wouldn't be an actual problem with her clothing; an oversized flushed turtleneck paired with aphotic puffy trousers.

"Oh," Kaya blurted, realizing that something was definitely lacking, "Slippers!"

But her shoe rack was rather far away from her now. Adding the fact that the ground was freezing cold, she groaned. Another day of being sick again, perhaps. Exposed to such temperature barefoot while under the process of recovering from a small flu wasn't really ideal.

Barefoot it is, then.

When she reached Yoake, it was bustling of customers. The tables inside were full, Amira and Pogako were handling the people while the other two were inside the employee room, stocking.

"Kaya-chan! You shouldn't be out of bed," Amira squeaked out, gripping the cash in her hands, "And you're.. uhm, you don't have slippers? Why?"

"No need, slippers are for the weak! Enjoy the cold weather!" Kaya winked at her, and pointed at the queue lining up both counters, "You should really attend to them, Ami. I'm sure they'll be delighted. I'm heading off to my personal space bubble, gonna go grab the keys."

Amira knew how hard Kaya's head was, therefore she had nothing to do but sigh in regret.

"Alright, just take care of yourself, okay? You're still so pale."

Kaya only smiled at Amira's concerned tone.

"Pale is a nice way of putting it, Ami. She's lost color," Pogako gave Kaya a stern look, "I know I said that if smoking is your way out of stress, we have no right to keep it from you. But if you're like this — then no. For all we know this is caused by lung damage! What will you do if you suddenly catch a serious disease out of your habit? You don't even take of yourself when you catch a cold, or a sickness. What more if it's a lot worse? For God's sake, you're barely sixteen! You're not even of age. Stop this, Kaya. It's.. not right. Not anymore."

His outburst made Kaya's knees buckle. She never thought this affected them that much. She wasn't even feeling too sick. She's alright, she's.. fine. There was nothing to yell for.

There was absolutely nothing wrong with indulging to your stress-reliever.

 _"Mei, stop."_

 _"Dad?"_

 _The little girl's father smiled kindly yet full of remorse._

 _"You can't smoke anymore, okay? Don't think I haven't seen you take my cigs once in a while."_

 _"B — But, why? You do it too!"_

 _"I'm old enough, Mei."_

 _"No!"_

 _"Tsumei, we are not discussing this any further."_

Kaya only stood there, flabbergasted. The customers were all looking at them now with wary gazes and curious looks.

"Kaya-chan. Please."

Tears prickled on the corners of her eyes. Everything was getting so blurry. But it was better that way. She didn't want to see the disappointed look Pogako had for her now.

"Not again.." She mumbled to herself, "Okay, Po-san. I'll.. I would halt this thing. This habit. Okay?"

This argument cost her everything that fateful day. And it wasn't gonna happen again — she swore that to their graves. She swore. But why was it happening again? It wasn't supposed to be!

 _"Your daughter has been picking up her recent habits from you, hasn't she?"_

 _"I had no connection to this, Missa, and you know that!"_

 _"No connection! Hiroto do you think I'm a fool? She saw you do it!"_

 _"She only saw! I never provoked her to do it."_

 _"You influenced her."_

 _"I did not!"_

 _"Mom no.. S'okay, Dad has nothing to do with it, please stop.."_

 _An 8-year old Kaya now had those crystalline tears flowing out her once ablaze orbs. And that sight enough was already breaking her parents' hearts._

 _"Tsumei, you are to go back to your room. Now. Your Dad and I have important things to discuss, alright?"_

 _"Please don't fight over my smoking.. I'll stop! Okay, I'll stop."_

 _"As much as I am happy to hear that, I'm afraid I have no reason to believe you're willing to, Mei."_

 _"But Mom! Believe me, I'll stop!"_

"You won't."

Pogako replied sedately, fixing his hard gaze on her.

As if she was stung by his words, she slowly backed down. Exactly what her Mom had told her. It was the exact same set of words.

They didn't trust her enough.

"Okay.. I get it. I get it," Kaya laughed hollowly, wiping her tears, "That's it, then? Thanks for clearing it up, Po-san. Or was it Pogako?"

And with one last smile, she took the keys to her refuge and left.

\- - -

Kaya slumped her shoulders downwards with a heavy and burdened sigh.

She's such a bloody mess.

The rooftop at the building behind Yoake was her refuge. Her parents used to take her there. It had a couple of black sheets around it to reflect the light from above.

"Fuck." She was so stupid. Everything that turned her life upside down was her own choices. She was the only one to blame. Nobody else.

Looking up, she saw the velvety clouds moving constantly and she suddenly remembered why she loved this place so much.

Here, it looked like the sky was so reachable. That with one grasp upwards, you'd be able to touch the clouds. She always wondered what that felt like. Was it as soft as it looked? Those fleecy, white clouds? She always wanted to reach the sky. It was rather.. fascinating. Was it going to be as amazing as it seemed to be, when she finally reaches it? It was such a pity; she had to breathe one last time in her whole life just to find out.

The door of the rooftop creaked and a spiky blond entered the vicinity. Kaya couldn't help but smile.

"They told me where your little personal space bubble shit was. Fortunately for an idiot like you, you didn't lock the doors."

"Yeah, I'm an idiot, aren't I?"

Katsuki scoffed.

"Some occasions, yes. But you can't stop what you've gotten so used to in just a fucking small time."

"I know that."

"Yeah right."

They stayed like that for a while.

"What're you doing here? Concerning yourself with the world's biggest idiot?"

"I honestly don't know either." He grumbled under his breath, before turning to lock with her eyes fully.

"But that's what this damned friends thing was about, right?"

Kaya masked the unprecedented shock in her face and, for the first time that day, she smiled — a smile that reached both her now, once more, hopeful eyes.

"Yeah. That's exactly it."

And to her surprise — she felt her sickness fall whilst her spirit rose.

\- - -

to SEEAN's review : thank you for giving this a shot! creating an oc with a background on hero stuff and quirks sounded tiring, and i was looking for something i can pace in a mild atmosphere, if you get me.


	12. quandaries and reserves

**Q U A N D A R I E S**

 **A N D**

 **R E S E R V E S**

Kaya always tried to fix everything.

Unfortunately, it had lead to a point where she had forgotten that she needed fixing too.

It was rather tricky ― the human mind, that is. It will force images into your consciousness, just because they were what you wanted to see. It didn't matter if it was false. It was what our mind longed for, and naturally, that would be what we will believe. Most were right to compare the heart with the mind. But, contrary to popular belief, the mind doesn't work on logic alone. It works around the clogs of our emotions; deciding altogether if it will be beneficial to one's mental health. Unhealthy ones scraped and recycled back to the heart whilst the healthy ones stayed firmly on our brains, making us believe what we want to.

And for many years, Kaya's mind forced her to believe that time heals all.

Who was she kidding? Just a simple argument about her smoking caused a breakdown faster than her blinking. Her wounds weren't numb at all. They were only ignored and put aside because for once, she cared more about herself than anybody else.

"So are you just gonna mope around like a loser?" Katsuki clicked his tongue, "Fucking pathetic, really."

"Me being pathetic isn't really fresh news, tell me something I don't know."

His gaze snapped at her instantly, ferocious and ablaze crimson irises peering through her soul, as if daring her to look away.

But she couldn't.

"Oh? Something you don't know? Well let me tell you this, you're being an eyesore. Swollen eyes doesn't match with your hair, and I'm fucking sure that smile of yours isn't one bit genuine. And I bet to your goddamn existence that a bunch of bastards are worrying about you back at that store of yours," He paused to grunt, "Stop being selfish because someone called you out on your mistakes ― yes, I was there ― news fucking flash woman, you make mistakes!"

Saying she was astonished was an understatement.

Of course she has been lectured before, singled out and scolded. But she couldn't face the harsh reality that she was doing something... wrong. She wasn't a perfectionist, she could care less about some faults, she'd still live to see tomorrow anyway. What concerned her is no matter how much she convinced herself it was okay to slip up, she still finds herself pressured by the idea of not being meticulous. Perhaps it was because all her life, the only thing she did was aiming to please.

Yet the person in front of her was hardly pleased.

In the end, she found herself mangled up in her thoughts, a sleeve covering her once more tear stricken face.

A chuckle escaped her lips and she croaked out, "Keep saying things like that and I may just hug you, Katsuki-chan."

"Disgusting, don't even think about it."

Kaya cackled this time.

"Can you sit down for a while, please?" She requested, her voice nothing more than a sob.

To her bewilderment, he did as he was told and sat beside her, groaning as he did so.

"Stay?"

"I wouldn't be here if I wasn't planning to."

The only thing to be heard around the vicinity were nature's natural sound. Both of them sat in a comfortable lull, none bothering to fill up the empty space with their utterance.

Oddly, the long-winded pair found the quietude soothing.

And at that moment they realized just how much silence speaks.

\- - -

"Do you reckon she'll come around, Ami?"

"Positive."

Pogako let out a heavy sigh ― he couldn't keep track on how much he have sighed for the past hour. He meant the words he dropped to Kaya. The only problem is he dropped them wrong. How he delivered what he was supposed to say was utterly terrible; Amira herself voiced out her disappointment. Kaya was, no matter how stern she looked, fragile. Words hurt her more than bruises and cuts. Opinions tear her apart more than injuries.

He should have known better.

They were both in the wrong but he still started it. With an impulsive approach, which wasn't any help.

They immediately took care of the customers once Kaya fled with her keys. The crowd gradually dispersed and they marked Yoake closed for the time being.

"I'm sorry, but when will the store be closed still?"

The inquiry came from someone with raven hair and a recognizable uniform of Yuuei.

Both employees blinked.

"Right. Um, it's closed temporarily because of some happenings, but what could we get you?"

"Oh no it's okay, I just swore I saw a classmate of mine pass by. He has spiky blonde hair, looks..."

"Murderous?" Amira supplied for her with a kind smile.

"Ah yes. I suppose he really did pass by?"

"He's a regular of sorts. I'll tell him you asked for him when he returns, I guess. Your name, ma'am, if you wouldn't mind?" Pogako answered, giving an inquisitive look.

"It's not really important, but Yaoyorozu Momo," She flashed a smile and held out her hand for them to shake, which they did, "I was just curious of why he'd go here, he is usually training somewhere else. Thank you, anyways. And forgive me for being intrusive but you both look troubled. I hope it isn't because of Bakugou, though he can be really hot-headed."

"Erm, no! It's not really him. I just told somebody of importance things I shouldn't have said."

She looked thoughtful for a moment before giving them a comforting beam.

"I'm not in any position to say this, but I think whatever you told this someone of yours, it he/she wouldn't hold it against you if you have a bond of sorts, or if he/she understands you and your concerns. As long as you didn't mean to hurt her, I believe it'll work out. Everything does in the end, doesn't it?"

The employees looked at her with both apalled expressions. And as if Yaoyorozu only realized that she has unconsciously run her mouth again, she flushed and spluttered.

"Um, I am so sorry! I.. I don't.. uh, mean it to sound that probing, it's just I can't help it, and thinking you just met me now. I must look so bad... oh God, sorry, really ― "

"Please, no, don't think of it like that. I... thank you. I needed that. You helped, actually. It's nice of you," Pogako commented, giving her a grin and Amira stood by him, giving an amiable expression for her.

"Oh," Yaoyorozu flushed, "You're... well you're welcome, I guess."

\- - -

No matter what happened, Kaya always found herself running back to Yoake.

Back to it's artificial iris lights, to the comfort it provided, and to the people waiting there for her.

Perhaps it wasn't such a surprise that she came waddling to Pogako's welcoming arms, as they both released their wimpers. Already having voiced out their concerns, one realizing her insecurities, the other cleared of conscience.

"I told you there were bastards worried for you back here, should've betted on it."

Kaya snorted at the middle of their reconciliation for that.

And maybe, just maybe, she didn't need any fixing because after all, nothing was ever wrong.

\- - -

to DIZZWIZZ's and GUEST's review : thank you v much! i'm glad you somehow found this enjoyable.


	13. beginnings and bounds

**B E G I N N I N G S**

 **A N D**

 **B O U N D S**

Kaya had a lot of reasons to live.

Amongst all of those, one particularly stuck to her mind.

Herself.

Actually, she owes herself the biggest debt. For giving up when she still could've held on, for dodging her problems when instead she could've faced them and for everything that could've went right if only she had made the right choices. If only she wasn't as incompetent as she was before, as she still is.

There wasn't really a legitimate reason for her to wish for her demise, and she wasn't looking for one. Although all of that were said and done, she knew there was something inside of her crawling, wanting to hold her down and keep her still.

Unfortunately for that, she wasn't done holding on. Although she really wanted to.

\- - -

Yoake was mourning.

None of the employees passed away, no. Nobody actually died.

But there Amira was, holding a can of beer drinking her sense out in a recluse at the at the staff room. No one tried to bother. She needed time to cope, so everyone respected that. After all, it wasn't everyday your only relative left would suddenly leave you behind.

Her brother had left her. As to why, it was still a mystery for all.

She seldom held alcohol. Amira never felt the need to let the burning liquid touch her throat. It was painful, in a way. But right now, she understood why those broken took refuge under liquor. All this time she thought those who had addictions were masochists. She wouldn't hide the fact that she thinks Kaya is a masochist. Although it seemed so different now.

Yes; alcohol felt like fire running down her thorax. But at the same time alcohol felt like anesthesia entering her system. Piercing at first taste yet numbing after.

Yes, it will hurt but everything eventually goes dull. Liquor could pass as an anesthetic device, per se.

"Y'know, that beer's 85 percent alcohol."

Amira smiled.

"I'm aware."

"Yeah, that's why I'm curious," Kaya shrugged, "You were never the type to drink."

Chuckling, she took another swig, "I thought so too, Kaya-chan. It seems that alcochol's glorious."

"Careful, Ami," Kaya ducked her head, "Once you start there's no going back."

To that, Amira only gave a hollow sigh.

"Whoever said I was gonna get addicted?"

"I didn't say anything about being addicted."

"You didn't?"

Kaya gave a humorless smile.

"I believe so."

Silence reigned the room for a little while. The peaceful yet tense lull between the two stayed in a truce. Neither was gleeful about the situation. Though they weren't equally broken, they were still at least, in a way, not shattered — for now.

"Ah, Kaya-chan. You really sound older than you look."

"I've actually been told I was rather childish."

"Some occasions, probably."

Her lavender locks fell into her face smoothly whilst turning her heel to leave the grieving woman alone.

"Just.. please," she felt her heart constrict, "Don't end up like me."

\- - -

Pogako ran.

That's all he ever did.

Run.

Ran from everything he couldn't face. He was weak like that. He was everything they thought he wasn't. Others look at him and promptly thinks he could take on the world with his calm and collected gaze. Few knew that under those irises a storm was constantly brewing — one that never seemed to cease.

Right now, he was running.

But for a completely different reason this time. Someone of importance needed him this very moment.

"Where are you off to?"

Halting, Pogako found Katou leaving from the back door of a café. He looked like he just finished his shift, with unruly aphotic blue hair sticking out at every end. His white polo shirt was slightly crumpled and his trousers seemed just a little loose.

"Yoake's."

Katou rose an eyebrow.

"Just at Yoake? Why the hurry?" It was a fitting question. Pogako looked like him at the moment; worn out. Pogako was only slightly worse. Panting and all.

"Amira.. she — her.."

 _So it's about her._

"brother.. left.."

 _Oh._

He gave a toothless smile at Pogako.

"I must be delaying you, then. You can go. I hope everything goes well."

And with a blink, Pogako was gone.

Again. Just like that.

\- - -

Katou took in the lingering scent Pogako left behind.

Always the musty smell of old books.

Ah.

He really was whipped.

He tugged the sleeves of his polo shirt and went straight for Yoake. A good can of soda or two wouldn't hurt.

He arrived at the store only to be met with a sign indicating 'closed' at their usually vivid double doors. Kaya was outside, a cigarette in hand. She looked so much older, sitting on that bench, looking far beyond ahead. Apart her eyes were an unlit fire with a mission; it felt undone. It felt incomplete — like there was something she still needed to do.

Deep in her thoughts, it seemed. She didn't even notice Katou arrived from the looks of it.

"Looking horrible."

She took notice of him with a small jolt, tightening her grip around the cigarette.

She exhaled the smoke, "I could say the same for you."

"I thought you were okay with them together, Katou-san?"

"Being okay with it doesn't mean I couldn't get hurt."

"You sure you're really okay with everything?"

A sigh escaped Katou's lips as he pondered over the things he felt. Sure, he was okay with it. That doesn't give him immunity to pain brought by this little charade. Nothing did.

"That's the only option I have left," he shrugged, "I don't have a sob story like Amira."

"Last time I checked a sob story wasn't a requirement."

"Check again, Kaya-chan."

She waved him off as she blew her smoke, "The door's open. Staff room. Unlocked too."

"Hm. Thanks."

He didn't even last five minutes inside.

Pogako's arms around Amira's was truly a sight to see. Unfortunately, he didn't look forward to more of it soon.

All he needed was to smell the ever lingering musty scent of old books after all.

\- - -

Katsuki cursed.

Stronger.

He needed to get stronger. He has to prove them that he was not a good-for-nothing arrogant twat circling around owning the place. He has something to back up his confidence, his arrogance, whatever they may call it. His quirk is his pride.

What's wrong about wanting to be as good as everybody else?

The tournament's up soon.

His time is coming.

He's going to win it. He's gonna be recognized as somebody who toppled over all his classmates like the shitbags they are. Because he deserved it.

What's wrong about wanting your rightfully earned place in the world?

 _"Bakugou my boy! For when there's a wall before your eyes, you laugh!"_

And so he did.

\- - -

Like Katou, Katsuki arrived at Yoake with the double doors closed.

"You're such a fucking emo."

Kaya cackled.

"Shut up, I am being sentimental."

"Same thing."

"There's just.. a lot of things happening."

"My tournament's coming in a week. You're going to watch me."

It wasn't a question.

"Of course."

All of them were never equally broken. One struggled to find a reason to not hold on whilst one found a reason to give up, another wanted to stop running, someone needed an excuse to keep loving and a person wanted something to show the world.

But at the end of the day, they were all just humans in pursuit of hope.


	14. quellings and ambiguities

**Q U E L L I N G S**

 **A N D**

 **A M B I G U I T I E S**

Picking yourself up from a dutifully set-up rubble was dreadfully difficult.

Underneath all of those rocks, those problems, those mistakes — was you. The real you, the one you should have been if the world didn't throw a hurdle of obstacles at you, expecting an equally orchestrated solution back. To no one's favor, the botherations overwhelmed the esteemed fixing.

Take the whole set of Yoake's people, for example.

The owner; an orphan with an addiction. Though socially active, she's also rather withdrawn. Lets other people get close, but not too much. No strings meant nothing could be broken. The usual teenage angst, what more could it have been? Ah, the employees. One relieved of her innocence, another deprived of courage and showered with burdens, the remaining just as broken.

Quite a bunch, if you'd ask the regulars. They're somehow taken with the staff, a jovial, endearing lot could just get more loved.

It doesn't matter what they've went through or what they're going through. Things like who got off worse doesn't change the fact that something irreversible has already been done.

When the dust finally settles, they're all they have.

It's not as if they were given a choice.

So they'll plaster a nice, warm smile, and try to mean it. Maybe someday they really will.

"Yes, welcome to Yoake! Real sorry for closing up without notices, things have been going pretty awry but that's all.. taken care of," beamed Kaya, "The usual, I'm guessing?"

The regular in front of her nodded in approval as she handed the exact amount of money, "Thanks, Kaya-chan."

The woman in front of her was the old lady across them. She once lived down the bunker, too, but she got a family all of a sudden and needed a good amount of space for apparently, five. Her children were amicable and a joy to see, twins and currently another one year old. They were far off Kaya's current age, much to her dismay. She really felt like a big sister figure, though, and it felt heart-warming everytime she thinks about it. Couldn't even take care of herself but looks after three kids from across.

A chime knocked her back to her senses, and she found herself watching the lady's cloak billow behind her whilst pressing soft kisses to her children's faces.

She turned away from the scene quickly. Looking down her transparently pale right hand, her gaze locked into a single cigarette stuck between her middle and index finger.

With one last sigh, she brought it to her lips.

\- - -

Things in Yoake continued to subdue. Though subduing doesn't mean the damage has been reducing, but them of all people knew that mending what scarred took more than a smile.

So if it's time they need, they decided, it's time they'll get.

"Where'd Amira run off to?"

Kaya fought back a grimace at Katou's tone as he questioned her with gritted teeth.

"Leave Ami be, Katou-san," a sigh, "Let's not complicate stuff, Po-san's overly worried but he's.. he's okay."

"I thought you of all people would be able to tell that Pogako's not okay."

"I can," resigned Kaya, "Just.. he doesn't need our concerns, nor does Ami."

And it was true. Both Pogako and Amira were adults, in a sense, and Kaya knew them enough to know that they would want to be left alone without anyone concerning with them, treating them as fragile pieces of glass that would break with so much as a twitch thrown their way. Because no, they're fine, they only need to mull their thoughts and calm their nerves. Pogako was already working, although clearly not up to shape. Kaya merely pretended that she approved of him doing this, being insensitive to his own feelings, as well as setting aside his growing worriment for Amira. Let him on his own rumination for a while, Kaya said to herself. Apparently, Katou did not have the same sentiments.

"Fine," Katou conceded, "Everything's all ruddy now, and when I got a decent job at that."

"Right," Kaya chuckled, feeling the stiffness of the conversation dissipate, "About this job thing you got, what made you think you'd make a good waiter? You have to socialize, in case you don't realize, Katou-san. You're hopeless at being.. approachable."

"I'm not, cut it out. I can talk to people fine."

"By fine you mean being all taut, then sure."

Before Katou was given a chance to retort, the chime rang and both turned their attention to who found their way inside the store.

At the sight of the person present, Katou raised an eyebrow. Quickly realizing it's his chance to slip out, he bid Kaya farewell with a rather meaningful wink. She gave him a blank look in return.

Kaya watched Katsuki shuffle around the shelf, looking for the a certain flavor located after the regular hot cups. She purposely pushed the Extra Hot ones to the back, knowing it would vex the impatient blond. Now, looking at his creasing brows and faint murmurs of 'fucking shit', she knew it indeed worked wonderfully and a snicker stifled itself on her arm.

Finally having a cup of his desired flavor in his hands, he stalked towards the counter and paid for the instant ramen with a grumble.

Kaya noted that he looked a lot more peevish today compared to the last ones. He wasn't commenting on her careworn appearance, when he would usually give a jab of insult at how atrocious she looked like. Him with slanderous remarks meant he was normal. Him with only a silent grumble and a disturbing peaceful casual meal made her raise an eyebrow.

"Okay, so what's going on, Katsuki-chan?" She said this in the most jubilant tone and manner as she could, to not appear somehow nosy.

Katsuki only continued slurping his noodles.

"That was a very intellectual answer, thank you very much."

A grunt.

"Oh yes! I see we're having a very intellectual conversation too, I've never felt so honored."

Then he stared at her for maybe five good seconds.

"Fuck this," Kaya whined under her breath, "He's so moody, smokes, like a teenag — oh wait, he's a teenager. Well, like a girl on her period, then. Oh shit, maybe he's actually a girl — ?"

"Bastard, I'm not a girl!"

Kaya internally screamed joy, "Wow, so that got you to speak? You feel so scandalized about being a woman?"

"Don't go all gender equality shit on me, I was correcting your bull."

"Nah," she shrugged, "Why're you so crabby then?"

"Nothing, why're you even asking?"

"Would you prefer me not to?"

Katsuki didn't have an answer for that, so instead, he parried it with another reply, "Training, then some kid showed up and ran because mongrel thought I was a pissing villain."

Moments passed and Kaya doubled over the counter cackling.

"Oi, nothing's funny! Shut up!" Chopsticks were thrown her way and hit her square in the forehead but she still did not halt her laughter.

"Oh.. ev.. everything about that.." she said through parting breaths, "is funny. Trust me."

He huffed and demanded for another pair of chopsticks. Kaya enthusiastically said no.

"What! I'm the customer here, woman, and I say give me chopsticks."

"Yeah not my fault you wasted yours hauling them at me."

"You deserved it."

"Oh? For?"

"For your audacity to laugh at me! Me!"

"You deserved it." returned Kaya with a snicker.

"Funny," Katsuki said, sarcasm dripping in his voice, "The ramen tastes like shit, asshat."

"You're like a child. It's cute," commented Kaya, "The ramen's not even made by me so I hardly feel offended."

"Fuck you, I am not a child."

"Not a child but gets cranky because a kid thought you were a villain? Sure."

"Shove it," grumbled Katsuki, "I'm a hero-in-training and future Number One, I take complete offense for that."

"Alright, I'll accept that."

On the outside, both of them looked like two people with mutual dislike for each other. Bantering — one not going down without a retort back to the other. In actuality, if Kaya would dare go that far, they're somehow friends. It helped her case when he indirectly told her this when she was in a battle with herself, in the middle of drawing wards around her once again, this time with a much solid foundation.

This was just the way they communicated. If she would imagine them being all, well, genial with each other, it just didn't fit. Katsuki, for starters, would be awfully intricate to picture with a broad smile. Sure, she'd seen him laugh, it wasn't butterflies and rainbows, but she'd seen it in a genuine light. A smile? That'll be work. And because it was so hard to achieve, it seemed so difficile to imagine. But she's okay with this. A non-harmful exchange of jab cheap shots at one another. After all, this wasn't really planned to go this way. She was just hunting for a regular, being all chatty as she always was with any other customer. For them to be wholesome friends will be a long journey still. And even Kaya doubted the probability of it. She knew, one day, eventually, this'll all be gone soon.

But until that day comes, she'll enjoy being here; in this moment.

"You look shabby, by the way."

"Thanks, Katsuki-chan. I think you look dashing, too."


	15. prospects and upswings

**P R O S P E C T S**

 **A N D**

 **U P S W I N G S**

Kaya liked to think that she was an optimist.

Before the negative side of an equation, she saw the positive one. Constantly in denial of the ugly truth and always wanting to find a way out of a problem the easiest she could possibly muster.

It was like looking forward to the rainbow after the rain, she thinks, after a weeping comes a blast of colors. It was the shaky laughs upon slowly cracking ice, the new life left behind in the rear of every denouement; the twinkle of the eyes in the wake of a storm.

You had to keep believing that apart every catastrophes there lied a silver lining. To be able to make mistakes but still saw the best in every fault. For you can soak your gold in bronze, yet can only bargain for a silver. A mistake cannot be undone but it can be made better. And Kaya drenched her memories with black ink, so one cannot expect it to blossom with the same hues under the obsidian. The ink may subside, though everything will remain as tainted.

Her life wasn't drenched in starless colors drifting onward moon kissed lakes. Sure, her parents left her at an early age, in naivety, to watch in sorrow as she crumbles apart reality, but she was still a child — almost a girl with no proper recollection. She had to admit that all she had now were glimpses of the past, a flicker of mix tapes running through her mind put on a never-ending repeat. It didn't matter. What cut the ice was that she remembered who she was, and maybe, who she will be. To compare her exigency with a painted portrait was ludicrous for she was an empty girl represented by a besmirched canvas. It had blotches of ink adorned to its exterior for the whole world to see all the wrong paths she took; a speck for a slipup and a splatter for a misstep.

She stared off the window, underneath the thin layer of smoke revealed a dreamy look washing her face. A soft whisper graced her ears with a fluid melody of stiff silence caught in a dutifully arranged array of cobwebs, strained enough to remind her of the sore, burning sensation upon her thorax. Her eyes tired itself in time in a jaded fashion, the seemingly punched magenta cast of her orbs withheld from seeing more than it could take.

She did not need to mind the ruckus going on the store she owned, for all she had to care about was here. In this moment — herself. The blunt hush of her lips provided her the freedom to speak her thoughts, unlike the rest of her life being cloaked under a ghostly knot, her voice paraded over a string of involuntary silence.

So Kaya remained there, sitting still, hearing only the words of the world she wanted to hear and see. If she only saw the terrene in a light of glitter pecked galaxies, then there was not a single chance that she would ever find herself dispirited for she crumbled at the sight of destruction, unprepared and only armed with a weak-willed belief.

At least, in a setup like this, she could keep her heart safe.

\- - -

The clank of the coins encompassed the vicinity, it being the only tangible noise after the strangely excruciating beeps of the machine in a feeble attempt to recognize the designated tariff of the products adjacent the counter.

"Here's your change, ma'am," said Kaya, a smile temporarily gracing her features.

"Ah, thank you." responded the customer, which Kaya had seen for about three times counting the last week. She only nodded curtly after her, readjusting the cap on her head.

Beneath the counter, Kaya's pale fingers played around with the cigarette in her possession. Amidst the frigid air, only the faint heat of the lit up cigar kept her fingertips from freezing fully. Perhaps someone from the staff set the temperature on the air-conditioner awfully low. If it carried out this way, Kaya would find herself partially immobilized by the tips and toes, therefore being incapable of scanning and handing out changes or even reaching out for the given bill. Generally, she won't be able to work efficiently. A sigh escaped her almost ashen blue tinted lips, the bottom quivering ever so slightly from the cold.

She tugged her hoodie's sleeves further downward, in an attempt to relieve some of the cutting sensation. Even in the morning she had felt how unusually crisp it was, seeing as she replaced the chronic uniform of Yoake's with a warm long-sleeved fabric. The weather was still somehow arctic and in no way humid, unlike some days, she noted. With that information, she increased the air-conditioner's temperature by about nine degrees, having it at twenty five. She still had to wait for the chill to subside, but it was far better than having to stand with tottering knees as the heat continued to fade. The piece of tobacco was placid between her fingers and unable to resist she took a small puff.

A curse settled itself at the corners of her mouth and with the lids of her eyes almost closed, she crushed the minimal source of heat and threw it into the trash bin, cracking a small smile in the process.

Feeling an unfamiliar reek of satisfaction and contradictorily regret, she paused in her strides to mull in silence. Of course she felt satisifed to have had enough will-power to get rid of the cigarette, but no doubt she felt an ominous regret crawling up her throat. It missed the sensibility it brought upon her rose-colored lungs, however destructive it was to the blossoms. But to regret was one thing; to give in was another.

And she wasn't going to do that.

A grimace afterward, she kept fumbling with work. She still had a few hours to cover.

The sun slowly faded into the background by noon. Kaya had passed the store responsibility to Pogako, as she saw that he needed the rightful distraction. If he thought he didn't need a self-evaluation before continuing with his life, she would not bother convincing him to just lay low. She had enough of snooping into other people's businesses and privacy. She didn't know anyone better than themselves, no one actually did and that precisely is why we do not have a free-way ticket to decide how one had to live their life.

The plum toned neon sign of Yoake complimented Kaya's hair rather well. It was only then that she realized it was already past seven in the evening, as the street lights were getting lit up one after another.

Her eyes caught a cluster of blonde hair apart the semi crowded alleyway.

"Katsuki-chan, nice seeing you this fine day or shall I say night?" chimed Kaya in a closed-eye smile which Katsuki did not return. He merely scoffed and threw another cheap jab back.

"Can't believe you can see me under that shit ton of hair in front of your face,"

"Aw, is that your way of telling me to tuck my hair prettily behind my ears?"

"Just tuck your hair, there's no 'prettily'."

"Shush you still cared about my hair dear friend."

Katsuki pretended to gag at the mention of friend. Kaya cocked an eyebrow to this and thought that no, he didn't just do that because oh boy, she had dirt to contradict that pseudo gag.

Smugly, Kaya added, "You might have forgotten but you dropped the F-word exactly four days ago and I can quote what you said, even."

"The F — F what?" he questioned, a poorly masked confusion gracing his features as it subsided, his face slowly indicating that he got the point. Friends.

But as soon as he got it, he bolted straight inside Yoake to buy perhaps, if Kaya dared guess, a cup of Extra Hot ramen. How the disgust, in a cute way she had no idea how he mustered, was painfully laughable. His face wasn't flushed from silly embarrassment alone of course, she knew most of it stemmed from annoyance and anger thrown into a mix.

Katsuki got out the store and sat across her grumpily, and a smile settled itself on Kaya's face again.

"You didn't deny the F-word."

In his naturally hoarse voice Katsuki responded, "There's nothing to deny."

A grin broke out in Kaya's face afterwards.


	16. subrosas and cataracts

**S U B R O S A S**

 **A N D**

 **C A T A R A C T S**

The ocean was something both Kaya marvelled and feared.

Though maybe the ocean wasn't the one she feared but, rather, what lies deep within it. Because the waters were clear and sparse and glistening — like the ocean was made for humans to look at and realize it was something they'll never, _ever_ be. Truly beautiful. Humankind would never be sincerely beautiful. They're tainted and mad and greedy, causing disasters upon disasters.

A human, once born, was already a tragedy.

A product of both love and sin. That was humankind and that was all Kaya could ever acknowledge herself to be. So she doesn't try to purify herself — instead, Kaya covers her entirety with a thick layer of smoke, for one day, she knew that she would drift away the same way as the mist. It was sad, and unbecoming for a supposed optimist such as herself. An optimist she may be but a fool she was not; for a dreamer does not dwell on things he doesn't believe in. People can think that myths of Gods were real while others can think that only one God existed — still, both of them dream — but they do not hold faith for the same things. This was how tens to hundreds to thousands to millions were differentiated.

Kaya didn't know how she was different, but she knows she is, so maybe that will just have to do. They were things a lot more important than mulling over such crisis, though, like how she would survive Katsuki's rage when he finds out that the heater was dysfunctional.

This morning, Pogako was fixing the usual stuff on Yoake, and Kaya entrusted him the vicinity while she watched him work it out. Kaya knew how to keep a store in top shape, of course, she wouldn't last eight years of single-to-not-single managing the store on and off. But Pogako just looked so miserable. ("Kaya, let me do the morning check-up, please?") He wanted to do.. something. Maybe the morning check-up — it's what they called it when they went to go over the stock and appliances at Yoake if they were running or not — was the only thing he thought that could busy him enough. It didn't bode well for them both, though, as Pogako ended up breaking the heater during his insisted check-up. It was first the sound of a spark, then a flicker of electricity, and then it just made the noise when you knew something was broken. (Kaya didn't know if it was the apparatus that was broken or both Pogako and the heater. She concluded both.)

Kaya was frustrated, of course, she had that heater for years — maybe it was also old age catching up to the appliance, she wouldn't put it past a heater to get sick tired of growing up as well. It happens to the best of us.

"Gods, um, I'm really really sorry Kaya. It's not really a good day for me — "

"Yeah it's barely a day. It's six am."

"— well, sure, but you know how the past days are... no let's not go there, yeah?" Kaya nodded, "but I'm good to go? Just need to relax a bit or so. Give me some minutes and — "

"Po-san, sit down, get your minutes, lock yourself in the employee room and do nothing please." prompts Kaya, ushering Pogako to the still locked employee room. He looked at Kaya mildly affronted, and shook his head firmly.

"No, no, I'm working."

"Wow, shocks, and your boss is giving you the day off. Would you look at _that_?"

Pogako made a sound that sounded close to a whine and Kaya wished that Katou was here to see how his 'honeybunch' was so cutely acting, "Kaya, I'm really good to go."

"Good to go to hell, yeah." Kaya dubiously commented, dismissing him.

"I just didn't get some sleep last night, okay?"

"Sleep in the emp room for twenty four hours no biggie."

This time, Pogako made a full-out frustrated groan and palmed his face. To this, Kaya threw her head back and laughed, patting Pogako on the shoulders, "Really, take the day-off. If you don't want to see yourself slacking off someplace somewhere, then I have a place for you to go to."

Her umber-headed friend mulled it over (knowing that he won't win against his boss anyways), "Fine, fine. Just don't have me parading on strip clubs." resigned Pogako. Honestly, Kaya was a bit offended. Why would she ever lead him to a strip club? She was _way_ better than that!

"Nah, you see, there's this café named The Quill that has shady coloring and oh, new waiter..."

\- - -

Pogako had left hours ago and judging by Katou's email of "fuck you but thank you" to her, Kaya knew Pogako had left taking her advice to heart, apparently. People should start paying Kaya for her fairy godmother duties that they so needed.

Surely, surely, night would arrive soon. Kaya maniacally cackled to herself as Pogako hasn't returned yet, meaning things has gotten better than good (hello, fairy godmother duties?). Not much dropped by today, but it wasn't so few that she could take a nap and not be woken up by chimes from customers dropping by. Oh, and the passerbys that entered Yoake then leave without even buying anything was ridiculous. Kaya would never enter a convenience store and go home empty-handed. That's so... wrong. Just so wrong it's unbelievable people do that. Aren't they _ashamed_?

Among other things, she remembered one question of the woman with twins and a ruddy kid by their front asked her some time ago named Shizuka-san — why people address her so familiarly and casually with her given name — she still owns Yoake and was somehow adultish, right?

Well, Kaya wasn't her first name, unlike other people presupposed, so it wasn't all that of a wonder.

A lot of people just assumed Kaya's given name was actually Kaya.

Given that she had no distant relatives to compare her name to, it was a common mistake that was made. Kaya didn't really mind all that much — her given name was actually Tsumei, and it sounded like a family name more than anything. People called her Mei or either Sei back then, and whenever Kaya thinks of it, the names she ones answered to spoke nothing but foreign to her ears. She hadn't been called Mei for years, let alone Sei. It sounded too girly, anyway. Not to mention it was such common nicknames. Kaya wanted to be someone worth remembering and while her name wasn't so out of the box, it wasn't too mainstream either. She liked it that way, even though 'Kaya' always had other things to tell, which she minds enumerating, thank you very much.

It's cool and Tsumei is mouthful on the 'Tsu' so she ignores the name altogether. Maybe she'd pester Katsuki on saying it one day, though, you never know.

Oh and remember when Kaya told that she couldn't take a nap and not be bothered by the chimes? Apparently, she could space out thinking while _not_ hearing the chimes. Really, how Yoake did not have thieves swarming it she had no idea at all.

Also, she was a little screwed.

"What the absolute fuck happened to the heater?"

Kaya swallowed and shrugged Katsuki's question off like a casual way of saying oh-it's-just-broken-no-hot-water-for-you.

"Not your heater, not your problem."

A glare.

"... plus, isn't your quirk thing something with heat or fire or like that?"

"I'm _not_ a human heater, woman."

"Yeah but you're kind of hot, aren't you?" inserted Kaya as she winked. The absolutely mortified look that surfaced on Katsuki's face was the highlight of her day. Making moody bipolar teenage blonds hilariously speechless was now her new talent, thank you very much.

"Fuck off and just why is the damn heater broken."

"Give me a minute to explain, Katsuki-chan, goodie?"

"Fine, sixty seconds."

"That's too short!"

"It's literally a fucking minute you shitstain."

Kaya paused and blinked, "Oh."

Katsuki gave her a scoff and mocked, " _Oh_."

"A minute sounds better, in my defense!"

Katsuki grunted and placed the cup of Extra Hot ramen over the counter, "Find a way."

"Oh for the love of smokes, really?"

"Don't give a damn. Just find a way." With that, the hot headed blond seated himself comfortably on one of Yoake's benches, drumming his fingertips casually on the surface on the table, a badly executed I'm-innocent expression adorning his face.

Kaya, just too used to this, chuckled and decided maybe she actually could find a way around this. If maybe she could just... ah.

Katsuki furrowed his brows when the loud bitch suddenly grinned his way and disappeared off the employee door and walked out of it suspiciously fast, a steaming cup of ramen on her hands.

What? It was supposed to be longer and more difficult than that!

The woman placed it in front of him and waved her hands dismissively, "Well?"

"Fucking _cheater_. What'd you do, huh?!"

And of course the bitch only cackled.

\- - -

 **a / n ;** we're over twenty favorites and follows now! thank you all so much and leave a review if you'd like!


	17. bridles and pacts

**B R I D L E S**

 **A N D**

 **P A C T S**

At night, Kaya found herself alone with only a cigarette as a company.

Yoake was already closed and she was, as always, just gazing out the window chanting in her head that _no, no, no, she's not going to go back to smoking, that she can't— can't pick that stick up— because she promised, didn't she so no, no—_ and everything hurt. Her heart hurt and she didn't know why, but her lungs crave something and she knew perfectly what it was but she couldn't do that, right? Today was great, nothing went too wrong with exception of the heater which would be fixed tomorrow soon so that's not a problem — that's not what makes everything so heavy and sad and suffocating.

Suffocating.

Maybe that was it.

Maybe Kaya was suffocating, that she's out of air and that's what her rose-colored lungs wanted because now it's just a garden of thorns devoid of air and what was its air? It was the smoke, the same smoke she vowed to herself she would never inhale but can she live without her air, can her lungs even survive so long before it starts giving up on her, before she starts giving up on herself? No, _no_ of course she can't; Kaya has already established that she's not that strong that she can't take everything head-on because she always runs from her problems though right now she can only run so far before her legs felt like they were crippled, before her feet stops taking its steps, before her toes start curling from fatigue and before she, eventually, just runs out of breath, of air.

But could that lone cigarette even save her from her inner battles? Something inside herself screamed _yesyesyes just take it and feel it and do it, you fucking coward_ even if it was so wrong — felt so wrong. Though who could decide what was wrong and what was right? Her morals wasn't God, it wasn't her, and it was slowly dropping, slowly disappearing, leading Kaya to the path where she could save herself ( _could she_?) and her hollow heart.

So maybe just one smoke wouldn't hurt. Maybe just... one cigarette and _yes_ — it didn't hurt, Kaya breathes in relief, as there was now a cigarette pressed between her lips and the smoke— her own air blew the thorns out and roses started blooming again in her lungs and it felt so incredible. Cages started cracking, chains started breaking, walls started crumbling, her breath started stabling and her heart started throbbing (she was alive again). Everything was in order, the clogs were now placed where they should be and Kaya felt so free— too free.

And all became unchained, as well as her tears.

\- - -

Kaya stared at the chime by Yoake's doors.

She watched as it swayed, her gaze following. She stayed there as it sang a tune she can't quite place, and she thought of how it was all too peaceful.

Pogako was away; still, Jinks and Yoru, her only remaining employees were left in charge of the stock and Kaya was, as always, on the counter, a fixed smile stretched on her face so much that it didn't feel quite true. After all, when was it ever?

Kaya understood Pogako needed as much time as he could get, she suggested it anyway, and she was not going to take it back now. The three of them could handle Yoake by themselves, thank you very much. Kaya's been handling it for almost eight years, and back then she only had perhaps one man to help and she did the rest by herself when she started turning double digits. She added the extra help later on, and while it made things loads easier, she still knew how it felt to work with only a limited supply of aid.

The heater was working wonderfully now too, and Katsuki wouldn't have anything to be annoyed of. With the exception of him bugging Kaya about what she did yesterday, though, of course. Like she'll ever tell him, Kaya chuckled to herself.

"You're going batshit crazy, woman."

Kaya halted her half-chuckle to face Katsuki there, already holding a cup of extra hot ramen in his hands, and Kaya wondered how the hell she did not hear him entering. That was weird in all sense, because she can perfectly hear the chime and the customer's footsteps every time. She did it this day, too, excuse you, even when distracted. But Katsuki was already odd himself, so she let it slide.

"What's wrong with laughing while you're alone?" Kaya shot back, doing a theatrical gasp to emphasize the fact that she was offended, even if it was kind of fake, anyway.

"It's you, so of course it's wrong." Katsuki scoffed and this time Kaya did a genuine indignant offended sound because what does that even _mean_? She was normal by her standards. And if she was by Kaya's standards alone, then what of Katsuki's?

Kaya shoved the ramen in his face after he had paid for that comment of his, and he just snickered while taking his seat. Kaya rolled her eyes at that.

And they fell into a comfortable silence.

Kaya was back to staring at the wind chime again. Following its sway, its movements, all full of grace. She was by no means graceful, no, but she wasn't very brash herself. She'd go as far as saying that temperament of hers was balanced, in a way.

Kaya was never too laid-back or too angry. At times, she felt content watching from the sidelines and her problems were simply cast aside with her thinking that 'it'll be fine' when of course it wouldn't be but she did not reach the level of calmness that soothes her soul; and she couldn't find herself furious enough to feel her bones set aflame and her vision clouded of red. Neutral and normal — she always repeated over and over. It was a reminder she was human, wasn't it?

The lilac haired teen reached for her pocket and lit up a cigarette, forgetting someone was there with her. All she thought of was that she needed to clear her mind and that she was in control ( _wasn't she_?) of her choices. Katsuki blinked at her direction, finding it somewhat.. odd that she started her habit again.

"You're smoking that fucking stick again?"

Kaya snapped back quickly as she registered Katsuki's voice, "It's a cigarette and not a 'fucking stick' as you so eloquently put it, Katsuki-chan. And yes, I am."

Katsuki grunted, "I don't care what it's called. Cigarette is a mouthful."

"Sure," Kaya dismissed easily, taking off Yoake's cap to shuffle her hair back to place. That's when she noticed that the cap, when placed on Katsuki in her mind, was actually rather fascinating to imagine. And Kaya would definitely like to see Katsuki in a Yoake uniform, "Hey, Katsuki-chan?"

"Wha'?" He drawled out, still focused on his ramen.

"What do you say about being about being a part-time helper at Yoake?"

There was a pause as Katsuki blinked at her, bemused.

"I say a huge fucking no."

"Oh c'mon! It'll be great!"

"I'll be training so I have no time for this shit."

Kaya was already through that, "That's why it's part-time, yeah? Like just sub with me for some hours or something. I'll pay you."

"No."

"I'll tell you how I did that thing with the ramen yesterday. After the temporary part-time."

Katsuki halted then, now considering the offer. He still seemed unconvinced to Kaya, though, so she cut him off on whatever he was supposed to say next.

"And free ramen. All done."

Katsuki squinted his eyes briefly and clicked his tongue, "Fine."

Kaya grinned at that. Of course — she wouldn't tell Katsuki he needed to wear the uniform. It was a story for another day.

Then Kaya took in a breath, rejoicing on the fact that the thorns she had felt were gone in her lungs, replaced by the ever needed air she eventually had provided.

\- - -

to Tora3, would love to say we all want spicy ramen but i sadly don't — to DreamsOfTheDamn, she is, isn't she? kaya is such a cinnamon roll — to Guest, thank you sm!

(and to all, thanks for the reviews!)


	18. waywards and epiphanies

**W A Y W A R D S**

 **A N D**

 **E P I P H A N I E S**

We all have different things keeping us awake.

Whether it be the burnt toast we left a minute over at the toaster this morning, the only point we missed to pass the trigonometry exam, the secret our friends promised they'd tell us but they never did, the answer to last month's riddle, the thoughts running rampant on our brains unrelenting, or maybe our emotions running high or the crippling paranoia or the — the... the what? What else? What more? When we can't blame our restlessness on anyone, anything anymore, who — what — will we blame?

Who will we burden?

Ourselves.

We're awake because we want to be.

We're awake because we think something's wrong, that we haven't figured out something yet and we have — need — to know what it is, because what are we even living for? For life? For just existing? Our eyes are wide open because unconsciously, we want to find our purpose. Oh, you've figured out how to do that mackerel dish? Congratulations! Now find another thing to live for.

It's a cycle of inevitability, it's something that will go round and round and round until you realize that you don't know why you're standing on that airport taking a plane, why you're eating that ice cream you bought three blocks down, or why you're even breathing when you know that eventually you'll be gasping, grasping for air and the life you don't know why you crave and it's— it's so ridiculous.

Not a lot of people think of it as such, but Kaya does. She does because she keeps finding herself going back to a piece of tobacco and why? Is it her only excuse to keep herself on the surface? Is it what kept her awake, alive, aware?

She doesn't know.

She doesn't know.

She doesn't know and it fucking hurts.

And the funniest thing about that?

She doesn't even know too why it hurts so much.

\- - -

A pool of water formed on Yoake's tiles. A pale green bucket that fell over beside it, in front of it a lilac haired store owner and behind it a blond with a scowl on his face.

Kaya thought this was honestly a good idea, by the way. Katsuki working on Yoake even for a short time? Wonderful! What could just go wrong, right?

"You purposely kicked that bucket, didn't you?"

The boy in question huffed, "No I fucking didn't."

"Then who kicked that bucket?"

Katsuki cocked an eyebrow and sneered, "Maybe the bucket kicked itself."

"The bucket isn't a 'who', Katsuki-chan."

"Even if you die I did not kick that damned bucket!"

Time to bring out the big guns, Kaya thought, "I saw you kick it. With my own eyes. My very pretty eyes, thank you very much."

"You have no proof."

Kaya internally rubbed her temples. She opened the drawer near the counter and held out Yoake's signature cap that every employee, part-time or not, had to wear but Katsuki very politely declined it, ("What the fuck is that? No shit I'm eating my intestines before I wear that hideous satan cap— no, no, get that the fuck away from me, you bitch— no, stop you absolute fu—") though he wore the standard uniform, only the sleeves are rolled and the first few buttons are undone.

The cap instantly exploded and Kaya reeled back from it, dropping it in the process.

"You just blew up the cap! The precious, beautiful Yoake cap!"

"I did the right thing."

"Nevermind, you know? We have so many spares and — "

The employee room snapped open abruptly, a ruffled looking Yoru and blinking Jinks, the remaining Yoake staff, emerging from it.

"What happened, Kaya-chan?"

"... Fireworks."

"What?" said Yoru.

"And who's this new guy? Why's he on the unif?" followed Jinks.

"Wait, what fireworks?"

"Just a part-time guy, he's Katsuki-chan! Best friend of mine!"

"Oh. Okay, then. Counter duty?"

"Sort of."

"Nice. I see it's nothing so I'll be dragging Yoru out with me now, bye, Kaya-chan!"

"Uh, what fireworks? Excuse me am I the only one who heard that— "

The door was shut instantly and locked, the hushed voices and footsteps disappearing completely.

Katsuki squinched at Kaya, a grimace pulling at his face, "The hell do you mean, fireworks? My explosions are nothing like those shit— "

"Oh smokes, just step away from the bucket and let me mop the water off, please?"

Katsuki was somehow hopeless in this. Intentionally, anyways. Kaya knew he could do his job right if he actually tried not being an asshole but asking Katsuki not to be an asshole's a tougher job than flying to the moon and back. He was bearable, at least. When he wasn't making silly, petty acts of pissing Kaya off (which never happened, Kaya was wholly amused by the whole ordeal), he was just standing beside her in the counter, uniform and all, glaring at the customers and Kaya always stepped in before he could scare them away.

He was restrained, at some extent, well, until..

"What the fuck do you mean you're buying this Extra Hot ramen?"

"I.. um, I just.. want to eat.." The man swallowed, "to uh, eat a ramen?"

"Eat another ramen then."

"But I like the uh.. Extra Hot one, sir?"

"How about no."

If you look at it in Katsuki's perspective, it was the only Extra Hot flavor left at Yoake and that loud woman did promise him a free ramen after this, didn't she? So this jackass ain't getting anything. Nope. Not while he's around.

Kaya blinked, recovered, then smiled amiably at the undoubtedly uncomfortable and scared out of his wits customer, "Sir, I'm sorry for his... well, for him. You can get it." and before Katsuki could burst, Kaya whispered, "I'll just buy you this flavor somewhere, Katsuki-chan."

Kaya quickly scanned and took the urgent customer's money then gave him his correct amount of change, and she watched in stifled laughter as the man scampered off the store hurriedly. Katsuki was only a little bad for business. Just a little.

"Where's my ramen now, woman."

"Later."

"No. Now."

Kaya stared at the blond, scanning his features to see if he was serious about that or not, only to sigh when she found his expression genuine.

"Alright, wait," Kaya cupped her hands between her mouth and shouted, "Yoru-san! I'll be leaving for a bit! Watch over Katsuki-chan for me!"

Yoru yelled back, "Will I know what the fireworks meant — "

Kaya didn't let him finish as she headed for the door, "Thanks!"

\- - -

Kaya wasn't attempting to restock the Extra Hot ramen until tomorrow, so she settled for just buying one or two at another convenience store some place near.

Eleven turns later, Kaya found a small store in the alleyway and didn't waste time on heading for it — that was until tiny hands grabbed the hem of her shirt, pulling her back a little.

When she turned to see who grabbed her, she saw a kid, looking not older than ten, staring up at her with wide, green eyes that immediately fell in disappointment when she saw Kaya's face.

"I.. I'm sorry, Nee-san! I thought you were mommy 'cause, you have her hair an' all..."

The little girl looked like a kicked puppy that it unnerved Kaya. A lot.

"It's okay, where's your mother, then, dear?"

"We separated.. this place's sooo dark sometimes, you know, Nee-san? I kinda let go of mommy's hand.. I'm Meiko!"

Kaya smiled warmly, "Yes, it's dark sometimes, isn't it? Nice to meet you, Meiko-chan. I'm Kaya."

Seiko's eyes shone and she beamed, "Kaya? Cool! Mommy's named Kaya too! Said she didn't wanna get daddy's sir.. sur? surname, I think, I don't really know. You're like twinsies in cartoons, awesome!"

And Kaya stilled.

She stared at the little girl for seconds, noting that her shade of hair was too much like her own.

Lilac.

Didn't she say her 'mommy' had Kaya's hair, too?

Maybe she was just being paranoid. Maybe she was overthinking it but —

"Aa.. Meiko-chan, what's your mommy's name?"

Please not her, pleasepleaseplease—

"Kaya Missa!"

—no.

Kaya's breath hitched, her pupils dilated and suddenly she lacked air. Breathe, Kaya, breathe, she told herself, chanting a nice, warm reminder in her head that no, it couldn't be, just no — her mother was dead, Missa was dead — she couldn't be alive and had left Kaya all alone please, please no. (But a body was never found, that day, after all.)

"Nee-san..?"

"How.. how old are you?"

"Eight.. my mommy said I was.. why, Nee-san?"

Her mother, Kaya Missa, was reported dead together with her father, Kaya Hiroto, eight years ago.

And fuck. Fuckfuckfuck this can't be happening— why would she leave her all alone, broken and sad and hurting, when she could've came back and even without her father— father. Realization dawned on Kaya and she choked out a sob, her mother was having an affair, oh God that's why they were fighting all the time even without Kaya involved — stop, stop, stop, stop it.

Why did she never notice? Not even a small bump on her stomach? Why did she have to leave her like that?

Kaya let go of the little girl (who took away her mother, her only remaining hope, her sunshine, her light, her guide, her way, her everything), and shakingly placed both her hands at her sides.

"I'm sure.. you'll find your mother on your own well enough, Meiko."

Meiko.

Mei.

Kaya gave a bitter laugh, recalling her first name — Tsumei.

She even named the girl after her.

And oddly she didn't feel honoured. She felt replaced.

This would surely, surely keep her awake.

\- - -

Kaya went back to Yoake shaking and shuddering. Her shoulders were hunched, her senses driven out her body, and everything felt so heavy — too heavy.

Katsuki snapped his gaze up when the chime rang and Kaya stepped in.

"Where the fuck's my ram— "

Katsuki pursed his lips and scanned the usually vibrant, loud, obnoxious woman just.. standing there. Kaya's eyes looked haunted. Her hair was disheveled and everything about her right now was wrong. Katsuki just knew this wasn't the same person that shamelessly invited him to be her regular — it just couldn't be.

He walked past an appalled Yoru and placed both his hands on Kaya's shoulders unsurely, not quite knowing how to do this. She shuddered, and then buried his face in Katsuki's shoulders. She was quivering, and he could feel all the ragged breaths she took, one by one. Hurriedly, quickly, promptly, like she was getting out of breath anytime soon.

"Oi, woman, what the hell's wrong?"

Then, head rested on his shoulder, Kaya cried.

And it felt awful.

\- - -

to CLEVERLU's review, thank you very much! im glad you felt something from all the shit i wrote and i an so honoured that you appreciate this story just the way it is. your review made my day, you're amazing. thank you, thank you, really. that would keep me going.


	19. sanguines and auroras

**a / n ;** this is shorter than the past stuffs maybe not much significantly, a little fillery that has all the important things on the narrative. here's an update! a steady steady one. and omg how do u even write bakugou?1??1?1 i am vv sorry if he's ooc, i love my baby but he's so hard to write!

———

 **S A N G U I N E S**

 **A N D**

 **A U R O R A S**

Bakugou Katsuki found Kaya Tsumei annoying.

Kaya was loud, irritating, utterly vivid and an outrageous hyperactive human being. She was that — and Katsuki doesn't know why she had to be so bright. Doesn't understand why she radiated so much energy and it seemed like she was breathing sunshine. So, _so_ bright it almost blinded him. And that was annoying. Because of that, it hurts to look at her alone. It stings, and whenever she smiled and cackled and teased him he couldn't look for long. He would have to turn away in a grimace, because why was she that golden, that ablaze and that beaming? It was all so, so irritating and bothersome. He couldn't even spare a look. She was just like that Deku. Not as flashing, of course, but they both had that glossy light around them and it was so fucking aggravating.

But right there on his shoulder was the same ( _was she even the same anymore_?) loud, annoying woman, the light on her back flickering and withering and fading until it was just gone and he could finally look without turning away. Katsuki didn't like the sight he saw underneath all those vivid blinding lights. Why was she so silent? Where was her _brightbrightbright_ halo— and was she even _breathing_? What— why was his sleeve suddenly damp? Why was someone sobbing— oh no no no, were those _tears_?

Someone was crying. On his shoulder. His sleeve. It was her. That loud, vexatious woman.

And then on and on Katsuki watched as Kaya cried, his question left unanswered. The light was gone and it felt cold— too cold. Dark. His fingers twitched while perched on Kaya's backside, awkwardly shuffling and making all the unnecessary movements. She didn't seem bothered, Katsuki noted and why was he the only one feeling how lumbering this whole ordeal was?

A choked sob brought Katsuki back and his hands retreated to his sides, and for the second time that night he looked at Kaya directly. A coughing, sobbing mess while her sickly pale face was framed with her lilac locks that fell clumsily and her eyes— her eyes that (once) held a twinkle in their depths were lidded and clouded and hazed; it almost seemed like it wasn't hers. If this was what Katsuki would see beneath the blinding guise, then he would have preferred not being able to see it at all.

Because Kaya was all of the racing cars, fast chases, blinking lights, sunflower fields, those sunny winter mornings, cheesy grins, swaying hips, the in between, the soft singings and everything above the surface where the light touches. She was a thunderstorm. A force that just kept on going because she was a fighter.

She was a lot of things but most of all she was the one who tried to reach out when everyone would rather flick their heads some other direction than talking to him. Katsuki did not understand. He could consider some of his bothersome, bastardous classmates as one of the few who tolerated him, who didn't see him as a strenuous, unpleasant person who was _weakweakweak_ —

Katsuki had written Kaya off as some other simpleton who didn't see the reason why he had a dream. She laughed at his ambition, after all. Shook it off because she thought, that of course, he was just a makeshift lame phony and not worth anybody's time it was so, so tiring give him a fucking chance and he'll prove all of them wrong, blow all of their faces into oblivion because he had something to show the world! He was somebody! ( _Gods_ , take him seriously.)

Though, she made him promise something.

It encouraged his drive, it told him to go on and fulfill his dream, _she_ told him to burst through those doors of scrutinizing looks and show all of those non-believers that he will reach his reverie because she 'believed' in him. Because he was Bakugou Katsuki after all, wasn't he?

Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly who he was.

".. Woman. Your snot is fucking disgusting," Katsuki commented, after the silence stretched.

And Kaya chuckled lowly. It was faint, almost like it wasn't there. But he heard it. That's all that matters.

"Oh my god, Katsuki-chan please buy a book about comforting people because I feel even worse," replied Kaya, shaking her head, though a relieved smile encompassed her features slightly, "Or not. Just.. smokes, you're so weird why did I even _think_ you'd be okay. Your shoulder was a great help. Thanks for it."

"My shoulder is awesome."

Kaya threw him the oddest look she could muster. Was he doing this _now_?

Letting out an exasperated sigh, she smiled his way, "I'm okay, by the way, if ever you wondered. I knew you did, so shush. I guess I'll just.. need to take some time to process stuff. I'll... um.."

Katsuki grunted, "Yeah, yeah, you'll tell me when you can," he took Kaya's head to his hand and pressed her down his shoulder again, "Stop faking that bullshit smile on me you idiot. I know you still wanna cry or something stupidly emo like that."

"Even if I put some snot on your clothes?"

"Yeah whatever. And you'll go to my Sports Festival tomorrow. Miss it and I'll fucking blow you up, you hear me?"

"You didn't even ask nicely," gasped Kaya, mocking a gasp as her features softened, a serene look befalling her, not quite smiling but not that torn anymore, "... Thank you so much, Katsuki-chan."

Katsuki didn't reply.

Instead, he looked down on the figure that began sobbing on his shoulders again, shaking.

So this, Katsuki realized, was how the sun weeps.

\- - -

They were thunderstorms.

Katsuki and Kaya were the flickering light in the dark. They stood out and lit up whatever was around them, stealing all the show and the center stage and the notoriety. Because they were incredible like that. A picturesque figure among those that dulled in comparison. Such burning, bright souls that they blinded each other.

One embraced the light given, and the other turned away.

But they were both still so, _so_ fetching, alluring, and dazzling. They were, respectively, the type you would not be able to disregard because they just called upon you. Called upon your soul and set it aflame. Misplacing the cities in your heart, filling it with love and songs and art.

They were the kind that you will forever find messed up and turned, booming yet reclusive and had thorns growing on their beings.

Katsuki and Kaya; the thunderstorms that would stay jaded.

For they were tired, but perhaps, not quite broken yet.

———

to SUMIIANNA's review, thank you so much! i'm glad you enjoyed the chapter and felt something.. like.. something... there. in that.

to SHIRANAI ATSUNE's review, i hope you came to like at _a standstill_! it'a developing and sappy sad, but how do you think of it so far?


	20. liabilities and pedestals

**L I A B I L I T I E S**

 **A N D**

 **P E D E S T A L S**

Kaya had always been just somebody's obligation.

People were there for her because they thought they needed to be. Because they knew she had no one left, and they viewed her as a a mission. A broken jigsaw puzzle that they had to piece together — they were in love with the idea of fixing her that Kaya feared once she completes herself that she'll be all alone because they've already finished their goal.

So yes; Kaya was afraid of change. Of being fixed and coming undone. Maybe they were unaware that when they were trying to piece her together, she didn't really want them to? That maybe instead of mending her they were hurting her, and _so much damage_ adorned her skin scarred with spellings of _are you okay, are you alright, whywhywhy—_ and it just had to stop. Kaya wasn't their personal mission, she wasn't part of their fantasy and charade to fix all the broken souls. Not because they lived so close to her that they had to meddle with anything and everything. What were they even guilty for?

Kaya's not blind. She was many, many things, but it was never blind. Kaya sees their stares. The way their eyes droop and saddens when they watch her fumble around Yoake, glazed over with pity and curiosity and _everything_ she didn't want. So maybe they saw her jaded and they felt something, whatever it was that told them they could — should — be there for her because she had no one left, right? Surely, surely, she needed someone?

And it was ridiculous that they thought it was _them_ Kaya needed.

To them, she's not Kaya Tsumei. She's the girl with the ever (too) used past that took everything from her hold. Then nothing. She doesn't have an anchor. Because she's Kaya, that kid who got stripped of everything too soon for comfort.

Sometimes, Kaya wonders, when she laid down her covers at night, if anyone saw her efforts to hold on. If anyone saw her as.. Kaya, the girl who rebuilt herself slowly, _who runs that awesome convenience store down the alleyway that's really, really entertaining and did you know she's only fifteen and has this nice shade of lilac hair and also very obnoxious?_...Do people even focus on who she is rather than what she has been through?

Probably not.

Kaya shifted the coin on her fingertips, setting it down with a clang atop the counter. Kaya lifted Yoake's cap off her head and smiled slightly, standing up from her seat and hollered, "Yoru-san, Jin-san, I'm heading off somewhere! Can one of you take counter duty?"

Jinks replied a 'Sure!' from the staff room and Kaya, already in casual clothing, made her way out the store with the Yoake cap in hand.

She had one detour to go to before going at Katsuki's Sports Festival.

\- - -

The Quill's color scheme still remained the same.

The lack of change was refreshing.

Kaya took it upon herself to allow a small grin on her face as she watched Katou and Pogako laugh, outside The Quill. The coffee shop wasn't bustling with customers that time of day, and the other waiters and waitresses just hung around with the customers, joking and messing about. Pogako still hasn't returned to Yoake, but he ensured Kaya he'll be okay soon, and Kaya let out a fond sigh at that because she knew it was because of Katou-san that Pogako's phrase of 'I'm going to be okay' seemed so, so genuine than before. It was heartwarming. They both looked so... happy.

She wiped the grin off her face and entered the café, the chime ringing and heads turning. Kaya caught Pogako and Katou's gaze and eye-smiled, this time a little softer, maybe a bit sincere and true.

"Kaya-chan!"

Kaya mock saluted at Katou in response, wiggling her eyebrows in the process while not-so-subtly glancing at Pogako.

"You owe me a gazillion, Tou-san." teased Kaya.

"Oh hell, why is that nickname back now? I'm not _that_ old!"

"Denial is sweet."

"Shut up, what's your order and go get a seat, please."

"Aw, not the magic word!"

Katou grunted and pushed Kaya beside Pogako's seat, who only curled his lips serenely at her direction, "Fine, fine. I'm just getting a regular cup of coffee. I have somewhere to go to after this, I just grabbed a drink."

Katou cocked an eyebrow, "Just grabbed a 'drink'? A coffee in this bipolar weather?"

Kaya shrugged as she handed Katou the bill, "Iced then,"

Katou accepted the bill at the right amount and turned, "Alright, I'll be back soon so don't cause too much trouble!" he hollered, disappearing towards the corner.

Kaya didn't reply and instead wondered when she ever caused _such_ trouble.

"So, Po-san. You're getting cozy." Kaya started, her expression and tone suggestive while Pogako sputtered and flailed.

"Kaya, that's... it's— you're embarrassing."

"Honestly, what did I ever do to you people for you to offend me this way?"

Pogako gave Kaya a deadpan stare that gave away nothing but an unimpressed look, as if he couldn't quite believe she just asked him that.

"Anyway you were very obviously changing the topic, I take it things are going swimmingly?"

Pogako hung his head low and chuckled, "... Yeah."

"Why?"

"There's too much of Amira at Yoake. There's _so.._ much there that reminds me she's gone, you know? And here, it's, well — alright. Katou's really nice, if not infuriating at times when he's really too blunt," Pogako smiled, "I think I can get used to this... and come back soon."

"You don't need to force yourself, though, Yoru-san's plenty entertaining while Jin-san is there to keep him in line. You know Yoru-san. If he's not watched he's going to scurry off to some place somewhere. Next you know he's already cities away."

Pogako allowed himself to laugh at that, "I know. I miss those two. Though one of them is a handful, they really bright the place up."

Kaya grinned, "Yoake's not Yoake without some crazy people, of course."

"True that."

Katou emerged from the employee room carrying a regular cup of iced coffee, handing it to Kaya and she muttered a muffled 'thanks'. She stood and bid them goodbye then.

"So soon? Where are you even off to, Kaya?" Pogako questions. After all, he had missed Kaya's antics, even if it hardly has been a week they've not seen each other. She was embarrassing, yes, but he enjoyed her company nonetheless. It was like a sister's, a familial bond.

Before Kaya could respond, Katou interrupted, a knowing look on his face, "I bet you she's meeting up with the blond kid."

"Oh, the 'Katsuki-chan'?"

"Ah, quit it. Yes, It's Katsuki-chan, leave it alone. Though please annoy him when you have the chance," Kaya pushed on The Quill's door, "Good day, gentlemen, and thanks for the coffee, Tou-san!"

"I'm only twenty-five!"

\- - -

When Kaya arrived, she could sense the Festival, or tournament (or whatever it was, anyways), was nearing the end. She couldn't see much, but she knew by the way the arena's parts often exploded at random that Katsuki was there. There were trails of ice and the battle was undeniably riling the audience up. Kaya, of course, could understand. Their clashing was flashy, for the lack of a better term — and Kaya swore she'd seen that peculiar combination of hair color in Yoake one time — and it occurred to her in the middle of the chaos that he was soba guy. So her assumption was true, then, he was from UA. Huh. Well, she didn't know soba guy was acquainted with Katsuki-chan.

Kaya's eyes weren't trained and highly inexperienced, and she couldn't follow their movements. Some, were a blur, colors fading from orange to yellow to white and the others from light blue to only a wisp Kaya couldn't quite put a finger on what was. The screens showed Katsuki's face sometimes, and Kaya knew in a little while that something was off. His eyebrows were scrunched too heavily, his body posture was tenser than usual, much much tenser, and Kaya didn't know if that was the effects of battling alone or something else.

She shoved her worries aside and cheered for Katsuki, albeit silently, because gods, there were so many (too many) people that Kaya felt overwhelmed. She'd yell a few encouragements here and there but she knew it probably went unheard and drowned in the flurry of other voices.

Kaya clutched the Yoake's cap she brought from her sides, because smokes, she had very little knowledge on what was happening. At least.. it looked like Katsuki was winning. But he didn't look happy. Katsuki didn't have that blinding, though cocky, grin that always made Kaya's breath hitch because it was so _pure._ A scowl was fixed on his face instead — and it highly unnerved Kaya more than what was necessary.

Kaya was too focused on Katsuki's expression that she failed to notice the cheers that erupted earlier. Katsuki had won.

Yet why did he look like he lost?

Kaya pursed her lips and made her way outside the stadium. She'd wait for him outside, he clearly looked like he wanted to get out of there as soon as he could, after all.

People had rushed out of the stadium long ago. Kaya didn't see Katsuki. Maybe he had already left, and wandered some place somewhere, Kaya concluded.

And she knew where that was.

Kaya ran back to Yoake, panting and sweating and huffing. Surely, the hot-headed blond was there, bended over backwards on one of Yoake's benches, settled on a dark corner.

"Katsuki-chan."

Katsuki didn't reply, he didn't look up nor did he give any indications that he had heard Kaya. Kaya sighed and sat down beside him, knocking their shoulders together.

"Wow, who's being emo now?"

"Shut the fuck up, woman," Katsuki grit out, his voice breaking only slightly. There was a guttural sound that Kaya couldn't recognize. A gasp erupted from her lips when the blond lifted his head and his eyes had been.. prickling in _tears_. Smokes, what was with tears and them these days? Kaya didn't know what she should do — boys always complain how they couldn't do anything with comforting a crying girl but have you _ever_ tried to comfort a boy, one who's this overzealous, nonetheless?

"You're not.. okay, Katsuki-chan."

"The hell not," he grunted, glassy tears cascading on his face, "Damned halfie held back on me, you know that? Probably thought I wasn't strong enough, wasn't fucking _worth it_ when all I've ever done was to prove that I was worth _something_!"

Kaya bit her lip and heaved a sigh, Katsuki was hard to watch like this. He'd always been a fiery soul, a figure of strength Kaya compared herself to. She wanted to be as.. headstrong as Katsuki was. It looked like nothing could bring him down, like he was always, _always_ built so meticulously that he couldn't ever crumble.

But maybe he could.

And maybe that makes both of them human.

"You're worth more than most people, Katsuki-chan. Heck, you're worth more than me... you're not a coward. You're not weak because you're my pillar," Kaya paused, "My pillar of strength. Unlike me you actually did something to prove yourself. And I know you will. Mope around all you want, but I thought you were Katsuki Bakugou, the one who's gonna be the number one hero, huh?"

"Hell yeah I'm that, what the fuck do you even mean," Katsuki all but snarled, though it lacked venom.

Kaya cackled and put Yoake's cap over Katsuki's head, "C'mon, future number one hero needs his food."

Katsuki didn't complain about the cap, or when Kaya left him for a bit outside to get some ramen, not when she placed the steaming cup in front of him as Katsuki began to eat it, the smallest hint of softening features around his face visible.

"Oi, Kaya," Katsuki paused, "You're.. worth it too, woman."

 _"You're worth more than most people, Katsuki-chan. Heck, you're worth more than me."_

Ah.

Kaya didn't really think she was, though if he said so, then she'll leave it be. Katsuki was, after all, wasn't here beside her because he just needed to be. This time, Kaya was the one who was needed.

To him, she wasn't just a responsibility, and it made Kaya feel all the best feelings.

"What are you talking about, Katsuki-chan?" Kaya smiled, out of relief, out of happiness — she didn't know, "Of course I am."

To him, she was Kaya Tsumei. And to her, he was Bakugou Katsuki; and that was enough.

———

to TORA3's review, yes, it's the sports festival! but nothing really happened much around it, as i have said that i wouldn't focus highly on the action stuff.

to DREAMSOFTHEDAMN's, review, i agree. missa would be terrified, ofc. but kaya couldn't just direct little meiko back to her mother. also spoiler or a hintie/ you guys would see kaya's mother veeeery horrified soon.

 _thank you all for reviewing, favoriting and following! love you all jjshsjfjsjdhs 3_


	21. adherents and incognitos

**a / n ;** I'VE CHANGED USERNAMES — **im now shen j and not shenxius** — hello! please take note: i am _not_ shipping kaya off to cancer land just because of her smoking. thank u! oh and oops, something finally stirred in this chapter??? what am i doing aldkslkdjsksjjsjsldkl— also!! my school starts again this monday, june 4, but i will still try and update regularly. have a nice (whatever time of day it is there) and pls pray for my back to school day ughuhu.

[ ]Rinrin-desu created a fanart for our kaya! it's amazing and im so close to tears. so much talented, precious people r roaming this earth. the link is also in my profile if you want to go and check!

in case link doesn't work: https/rinrinn7./art/Kaya-Tsumei-745358169

———

 **A D H E R E N T S**

 **A N D**

 **I N C O G N I T O S**

The Kaya of eight years ago needed a mother.

One to pamper her, to cook and care for her, and everything that a mother essentially does to her child, and to imagine it being done to herself now, it felt odd... and misplaced. Kaya never knew how to cook, wash clothes, wash dishes, pay bills — and currently, if she were to be honest, it felt like she'd been living independent all her life. Independence was something she had gradually transitioned into for about between her two or three years of being liberated, and it was not easy. Kaya remembered how much food she burned, how much money she wasted and how much Yoake suffered under not being able to be managed over properly. There were times she didn't bathe and didn't use electricity just for the sake of not paying bills. Because she didn't know how and it scared her — was it shallow? (she didn't know). But she was a child not even of ten and her mind was fresh. There were just a lot of things in life she wasn't even remotely prepared to face, and suddenly they all fell into her lap.

And, Kaya noticed, when cooking her breakfast that morning — one she always have liked as a child — that her house was.. empty. Barren. Silent. Albeit not painfully so. It was comforting, in a way Kaya can't explain.

There was an air around her house that hazy dawn, one not enough to be called the essence of home but something one can consider domestic.

It made Kaya smile.

Slowly. Slowly, this house could one day be her home. But right now, her home was with Yoake.

\- - -

Clean counter. Shiny floor. Dusted shelves. Organized products. Complete tables.

That was the scene that greeted Kaya upon entering Yoake.

"Kaya! We just finished doing morning check-up!" Jinks hollered from the back, once hearing the chime, knowing it was their lilac haired boss. Kaya blinked tentatively at that claim, because none of her employees cleaned up this much.

"Looks more than a morning check up to me, Jin-san. What's rolling?"

"Nothing, really. We just wanted to take care of the store, yanno?"

Kaya didn't buy it, "That's... convenient."

"No, seriously," Jinks insisted, Yoru followed with a distinct shout of 'very seriously' which, well, was a sad attempt to lie.

" _Sure_."

Kaya dropped the store keys at the counter, still staring intently at the both of them, now in front of her. Yoru was, of course, fidgeting and whistling at the side. Jinks gave him a jab to the ribs with a hushed 'you ruin everything'.

"Fine," Jinks said, resigned, "It's just.. you seem like you need some rest, Kaya. Your complexion is paler than usual and me and this idiot is worried. Even Shizuka-san from across can tell."

Kaya seemed to see it coming, because if she was surprised by their conclusion, it didn't show, "I figured as much. It's just the cold, I assure you that Jinks-san, Yoru-san."

"How many times do we have to tell you that you should just call us Jinks and Yoru, though," Jinks rumbled under his breath, "I suppose. Is that why you're so.. layered? It's not even _that_ cold."

"I'm just a person who gets cold easily, no biggie. But hey, guys, this cleaning is good stuff! Maybe I should let you continue this for like, forever?"

"No fucking way," Jinks exclaimed as he headed for the staff room.

"Have fun dying from the _cold_ , Kaya-chan." Yoru followed, scrambling after his partner.

Kaya chuckled at the scene and, with trembling hands, lifted a lit cigarette to her lips. Smoke clouded her vision, and she sighed at the feeling. Her throat burned; the sensitivity scratched at her inner lungs, making Kaya feel alive. Much more so.

 _Pathetic,_ something inside Kaya said. _Stupid,_ it continued — _wretched, useless, coward_ — it whispered.

Kaya couldn't help but agree. A small, bitter laugh escaped her mouth until it exploded to a full blown cackle turned to anguish turned to whimpers turned to tears — then nothing was left of her but an ugly, pitiful sobbing mess.

And, Kaya realized, this was the cost of feeling alive.

\- - -

Somehow, Jinks and Yoru were right.

Kaya needed rest.

But she didn't know how to exactly get something she had tried so long to find. So, she set out to town. Perhaps, during this time of day, she'd consider visiting both Pogako and Katou to check on them at The Quill. If they were as stable as they looked, but Kaya figured they didn't need her intervention anymore. They can take care of themselves. And Pogako was anything but dense, so Kaya knew that he at least had an inkling of Katou's intentions, and that put her to comfort, of something unknown.

Kaya decided to visit her (once) favorite ice cream parlor, now it was just something casual. It was closest to Yoake, anyways, and they had tables outside in case the air-conditioning inside the parlor bothered her enough to go outside.

The ice cream parlor, surprisingly, did not have that much customers. From where Kaya stood, not that far from the actual shop to not hear the bustling noise and faint murmurs and distinct conversations from the small crowd, there was only a few inside the parlor and even fewer outside. Come to think of it, only two people were even outside. One, obnoxiously jumpy kid Kaya knew she had seen once or twice, and a figure so achingly familiar Kaya couldn't place exactly who it was until the person spoke.

"Mei," the woman had cooed, "do you want some ice cream?"

"Hm-mm! Meiko wants ice cream! Choco! Choco! Can we, please, mommy?"

"Of course, my angel," the woman — now Kaya established as her own mother — replied as she chuckled and smiled (smiled a smile Kaya never knew she had missed). It took all of Kaya to not just come over and ask why the hell she had abandoned her responsibilities. Her own fucking child just to run off to another.

Kaya nearly scoffed at the mention of 'my angel.'

 _"Mei, see that ice cream parlor? The ice cream looks delicious, doesn't it?"_

 _"Yep! I bet they make kickass strawberry ice cream!" Kaya beamed, flailing as she pointed at the frozen delicacy._

 _"Ah-ah, language, my angel," Missa had chastised gently, "I bet they really do."_

Kaya had hoped, after learning that her mother was still alive, that she would come back. That maybe, that little girl (her replacement, something so puny, so innocent, so untainted), had mentioned Kaya somehow... and maybe she might have felt guilty, because why would she _not_? Missa had left an eight-year-old on her fucking own, running off to some other man right after her husband died. Died in front of her, with her, and she hadn't even considered the child they both had. It made Kaya's blood boil, because she accepted that she couldn't come back to her that soon but what the _heck_? Her mother could still have shown some respect — some tact, some decorum — to her late husband. The father to the child Kaya doubted she even considered as her own. It was disrespectful and something Kaya would never, ever forgive her for. Reasons be damned.

A little bit of hope was all she was looking for, but that smile came and that small, flickering light of hope vanished.

At least, both of them were, slowly, moving on.

\- - -

"You look like shit," Katsuki commented, looking at Kaya's figure at Yoake's counter when early noon approached, "even more so than the other days, by the way."

"Thanks," Kaya replied drily, fixing the cap on her head and ushering Katsuki to the staff room. "Go change, sweet cheeks. Remember your part-time!"

"I regret ever fucking humoring you." Katsuki faintly grunted, disappearing inside the staff room.

Kaya didn't even notice that the sun had been fading from view. It seemed that hours had passed since she came back at the store, cutting her supposed 'rest' off. After all, who could rest after a sickeningly sweet show of two people on your shit list? Not her, sorry. Perhaps it was a bit cruel that an eight-year-old was on her shit list, but it wasn't like the kid would ever see it anyway.

When Katsuki emerged from the staff room, Kaya briefly thought about sharing the fact that her.. mother, was actually still alive. Katsuki was Kaya's confidant, of sorts. Though the blond would probably deny any relations concerning that, they both knew Kaya's words remained the facts, no matter the falsity it oozes.

Katsuki was, notably, a good listener. He'd probably jab a few indecent comments filled with profanities here and there, but nonetheless, he listened — and that was all that mattered. Kaya didn't know if he ever judged her for whatever she had said, but strangely, Kaya did not mind. Something inside her stirred whenever it was about Katsuki — maybe it was akin to blind trust, that Kaya believed in Katsuki enough. There was a pull towards him, if Kaya could put it as such, that he was something Kaya couldn't help but be drawn to.

Radiant and beautiful.

Perhaps, some would argue, that he wasn't as beautiful as Kaya had perceived — but she _just_ knew he was. There was something... incredible and _ethereal_ about his existence that it blew Kaya away.

Kaya found herself smiling, gazing at Katsuki for longer than she intended that the blond had begun to shout all profanities at her face just to shift her from her trance.

"— uck, I know I'm amazing and all that and— what the hell are you staring at?! No, a fucking stare isn't an answer, asshole— shit, are you _dead_?"

Kaya cackled at the display, "Calm your tits Katsuki-chan. You were just mesmerizing to look at."

Katsuki looked at her, not in oddity as she was sure he was used to it, but in faint amusement and annoyance, and grumbled a 'whatever' as he crossed his arms and clicked his tongue.

It was... a nice, calming sight, Kaya concluded, and she buried the foreign feeling rising up her chest.

She had a clue that that feeling was something really, really bad.

———

to GABRIELLE607's review, honestly? thank you so so much! it makes my heart warm that you enjoy this little thing i've got going on. i don't even know what's happening anymore but good lord, thank you and bless you!! i hope we go that far into the story to reach rescue bakugou arc and i can already see how kaya is going to react about our favorite blond bitch's absence. im ecstatic you find katsuki on character??? because goddamn, he's such a pain to write but i love him anyways. i try hard at creating the... sentimental scenes, for the lack of a better term, bec idk how katsuki will handle things like that or if he's even interested enough to put up with it. i don't mind the long review at all, sweetheart. love you!

to SLYKAT28's review, thank you v much!! im glad you found the last chapter satisfactory, and that you think im somehow this amazing writer, haha. im really very flattered? it was so nice of you! hugs!

 _again thank you all for favoriting, following and reviewing! i love you all!_


	22. regards and conclusions

**R E G A R D S**

 **A N D**

 **C O N C L U S I O N S**

Kaya was right where she wanted to be.

Yoake was flourishing. Pogako was slowly adjusting to the fact that Amira will most likely not come back again. Katou was finally given a chance for one of the few things that ever made him happy. Amira... Kaya knew not where she is, nor does she think she'll ever soon, but she hoped that she was in a good place. Amira's soul was far too good, too pure to be so easily tainted and if it ever would reach such a state then it would be devastating. For anyone that knew her — it would be _sickening_. (Poor, innocent Amira that couldn't even swear.) Kaya even felt bile rise up her throat for a moment, trapped in that particular thought.

Nonetheless, everything was mostly fine. Katsuki was, still, for some unknown reason working in a very limited part-time for Yoake. Weeks had passed, and as the hypocrite Kaya was, she reprimanded Katsuki lightly for always just eating instant ramen when visiting Yoake. Katsuki didn't visit everyday; but it was damn near always — and continuous intake of noodles would be detrimental to his health, so Kaya took it upon herself to give him other spicy (she made sure the flavor was a tad more hot than the usual spicy flavor, of course), products. So far, it was alright. Katsuki didn't like the abrupt change in his diet, but one reminder of Kaya's that he would not be in top shape for being the number one hero or that he'll have very slim chances in getting the title if he impaired his health for some noodles had him stopping. That made him reconsider, much to Kaya's amusement and pleasure.

Today would be Kaya's sixteenth birthday. It wasn't anything special, she usually sets up some promo for Yoake during the whole week, and maybe she was compensating for the fact that she never let the employees or her other considered friends (mainly regulars), to throw her a celebration with this. As always, she expected her birthday to just come and go, as the only thing that happened during the duration of that particular day would be warm greetings, a few presents from those who bothered enough and had some budget on them, then midnight would come and it's another day again.

And really — like she had of course presumed — the day was going normally. Regulars coming and dropping off a nice 'happy birthday' with jabs that she's still two years shy of legal age and should drop the smoking, but Kaya had closed ears on that specific topic, so it never really mattered, no matter how seriously one said it.

Kaya's wish for the year?

Ah, she'd really rather _not_.

"Kaya-chan!" Kaya rolled her eyes at the stupidly annoying voice, with a bland cheer to it that it was almost insulting, but it was one of the voices she had grew to love hearing.

"Too early for your bull, Katou-san."

Katou cocked an eyebrow to that, "I honestly don't know what you mean by _that_ , I would say it's almost insulting, but why _ever_?"

"Oh come off it, Tou-san. Where's my gift? Come on, gimme."

"Aw, Kaya-chan. You thought I bought _you_ a gift?"

"The past six years of you giving me a gift begs to differ, you know."

Katou sighed, "That line doesn't work now that you're all old,"

"Yuck, Katou-san. If anyone's old here it's you."

The blue-haired server masterfully dodged the insult, "Ah, right, because little Kaya-chan is still a brat after all."

Kaya was about ready to spell 'bullshit' when Katou cut her off with placing a neatly-wrapped box on the counter, almost sporting a genuine smile for a guy like him, dropping off a — "Happiest birthday, Kaya-chan. Take care." — before heading out the door, _gone as fast as he came_.

 _Always so elusive_ , Kaya muttered to herself as she tucked the green tinted wrapped gift below the counter, a satisfied simper surfacing on her face.

Kaya didn't want to take note of the unsaid 'goodbye' between his words.

\- - -

Pogako had also visited her that day, dropping off a simple gift. Shizuka, the lady from across, stopped by with her troublesome kids that littered sloppy toddler kisses over Kaya's face, saying it was their 'gift', Jinks and Yoru gave a joint present, not as neatly wrapped as Katou's and the others had been, and the only explanation for it was that Jinks let Yoru actually wrap the gift.

When the chime rang once again, Kaya expected it to be just another regular. Because it certainly wasn't the person she had thought was dead, buried six feed under not too long ago, carrying the same shade of lilac Kaya had. Not — not her.. ( _could Kaya even call Missa her Mother anymore_?)

"Tsumei," _no, no, don't_ talk— "You're doing... good, I hear."

And Kaya couldn't help the bitter statement escape her mouth, "No thanks to you."

Missa flinched.

"Meik— no, your.. your sister.. told me she saw someone like me near these parts, and I... I just knew it had to be you, that you already knew that—" _that I was alive, that I left you,_ "and I was too scared to come before you. I'm sorry, _I'm so sorry_. You didn't... you didn't deserve what I did to you. Not you, not.. not Hiroto."

A hollow, short laugh erupted from Kaya, shaking her head with tears almost prickling at th corner of her eyes but no — she would not dare show tears in front of this woman.

"I am not her sister," Kaya hissed, "and do not speak of his name again. _Please_. Not in front of me. Not from you. You, of all people."

"I know that."

Kaya saw the hardening of her.. relative's eyes while stating that. She had always been stern, from what Kaya recalled of her. The lack of grief in her posture, in her expression — it was almost mocking.

"I'm not going to be back in your life. I don't want to — you're not my only... daughter now. I have other responsibilities. We both know this. We both want this. We both accept this. Let's move on."

A sigh escaped Missa's lips as she headed for the door.

"Thank you for taking care of Yoake... _Mei._ I'll leave the rest of her to you."

And then, she too, was gone.

Again.

"You didn't need to ask," Kaya whispered faintly — to who now, she didn't know.

At least, in this way, they can both let go of loose ends.

And as time passed, Kaya took note of the unsaid 'happy birthday' Missa had intentionally left her.

\- - -

The lilac-haired teen store owner brushed her knuckles unconsciously as she puffed a smoke.

There — there it was again. The feeling, the rush the smoke brings. Not quite of ecstasy, not of pure bliss; it was more of a relief. Of the feeling of letting go and getting washed away, hoisted from where she lays as the wind takes her from place to place, the mist uncovering all that was ever hidden.

Kaya looked down at the cigarette between her fingers, smiling (and perhaps it was a little bit sad), because, one day, she knew she'll miss the rush it brings. Once it's gone.

But... not today.

"You look at that fucking stick like it's your lifeline."

Judging by the 'fucking stick', Kaya already had a guess on who this was.

"Ah, Katsuki-chan! Brought a gift for me?"

The blond scoffed, " _Haaah_? You wish."

"You wound me!"

"Stop being so dramatic, woman."

"Oh? Me? _Never_."

Kaya saw Katsuki rolling his eyes, heading for the staff room — but not before tossing a black square box at her direction.

"Huh. Congratulations on being fucking born, I guess."

Kaya blinked.

Well.

It wasn't like she was expecting a speech.

Kaya looked down at the black box at her hands, murmuring softly with a smile that felt so real it scared her, "Thank you, Katsuki-chan."

Yes; Just right here. This was where she wanted to be.

———

a / n ; the timeline following bnha's after this chapter... will most likely be disregarded. but certain points of katsuki's life not concerning yoake in anyway will still be highlighted. the next few chapters i have planned doesn't really butcher the timeline, no. just a matter of delaying — how does time even work there. and, it's been some days too after i updated, so here's.. something. idk what exactly took place in this chapter. don'tmurderme _is the characterization alright_ —

Tora3 : thank you for saying that! i have several reasons to believe katsuki's on ooc area, but that makes things somehow better, haha.

Guest : the prompt is very entertaining — i may separate an omake for it, maybe jabbing both kaya and katsuki near all those, but are you sure the review section is where you should put free for adoption prompts? but still, thanks!

Guest/LOL : thank??? you??? so??? mUCH??? aa, im glad you find it different from other genres in bnha ff, bec im just rly soft for things like this. it makes me giddy you liked katsuki's character here (because idk if i butchered him), todoroki's brief sneak, and kaya. kaya, most of all. and no no, i didn't take offense. i think i understand her character most of the time? i haven't really had time to breakdown certain points (:


	23. acumens and flaws

**A C U M E N S**

 **A N D**

 **F L A W S**

There was a reason behind everyone's names.

Kaya knew hers well.

The people who called her Kaya, they were most probably good friends, best, even; those who used Kaya-san would be those who liked it better formal — and Kaya-chan was for assholes like Katou and some of her employees. (Honestly, they say 'Kaya-chan' like it's some kind of _insult_.) And then, 'woman' was probably only for Katsuki. Throw in some other.. well, unpleasant words there too.

Mei — _Mei_ was for the past. It was a name long forgotten, a name Kaya didn't want to be remembered by. Much less even called by. And when.. and when that woman — her.. her mother — had uttered it (one last time), Kaya felt something in her shatter. Something was let loose, a feeling, an emotion, whatever it was, she didn't know. And she didn't want to.

Kaya never thought she would be able to hear that name fall from her lips again, after all. It made her laugh bitterly from all the irony; she had wanted her parents back once upon a time, didn't she? Well, it was only once – upon – a – _time_. Not anymore.

Was she selfish? Yes. Was she inconsiderate? Of course. Kaya didn't ask for Missa's explanation. Missa never offered. Kaya never wanted to know. She had a feeling it'll only put more strain in their situation; she couldn't exactly call it a relationship, considering now, and perhaps they were both at fault. Perhaps they were both selfish, inconsiderate people that understood each other too well that they didn't feel the need of having to know what they already do.

But what could she do? It's been done. It's funny how a mere name managed to ruin every reassurance Kaya made for herself all these years. She didn't want to think she was unwanted again — no, not ever — yet there she was; clinging to a hope she knew was far too lost and loose for her to keep.

 _Smile_ , Kaya said to herself that day, _smile, the weather's nice, see?_ Something to smile for, apparently. Scoffing, she puffed a smoke, disregarding the obvious hypocrisy she was doing to her 'no smoking' sign against Yoake's walls. But still — Kaya gathered her thoughts, ignoring the scratching of her throat — _Smile, little sunshine._

So she did. Kaya put on a nice, cordial smile and went on for the rest of the day.

The stretch was hard to mantain.

\- - -

Kaya found herself ditching store work more often than usual.

Normally, it would take an unhealthy amount of cigarettes and stupidly stubborn people for her to even consider getting out of Yoake and wandering off on her own. But now she felt the need to take breaks. To not haul herself up in the same place all afternoon. To feel what it was like being surrounded by the things she had so actively avoided before. Don't get her wrong, though, Yoake's still a safe place, a refuge and her definite home ( _always_ ), but sometimes it was always the same faces, the same voices, the same surroundings and it made her sick. Guilty and sad and abhorring.

The Quill looked the same. Everytime she comes by, it's still that shade of pink and it's comforting to see something steady. Something that Kaya's not so tired of seeing. But one day, she knows, she'll get tired of looking at the coffee shop, that one day she'll find it all too much.

But luckily for her, that day hasn't arrived yet.

Kaya entered the café, a sight of Katou serving customers with his usual fake, staged smile greeting her. It wasn't new, and thank God for that, but it looked much wearier. Kaya had spent too much time with the cobalt-haired man to not notice the slight changes of his mannerisms.

She'd question him about it later, because she noticed that Pogako was not in the area.

As she sat down, an all too familiar finger flicked her forehead. When she glanced up, Katou was there, staring her down and frowning, and she wondered how _the hell_ he managed to get to her table so quickly when he was just over another, like, seconds ago, "Ah-ah, Kaya-chan. Why are you here again instead of working?"

"I've got a better one. Why are you here giving bullshit smiles instead of flirting with Po-san?"

"It's part of my job description, and I, have to like, you know, work for a living. And I do _not_ flirt with Pogako, I'm too classy for that."

"You're too classy for anything, apparently, Tou-san."

" _Katou_."

Kaya thought the banter was fun, but, "Joking aside, though, where's Po-san? It's around lunch and he should be here, yanno?"

Katou wished he hadn't heard Kaya then. He took in a sharp breath, far too sharp, and spoke.

"... He told me he saw Amira. Yesterday."

Kaya blinked. Twice.

And the words felt like dread crawled up her skin.

"Where?"

Katou closed his eyes.

"A brothel."

A fucking brothel.

Kaya had outright gaped, that moment, when Katou had told her that — because... because it was _Amira_! Ami, who couldn't even stand the mention of sex and anything related to the private sections of a human's anatomy, at... at a _brothel_.

Why had everything gone so wrong too soon?

She wished she hadn't even asked.

\- - -

Kaya needed to sleep a day off.

Maybe it would make up for lost time, for everything that had happened. Maybe when she wakes up, everything's alright. Yoake's complete, Katou's fake smiles actually would seem real, ignoring the irony of it all, and Katsuki there to bright and spice everything up, quite literally.

Maybe she was a bit too naïve to think that.

"Why's it that whenever I come you're always looking like utter shit?"

See? _Bright and spice_ everything _up_ indeed.

"Utter shit is a matter of perspective. I think I look gorgeous."

"Your thoughts lie."

Kaya shrugged, "A lie is subjective."

Katsuki just grumbled, and when Kaya's hands went up her head to fumble with Yoake's cap, he caught something glinting and flinched.

"Why the fuck are you wearing that?"

Kaya looked confused, at first, but when she looked down her fingers and saw a simple charcoal ring on one of it, she smiled smugly, "Oh. Totally forgot that was even there. Whaddya mean? You gave this to me yesterday as a present and you're asking me why I'm wearing it? Also, the gift was really, really, sweet. Bonus pay for you!"

Katsuki nodded with a scrunched up expression that was so _confused_ as if he actually believed you should question why exactly a person is wearing what you gave them.

Kaya found it funny, because she just knew that he probably didn't even think about giving her a proper present and only took the easiest and smallest thing to wrap and finish. When she opened Katsuki's gift yesterday, after all, she didn't expect an ebony ring that was a little too big for her — but still fit her middle finger — so she knew it wasn't really made nor picked for her specifically, and seeing as it had a letter engraved on the inside of the ring that was definitely not her initials, that he just picked it up from home and tossed it in a box with a wrapper. Kaya appreciated the effort.

"I just found the ring scattered on our living room and it was taking too much damn space, anyway!"

"Of course. A ring not bigger than your hand took up too much space. Oh, the horror!"

"Shut the fuck up, woman."

Kaya cackled, "How'd you even know it was my birthday that day anyway?"

"I didn't — until that fucking poster outside this store told me they had this promo for the 'awesome owner's birthday today' —" Katsuki seemed like he actually rolled his eyes at this, "— shit poster, by the way."

"Ah, so you picked up the _first thing_ you found and gave it a half-decent wrap in such a hurry for little 'ol me? Aw, Katsuki-chan, you _do_ care!"

"Will you just shut up — I expect a goddamn raise for that ring!"

"A raise. A raise in my 'nice people' list. Sure."

"Anything that comes out of your mouth is shit."

Kaya knew that, of course!

"I know how you can pay me back!"

"Why am _I_ the one paying _you_ back, asshole?!"

But Kaya didn't hear his complaints that time, like every other time, really, and smiled — like she had figured something out and like everything would work out once this was done. Because maybe, just maybe, if he said that name it would... have another meaning, "Y'know I used to be called Mei or Sei when I was a kid. You just gotta say that for a raise!"

Katsuki looked extremely bemused, "As a _kid_? What the fuck are you now?"

"Well. A kid like a kid with... parents. Or something."

And they both suddenly felt uncomfortable with the conversation's sudden turn.

"Or something."

Kaya just nodded.

It seemed like she had a gift for making the easiest going conversations depressing.

"Mei," Katsuki suddenly spoke, but it didn't feel right, "Sei," he tried another and it felt all foreign on his tongue but not the good type; it was like telling her she was someone she wasn't and it felt so, so wrong, "They're all fucking weird."

Kaya, despite the nervous ticking of her chest, chuckled, "You tell me."

Katsuki closed his eyes and dipped his head slightly ( _and why was he even saying all this_?), "Kaya." yeah — that.. that felt right, didn't it? "I guess I like that better," he mumbles, though Kaya hears it, "Kaya." he repeated, like a whisper through a song and Kaya feels her heart drumming against her chest, her ribcage feels so much tighter and the breaths she took became so much heavier and everything — everything feels so, so right and she should be happy, she is, and it's great and Katsuki's so wonderful ( _so does she even deserve him_?) it feels like a dream, but please, please don't wake her up just yet.

Maybe some time after this feeling rides away free from her chest. Maybe that time she'll be able to let it go.

And Kaya wonders just how they ended up there.

"I think I'll stick with woman. Everything else's a fucking hassle. I expect my raise too, dipshit."

Kaya just smiled in response because she's still hung up with everything that just happened and she didn't _understand_.

The sudden wave of joy that surged through her that moment felt shallow but it felt just right. And how does that even make sense, after everything? After he had only uttered names long forgotten?

There was a reason behind everyone's names, after all.

And maybe Kaya really knows hers now.

Because the reason behind hers was that it spoke of everything that she is.

\- - -

 **a / n ;** brothel is a nicer? non-explicit? term for a whorehouse.ta-da~ what the fuck, right? hm, so there goes amira, then there goes kaya's confusion about everything i don't even know what she's supposed to feel or what i did, but hey! some development. i think? or maybe i'm just becoming a little too bold.

 _ALSO_ , forgot to say a couple times that i put up an aomine/oc fic i had here, some hxh oneshots and drabbles, if you want to check out something brief.

 _thank you all so much for favoriting and following!! extra for those who bothered writing down a review — like, you actually bothered to type something. shush, that's awesome!_


	24. violets and mortals

**V I O L E T S**

 **A N D**

 **M O R T A L S**

When Kaya had started to run Yoake as her own, she told herself that she would become someone better for it.

Yoake represented her dreams. Something that was left behind and wanted to rebuild itself from the ruins it was abandoned in. They've been let down once, clinging to false hope for years until they decided to give up. Someone had to collect the pieces and find them where they lay.

Kaya made Yoake an orphanage of her dreams, wherein hopefully they could bloom once again under a different sun, a different sky, and a different meaning of hope.

Because Kaya knew, in the state she was in, that she couldn't fulfill the fantasies her younger self kept on building day after day after day – on a silent prayer to the shooting stars, she once told herself – because what else could it be?

How could she allow something like her dreams rely on her to be accomplished when she relied on a piece of stick that she kept allowing to control her life?

Smoke was never good for flowers. And maybe that's why Kaya's like this. A wilting violet in a shallow flower pot, only being watered once in a while when it rains. Sometimes she's afraid that the flowers will catch a fire, because she swore, one day, that she heard whistling cracks from a distance. There were days where she sat alone hoping she wouldn't come running into the fire once it catches in the middle of the rain, no matter how absurd it may have sounded at those times.

Then a day came when she was ten, that she realized the cracks she heard weren't the cracklings of a starting fire but a break – a tear, an opening – on her shallow flower pot.

Kaya wanted flowers to bloom under the hidden, whistling cracks she once heard when the sky poured. But they wouldn't. They didn't. Even now, being sixteen, she hasn't stopped hoping that the garden she built through the years in her lungs would grow genuine violets from a fire and not from the smoke it only left behind.

Things never made sense, all throughout her musings, but Kaya didn't mind. They were, after all, fantasies. Fantasies Kaya told herself at nights because no one was there anymore to read her a story to bed.

And the thing about fantasies were they didn't — couldn't — really, truly, exist.

Yet she remembered inhaling something like scorching fire, telling herself that it was only a fantasy, but if it was, _why did it feel so real_? Why did it feel like she was burning? Why was the pain there, when it surely shouldn't have been?

Oh, but the feeling was already there. It was something that couldn't be erased, even when she hugged the pilllows a bit _closer_ at nights and covered her whole body with blankets a little bit _tighter_ (not even when she slept with the lights _on_.)

Until she just found herself in need of the feeling of being scorched, torn apart but rebuilt, though not the same as before — never the same as before.

So instead, she just held the fire of the cigarette a little bit closer, a little bit tighter. But now the lights were off so she could perfectly see the embers.

Not every one of them was beautiful.

\- - -

One morning, Katou went to Yoake for the first time in a few days.

He asked for Pogako.

"He's not here, Katou-san."

Katou kept going back, the same time, the same place, asking the same question.

And Kaya would give the same answer as before.

Until, of course, she didn't want to anymore.

"Katou-san, aren't you being too desperate?"

And Katou laughed lowly, "Am I?"

"You're not the reason he left."

Katou nodded, because he _knew_ that. He knew that the moment Pogako stepped out the door to look for someone more important that him at that moment.

"Of course. He left because of Amira." croaked Katou, his voice not quite breaking.

But Kaya knew what she heard; and if it didn't break the man before her, then it broke herself.

"I'm so sorry, Katou-san. I didn't know he'd do that or this would happen —"

"Not your fault, Kaya-chan."

"It kind of is, you know. You two got along after I sent him to The Quill so well and you looked much, _much_ happier that I couldn't — wouldn't — believe that it's going to go wrong and —"

"Kaya-chan, please," pleaded Katou, "we both knew this would have happened."

"What do you mean?"

— a bittersweet smile.

"That to Pogako, if it's not Amira, then it's no one at all. It's.. her or nothing."

Kaya understood.

\- - -

"Hey, Katsuki-chan. I finally decided to give you a raise!"

The spiky blond rose an eyebrow, "Bullshit. We both know I barely even work."

"It's the least I could give for you just being here."

"Why wouldn't I be here?"

"You don't have to be, really," Kaya muttered under her breath, a bitter chuckle erupting from her lips.

"Hey, Katsuki-chan. You think people can be utter, complete idiots sometimes when it comes to people they care about?"

Katsuki peered at her from his food with a gaze not enough to be called solemn but enough to calm her down.

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Why the fuck not?"

"Well, that's very helpful. Thanks a lot." Kaya said in a deadpan.

And Katsuki rolled his eyes to the heavens, the drama queen that he was, and stomped off to a corner with something spicy muttering about 'women' and their 'emotions'.

That's where Kaya had a chance to observe Katsuki. Wanting to actually figure out the reason for the feeling she had buried days ago, for it kept surfacing time and time again.

Kaya would not label Katsuki as a person who was misunderstood. He was all of the person he was on the surface. A brash, loud, passionate person even with his mephitic and vain attitude that didn't serve anyone any good — nothing of that bravado was false. It was him, and it was all that made Katsuki himself. But he was deeper than Kaya, a shallow flower pot that she is — he was nothing like her wilting violets.

Katsuki could build a perpetual valley of roses and tulips and sunflowers and snapdragons if he really wanted to. Because Katsuki was a person who was genuinely changing and unveiling, blinding mortals with his radiance in the process.

Mortals like Kaya.

And Kaya stopped herself from grinning brightly, because she couldn't help but compare the both of them from Hades and Persephone. That maybe Kaya was Hades and coerced something so beautiful as Persephone to come down with him, somewhere she didn't know where it truly leads. Although neither of them were mortals in that line of thinking, Kaya thought herself as inferior to something so incredible. Because Kaya can't still comprehend how Katsuki could have stayed all this time.

And perhaps Kaya was having an inkling now of what this feeling is, but she would be a fool to admit it too soon.

She'd let him carry them there.

She trusted Katsuki enough to know that he will. Unknowingly or not.

"Could you quit staring at me with that horrid smile on your face, woman?"

"Not yet, Katsuki-chan."

"I should sue you for this."

"Oh, really?"

"Fucking really."

Kaya just cackled.

And Katsuki just cursed.

Maybe Kaya wasn't strong enough to carry her dreams alone, but her heart was getting stronger. Their hearts were getting stronger. And the best part is they don't have to wonder if it's enough.

— — —

 **a / n ;** im so sorry for not updating sooner and coming back with something so lackluster. cry me a river, lovelies, im suffering w schoolworks and that's all i had going on to fuel this chapter to life. i do hope you enjoy picking up some vague hints, if you live on that. (because i do). keep safe and happy, people of this earth! have a good day, read something depressing, drink coffee, or coke, or water, or whatever so, then go to sleep at four in the morning. it's a nice habit if u want to go die soon. take it from me.

cleverlu: thank you for reviewing again!! aw you're so sweet, i don't know why u even like this so much but im very very grateful to you. thanks, sunshine! it means a lot you think so much of this. im sobbing!1!1!1!1!1!!1!

Sarah Lazenski : thank youuuu for that review and view on _at a standstill_! i appreciate it very much, esp bec you thought kaya was an okayish character. ah, my baby gets love.

and to answer your question(?) why _aas_ isn't exactly all that known, maybe it's because i tend to write in lesser word counts, depending on the story's genre and flow, and since _aas_ is more of a... storytelling of a life, an anecdote of two people's lives together, maybe, i decided lesser word counts would be comfortable. also, maybe the fact that the overall plot comes off as boring to other bnha/mha fans because it lacks flashy action scenes and suspense, which they all like. i'm more of a lighter person on terms of it, with specks of dark themes underlying them. and this is getting too long. thanks for reviewing again!

 _thank you again everyone for reading, favoriting/following, reviewing too, of course! thanks for allowing me to share this to you all._


	25. keystones and downfalls

**K E Y S T O N E S**

 **A N D**

 **D O W N F A L L S**

We all needed anchors.

Something — someone, to keep us on the surface. To make sure we're not already drowning, and one day they become our salvation. Accidentally, they become the most significant reason why we want to stay above the waters and not get carried away by the tides we had wished for so _long_ to hoist us away.

If we didn't have them keeping us on our feet, then we may have already become lost with all the dust that gathered on our feet without a way of going back, without seeing the footprints imprinted on each of our souls and we become irredeemable.

But of course we wonder if they're enough. Because anchors were strong. They had to hold on to you when all you wanted to was to be anywhere but atop the raging seas. They had to suffice, so we can't sink beneath pools of our own traitorous thoughts and unfaithful prayers. Though we find ourselves knowing that they don't have to be enough; because even if they weren't, _we_ make them enough. We become the anchors of our anchors — as people who held on to each other with empty promises and white lies.

They calm the beehives on our besotted blue riverbeds which never seems to subside, halt the onslaught of hollyhock fantasies inside our minds; remaking them into something new, something they thought of as worthy for those like the broken and barren us.

Yet we were worthy of nothing.

Kaya knew that.

She knew that more than anyone.

She knows that even when she already found her anchor she couldn't bear to hold on for too long. Kaya had to let go because her anchor needs to know she's not worth it anymore. Maybe, in another life, she would be. Maybe she wouldn't be the tainted person she was now. But she isn't — she will never, ever be, because she didn't want to be. Kaya didn't want to pretend that she was worth all of it. It made her heart constrict, knowing that she let down a lot of people by just being who she was now.

Kaya had enough of trying, and perhaps it was selfish of her, so _so_ unbelievably selfish that it's sickening. The blame was all on hers and hers alone. No one had to share the burden along with her, as it would be illogical to do so.

Kaya needed to let go.

Kaya needed to be her own anchor.

(But she couldn't.)

In this way, she can rest with the thought that she finally became enough for herself.

\- - -

Kaya peeked outside to see a cloudless sky.

She's grateful for it, because she didn't like it when it rained.

If it was raining, then she'd be forced to face every glooming cloud she's cast aside for the past few days. She has to admit to herself what she felt — and doesn't that just sound _awful_?

Yes, it sounds positively awful, indeed.

Kaya lifted a hand to light up her cigarette, letting out a brief weak cough in the process which was quickly smothered by another hand. Slowly, Kaya feels, the feeling the smoke gives was worsening. It still burned and sloshed and scratched at the inner parts of her lungs — but now it also rid her of air. It suffocated and it hurts. But with pain comes pleasure and it's the only thing Kaya had going on for her. It's the only thing she repeats over and over to reassure the sinking feeling seeping through the walls of her mind that told her to stop.

A shadow of the person she was before. That was all Kaya was now.

A soft chime called out to Kaya, and with it entered a blue-haired regular Kaya has been seeing for quite some time now, which she knows she shouldn't, considering he had a job. And maybe Kaya was seeing him too much these days for it to be normal.

"Katou-san," greeted Kaya with a mocking curtsey, to where Katou flicked her forehead, "Son of a bitch, that hurt."

"It was my intention," Katou replied, smiling a smile that Kaya knew wasn't supposed to be there at all.

"Can you not smile with your teeth, Tou-san? It's creepy as hell."

"That's why I do it," dismissed Katou with a wave, "and it's Katou."

"Yeah, sure, and why exactly are you here again?"

Katou looked vaguely affronted, though Kaya knew it was too playful to be taken seriously, "What? I can't visit my favorite convenience store anymore?"

"You only say that because The Quill is a coffee shop and not a convenience store."

Katou didn't even try to deny it.

So Kaya took his moment of silence to her advantage, "You dodged my question, I see. Why?"

Katou now smiled a smile Kaya knew was supposed to be there after all, "I'm hoping he comes back."

And even though it hurt a bit, that Katou admitted that he only visited Yoake now for Pogako's awaited return, and that he wasn't there for the place itself or even her, Kaya couldn't help but smile back. If it was a little bit fake, it didn't matter. If the smile was a little bit sad, a little bit angry, a little bit forced, it _didn't_ matter. Because right now it was the only thing they are capable of.

"You know he won't. Not soon, that is."

But Katou didn't waver, "I can manage."

Kaya didn't as well, "You've been waiting for long enough. Don't you think you should stop?"

"If I stopped now, then I would never be deserving of a person like him."

"A person like who? A person who abandoned you for what, a lost cause?"

Katou pursed his lips that moment, "You do know you're talking about Pogako and Amira right now, don't you, Kaya-chan?"

And even though Kaya knew that, knew that she was focusing on the negative things about the people she once considered family, she couldn't help the churn of her stomach as it got flooded with impending guilt. But Kaya forced it down. She forced the guilt down — she _forced_ the feeling down, because it was these kinds of feelings that always lead to disastrous situations.

"I do. Believe me — I do. But it's not right."

Katou, despite everything Kaya's said, still managed to look at her with solemn eyes, "In this world, nothing's ever right. We just learn to accept it," He ruffled Kaya's locks, "Maybe you just need something to hold on to, Kaya-chan. An anchor, so you can believe."

And Katou left that moment, for the first time in a while without having a can of soda by the tips of his hands.

\- - -

Kaya looked up to see a sky full of clouds, that afternoon.

And then it rained.

And she remembered why she didn't like a downpour.

It was because when it rained, she had to put down the cigar. She had to put out the fire because if she didn't, she had to watch as the rain washes the flame away right before her eyes and with all the spark gone, what's going to light her rose colored lungs up? What's left to warm the her shivering cold hands beneath the susurrus of the night?

Nothing, like the void space of her worth.

 _An anchor, so you can believe._

But Katou's got it all wrong — she already has one. She already considered someone her anchor. The person who wasn't supposed to let go.

And Kaya always wondered why he still hasn't.

It must be the spicy foods, Kaya thinks, and she laughed a laugh that was the closest to something even remotely genuine for a long time.

"Why is there no Extra Hot ramen in this damned stand?"

Kaya sighed and chuckled, "I told you you should lay off the noodles, Katsuki-chan. They're very, very bad for your health, hm?"

Katsuki sniffed, "Says the hypocrite with all her smoking."

"Ah — well. I don't have a smashing comeback to that, so points for you, but that was rude. Rude as hell, and I was terribly, terribly offended — "

"You don't look the least fucking offended, shove it."

"Of course I don't, what do you take me for? I'm the pioneer of unhealthy living."

"You say that like it's a good thing."

"It's not. I know."

"But you still do it."

"I have to."

Katsuki pinned her with a gaze, "No. You don't."

Kaya looked away, "I know."

Heavy silence lingers for a minute, before the lilac-haired store owner broke it with a sigh.

"You didn't have to rub it in my face, you know."

Katsuki scoffed, "You wouldn't have gotten anything close to subtle inside that brain of yours, woman."

"I'm flattered."

"It wasn't supposed to be a fucking compliment."

Kaya only cackled.

And Katsuki only cursed.

"Can I see your hand, Katsuki-chan?"

With an eyebrow raised, the blond skeptically held out his hand. Kaya held on to it.

"I'm not good at this, as you say. So I'm just going to.. to.. I don't know. Wing it."

"I have no idea what in the world you're taking about, woman. "

"Can you.. can you hold on to me, like this, I suppose—" Kaya breathed in, "Can you hold on to me, at times when I really, really, want to let everything go?"

Katsuki was silent for a while.

For a moment, Kaya could hear the wind howl and the rain cry. She could hear the leaves rustle and the clouds sigh.

But what stood out most of all was the voice of Katsuki's red-eyed gaze; they brewed something inside of them — a storm, most likely — because that was everything he was. He took everything by storm. He was the centerfold of the seasons. The unyielding figure in the spotlight.

And, for a moment, Kaya thought he would leave.

Kaya thought he would realize how everything was never really worth his time and himself.

His incredible, brilliant, _beautiful_ self.

"You're really like a kid in kindergarten." Came the awaited answer, and Kaya couldn't have it any other way.

"You've told me that once."

"I know," he scoffed, "and I have the same response as before."

Kaya's heart leapt up to her throat along with the feeling she always casts aside, "And that is?"

"Yeah," Katsuki breathed out, "I would. And that's because I can. You need someone to look out for your ridiculous fucking self once in a while, idiot."

And Kaya beamed.

 _Smile_ , something inside her whispered, _Smile, the weather's nice, see?_ Now something to really smile for, apparently.

"You'll make a great hero, Katsuki-chan."

Kaya felt the clouds part as the blond grinned up at her, with an expression so radiant it was too blinding to look at, "Of course. Don't doubt it."

 _She doesn't. She never does when it comes to him._

With an anchor like him, she doesn't know if she'll ever sink.

The same way she doesn't know how she deserved this.

———

 **a / n !!!**

— this... omygod.. this is Shit with capital S. i'm in exam week, and i'm updating. what. am. i. doing. yeah, i'm stressed to the heavens, so you can perfectly see why this update can blind the already blind two times.


	26. allusives and esoterics

**A L L U S I V E S**

 **A N D**

 **E S O T E R I C S**

Despite Kaya's best efforts, she couldn't make everyone happy.

Although maybe she had, for a little while, but that was it. What was temporary happiness after all in a world where everything is already unchangingly ephemeral? Kaya was in no shape of making sure the people around her were such, as she herself was never able to achieve a feat as unreachable as.. _happiness_. Happiness in its true glory — was something no one ever understood. Maybe they thought they felt it, but thoughts are fickle and often just white lies adorned with fantasies both old and new.

Kaya did a good job of ensuring a screwed up future for all involved with her, that was for sure. Just look at the people who surrounded her before now. Look at what they've become; souls with nowhere to go so they just wander. She began to think of it as a curse, of some sort, but that would have been absurd. Kaya was imaginative, but in no way delusional. If there was even such a curse, then it would take form as her. She _was_ and _is_ the root of all the tragedies — or perhaps if the word was not to be used lightly — the problems. She may be a bit pretentious and conceited by assuming so, but at the end of the day it was all in her head and nowehere else.

No one had to know what she was actually thinking of.

And that was what made the concept of minds appealing to someone who had so much to hide.

Because it was hard to obscure your feelings. It was hard, in some way, to completely make it seem like it didn't bother you when 'shit hits the fan' as Kaya would have put it. Honestly, it was a good analogy, (or was it metaphor? Kaya wasn't even sure) and explained as much as it didn't. And yes, of course, from the poetic gods and guide above, that didn't make sense – at all, really. It also hurt, the feeling of your heart constricting tightly between the walls of your chest, your heartstrings pulled in all the _wrong_ ways: all so that you could hide an emotion wanting to be let go.

And it hurts as much knowing you failed holding on to those emotions.

Kaya hoped, like she always did, that her efforts paid off in the last moment. To where butterflies would not just fly by their sides on a written script and setting, to where candles are lit and the rose petals are scattered all over the floor for God knows who to clean, to where the food wasn't just convenience store instant ramen almost every single day and to where the smoke didn't follow Kaya to remind her she didn't really deserve it. To.. to where a fantasy is, as much as it can be anyway — _real._

And yes, it's farfetched, it's a tale too distant to fulfill but not a tale too tall not to tell.

Sometimes it just takes a bit of believing. A bit of knowing. A bit of learning. A bit of accepting. Just a few of the little things. A meager, a drop, a trickle.

Until all her efforts lead up to the one that matters.

Not to where everyone was happy, no — but to where everything was right.

\- - -

Katsuki visited early that day.

Usually, he'd drop by on afternoons, still barring his UA uniform. Though sometimes he changed before he came, wearing a foliate jacket with a white top underneath, military patterned pants and a pair of boots to match the said outfit. Kaya told him once, or maybe twice, yeah, that he was overdressed for a convenience store setting. But the blond only told her that he was in no way overdressed, he just told Kaya she didn't have any fashion taste, especially the Yoake cap she apparently designed. It wasn't much of a puzzle that he disliked (though it's an understatement) the cap as he literally blew it to smithereens, so it wasn't much of a surprise, but Kaya gave an indignant act nonetheless. It seemed amusing at that time.

"Can you do your job?"

"No."

Kaya shrugged, "I figured. You came by real early, so."

"I have some business this noon for jackshit, knew I couldn't come by and spout insults at your face then."

"It's disturbing how I am both touched and offended by that sentence, Katsuki-chan."

Katsuki scrunched up his nose and looked at Kaya incredulously with a scoff, "Are you fucking kidding me? You're offended by everything, woman!"

Well that was rude, "Ah! I'm drawing the line there! I am completely not _that_. Ever."

Katsuki rose a perfectly shaped brow (damn him and his pretty, structured face), "You're even offended by the wind chimes at this store. Or at the dirt on the soles of your shoes."

Well that was... true, Kaya thought, distinctly remembering how irritable she was to the wind chimes at Yoake, "That— well, that... that was a mistake. How do you even know _that_? It's.. what. Isn't it illegal to expose someone like this?"

"Really," Katsuki deadpanned, "You glare at those chimes _everyday_."

"Yeah nope," Kaya popped the 'p', "Not everyday. I'm not here everyday, so you're overruled."

"That's not the fucking point!"

"What? Is it my fault I'm sensitive to anything and everything?"

"Mostly," Katsuki scoffed, "But you're hopelessly okay that way."

"Is.. is that asshole-speak for 'you're fine actually and you're awesome and I wanna marry you or name my child after you'?"

"I would never name my child after your obnoxious existence."

"But you would marry me? Aw, that's so sweet! We can't have a Kaya Jr.?"

" _No_."

"Yep, I can totally see you're avoiding the marriage topic sweetheart, but ya see we already have a ring?"

"Choke on that ring."

"Kinky."

Katsuki sputtered, but replied _eloquently_ nonetheless, "Bullshit."

"It's not that bad to have me for the rest of your life, yanno. I'm so dreamy."

Katsuki rolled his eyes, "Suit yourself. At least tell me you can fucking cook, woman."

"Of course I can, what do you even mea—" and just then did the words register, "holy _fuck_ did you just—"

"Fuck no."

And Kaya cackled at the expense of Katsuki until noon, where he fled with a sour expression as always — but Kaya was getting used to that. And it was an expression she knew was going to grow on her until it becomes a thing that would eventually hurt when it goes like everything else.

And perhaps that was true, because after that noon, Katsuki didn't return to Yoake for three days.

\- - -

Kaya sat alone at The Quill, observing Katou as he served the other customers with a strained but staged smile. They didn't notice it as much as she did, but of course Kaya knew they wouldn't. They didn't know Katou like she did.

She was there because Amira contacted Katou.

Amira found Pogako, all that time, and they wanted to have a civilized conversation between one another. To why they needed Katou for it, Kaya didn't know why. It wasn't like they were ever _that_ concerned of his feelings when they just minded each other.

It was bitter and sickening, unfit for her.

But perhaps it was because of Katsuki.

Kaya didn't want to think about it too much.

Katsuki, after all, didn't come by regularly. Sometimes he misses a day. And.. and that was it. Only a day. No in betweens. And if the events of his last visit was any indication, arriving early, the way he tolerated Kaya's bullshit more so than usual, it was all off. The scowl was off, the gaze was off, the setting was off (but the feeling wasn't).

But Kaya.. Kaya didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to imagine the spike of those blond locks gone. No not those — _never_ those. Not the piercing dark red of his eyes, not his offensive fashion sense, not his gruff laughs, not his voice, not his warmth, not.. not him.

It wasn't gone if she could still feel it. He wasn't gone if she could still feel him. It was alright. He'll come back tomorrow, won't he? Come by with that trademark scowl of his and insulting Kaya before he even fully entered the store.

He had to come back.

Because he promised he could be her anchor.

That he _can_.

So Kaya will believe.

She had to.

They had to.

"Kaya-chan?" A soft, feminine and familiar voice called out amidst Kaya's musings.

Kaya wasn't that surprised to see Amira standing there. She didn't know if she smiled out of relief that she wasn't as gone as she thought she was, or if it was out of sadness that Amira changed so much.

"Ami," Kaya returned the greetings, "You look worse."

"On the contrary, the people at the brothel might disagree with you."

Kaya was unable to hide her flinch from Amira, and when the soft-spoken girl only smiled sadly at the sight, Kaya felt even more guilty.

"I can't stop doing this job, Kaya-chan. I'm sorry. I can't go back to Yoake anymore."

"I have a flexible moral compass, so your job is fixed. It's alright — it's.. it's fine. But why can't you come back?" _And what if_ he _can't anymore too?_

"Kaya-chan, I'm not going back to Yoake. I need the money I get from this."

"Ami, you're alone — fending for yourself only."

Amira smiled, "I.. I have a kid."

"A — a kid? That's impossible. I never saw you pregnant."

"I had him three years ago. My brother used to take care of him.. and.. and now he's gone and I need the money. I'm so sorry. Please tell Katou that I truly am sorry. I know I told him I wanted to talk to him but I can't. Please. I don't deserve Pogako. I _don't_."

"It's alright. It's fine, fine... I'll.. I'll tell him, sure." _No, no you can't._

"As a last gift, for everything you've given me," Kaya felt her heart break, "His name is _Yoake_. Ikuto Yoake."

And Kaya cried.

"That's cheesy as hell, I'm... I'm.." Kaya bit back a sob, "Thank you."

"No. Thank you. It has been a really great pleasure. A nice, good journey with you all, yeah, Kaya-chan?"

".. Yeah."

Amira smiled, this time unreadable, but something in it told Kaya something was breaking, "I'll be going now."

And then she was gone.

Leaving Kaya wondering why all the people who left so much behind never really said goodbye.


	27. fables and trails

**F A B L E S**

 **A N D**

 **T R A I L S**

Some stories had rough beginnings.

They don't always go smooth, to where the main character gets the spotlight by introducing themselves without much to worry about as they go on with their everyday normal lives merrily, like Christmas on Sunday.

Sometimes it goes like this: it's a day, far from normal yet not inside the borders of abnormality. Something not quite common, but not too unorthodox. It's... a day you always see, but never took note of. Like the ships on the coast when they don't belong. They're bourgeois — habitual, something you're used to having around, but you don't know what makes them special. What makes them out of the norm. Maybe the ship was considered contraband, carrying various illicit devices. But you wouldn't know that; because you didn't care enough. Or maybe, because you didn't want to care. Either way, it stems from our perspective. Perhaps curiosity suits it better, or the natural pursuit of knowledge.

Kaya liked to think that all stories were like that. 'Far from normal yet not inside the borders of abnormality'. We see people everyday, we see them moving. We see them living a little, and then we turn away. Because we don't know them, and there's no reason for an endeavor to linger towards them. But in reading, hearing, knowing a story.. it makes you see more than what you already saw. Now you can't look at the people involved in the story normally. Now you'll see them as someone else. You've uncovered something about them, and perhaps that makes them a little bit not normal now, but you don't really know them enough to say they're deviant. And you'll never know them truly, not even when you're best friends, soulmates, or any other sentimental relationship.

You're you, they're them. You have different stories.

It will always stay like that.

So Kaya doesn't know what to do. She's aware of the fact that she doesn't understand most of the things connected to Katou, much less Pogako or Amira. Even lesser, Katsuki. But she wanted to understand, wanted to care, wanted to know. Kaya doesn't want to look at them stiffly like they're the same with the ships on the coast. Because they belong, don't they?

(Kaya wanted to belong too.)

The wind picks up.

Kaya sighs.

( _But not like this_.)

The cigarette almost falls from Kaya's fingers, and the embers fade against Kaya's fingertips, not without leaving a slight sting or a slight burn. The smoke goes sidewards, obscuring what was left of Kaya's view on her right eye. She puffs a bit more, coughing briefly at the end. Her lungs cave in and her throat burns. The smoke goes upwards this time, and Kaya was finally able to see the moon. She didn't know why, but it's red tonight. Like the color of fresh blood with the shadows of the same liquid when dried. It's fascinating to see. Kaya may be imagining the moon's colour, maybe not. But what difference does it make in their story?

Nothing.

\- - -

Katsuki still wasn't back.

Kaya wanted to ask why, but then she realized it was a bit out of place. For reasons she cannot identify, it doesn't seem right to be asking him ' _why_?'.

(It seems more fitting if what she asked would be, ' _did you finally realize_?' that perhaps you never did belong here. That our stories were way too different, and mine had no hope of changing. But yours? Yours was salvageable. It was more than that, really; your story was meant to be saved. Meant to be shown and meant to be told. Perhaps I was only meant to be a snippet in your tale. Not a turning point. Just a stop that momentarily kept you on your toes. Not a side character, not a main, but I was just there. I would always be — only forgotten as you keep on planting yourself in history. As you leave your roots, I'll be there. Watering them everyday so your roots will keep following you until whatever you've built is done. So that you wouldn't crumble from the inside, from the gnawing of your throat like it always did mine. I'll make sure you're remembered.

Because you paved the way for my story to change, even just a little.)

If only when he comes back, she could tell him all of that.

Kaya knew she wouldn't be able to.

He'd probably only tell her she was being too much of a sap, anyway, and blow up her Yoake cap.

Kaya laughed at that; because, _really_ — the red-eyed spiky blond would definitely do that.

Kaya shivers, for a bit, and she's thankful that she always had this uncanny aptitude to warm herself up. She feels the cold, sometimes, when she doesn't use it, or when she purposefully welcomes it. Because the cold, somewhat, makes Kaya feel a little more alive than warmth. With her cigarettes and natural capability to be warm, the heat gets a little too tiring. She's used to it now, to the point where she craves the cold. But when the cold gets too much, it's unnerving. Like one second you're alive and the next you're colder than a corpse. Kaya would call the feeling surreal.

She doesn't know if she's thankful that Katou came that night.

Although she knows that she's relieved.

"Did Amira talk to you yesterday?"

Kaya placed her cigarette on the ashtray, "Yeah."

"She didn't.. talk to me." It came out more of a question than a statement.

So Kaya answered, "She said she couldn't."

Katou didn't try to hold off the bitter remark, "Still a coward, after all this time she's spent away. I thought she would have grown a backbone after the job she took on. Doesn't being a prostitute require some lack of decorum?"

Kaya bit her lip to stop the flinch.

"You speak of Ami's job so lightly, Katou-san," she started, "She told me that she can't come back to Yoake anymore. That she's got a kid now, and he's.. he's already three. She said she doesn't deserve Po-san. She said she's sorry."

"And that's it?"

"That's all I remember."

"Ah. Did you want to forget?"

"Not really," Kaya put the cigar back between her lips to puff a smoke, "Well, scratch that. I guess I did. What she said.. I don't know if it resolved things or if it complicated them more."

"Why would it complicate things?" Katou asked.

"Because she just said that she doesn't deserve Po-san. She didn't say anything about not wanting him, too."

"So you think they're together?"

"Why wouldn't they be?"

Katou held up a can of soda and waved it in front of Kaya's face, "Nice talk, Kaya-chan. I'm getting this for free because I'm heartbroken, okay?"

If Katou wasn't by the door by now, Kaya would have smacked him, "Stop using your feelings as yen, Tou-san."

"Eh. It's my feelings. I'll use it the way I want to," he pushed Yoake's door slightly as he shrugged, "Thanks, Kaya-chan."

The chime tingled as he left.

Kaya hated the sound.

\- - -

When the owner of Yoake's lot came by with a companion, Kaya expected that he would only collect the monthly fees.

Although paying for the property fee monthly was a hassle, it was the only way to keep Yoake standing. But when he told her he wasn't there to do that but to do something else entirely, she wished, _with every soul of her being_ , that he was there instead to just collect.

"Kijiko-san, _please_. You can't be serious."

The owner of the lot, dubbed Kijiko, sighed, "Kaya, I'm afraid I can't adhere to your wishes right now. You see, our client here, Yuuhei-san," Kijiko gestured to the man beside him, "wanted this lot specifically, since it's closer to their other branch and they've already bought the buildings beside yours."

"Yoake's all I have left. What am I going to do if you're going to sell the store?"

"I don't know. Technically, the store is my property, since it's under my lot. It's in the contract your parents signed years ago. It's only as if you're overseeing what I own."

"And? That means what? That Yoake's yours in paper? And _you_ can sell it and I have no say in this?"

"Generally, yes. Although, the client, Yuuhei-san, wanted to give you another option."

"I doubt it's anything connected to sustaining Yoake."

Kijiko ignored the comment and continued, "He's the owner of many clinics, you see, and he's tearing this building down so he knows who's currently occupying it," Kijiko paused, "he said that since after this you're stripped off your business, he can offer you a side-job. Enough to fend for your everyday needs. Though you need to move to another city."

"What am I going to do in a clinic? I'm not even properly educated!"

"You'll have to take that up to Yuuhei-san here."

Both of them spared the client, Yuuhei, a look. He was clad in a laboratory coat that wasn't too exceedingly formal, and his deep jet black hair was styled in a tidy manner all while he kept a genial smile on his face.

"You're young, Kaya-san, and we can help you learn some things here and there. You will only assist there, if you accept this offer. A secretary, or maybe a consultant. We're a clinic and not a hospital. I'm a psychiatrist and not a doctor. We need someone who can be taught. The job is fairly easy. And I can make sure that the salary will suffice."

Kaya wanted to say no.

Because Yoake wasn't just her 'business'. It wasn't just a piece of property that she looked over. It was.. a guide, in her life, a constant. It was something she knew will never change and will never go because it wasn't.. it wasn't a person. It doesn't leave.

It shouldn't.

But it had Kaya thinking.

That maybe this was a good thing. That maybe getting out of this place and getting a new environment would do her some good.

(She looked down at the cigarette trapped between her fingers.)

That maybe somewhere out of here, she can properly breathe and let go.

"Alright."

After that, Yuuhei told Kaya that they'll be back by two days. They'll give her tomorrow to clean the place and cut any connections with food dealers, and then the day after that, they'll get Kaya and move her to another city, get her started with handling herself as a temporary consultant. With how she'll manage that, she had no idea. She didn't even get to finish middle school. Even if she studied in her free time, catching up to what the world outside of her was doing, she doesn't know if she could do this.

Maybe the risk she took was too great. But after realizing that here, in a place, in a store, in an alleyway where nothing ever really changes — she won't get out of the chains that bind her to the smoke. To the cigarette. To her always scratching throat and barren corrupted lungs. Rose-colored they were, indeed; it was that with roses there were always thorns.

Kaya still hopes Katsuki comes back.

So she could say goodbye to her anchor. So she could tell him that it was okay now to let her go, after all.

Kaya could stand a little bit on her own now. She just needs some time, and then maybe she'll come back to this place. To the place where she built herself, and when she comes back she knows nothing changed.

And she'll take comfort in that.

Finally the story she thought was unchangeable was starting to shift in front of her own eyes. It's not exactly thrilling — but it had its appeal. It had so much of it, actually, and Kaya didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Perhaps she has thought that Yoake was fixed in its place, never to go or to pass. She was too used to its presence, as it was the only constant in her sixteen years of existence.

Eventually, all things come to an end.

Kaya knew that more than anyone else.

\- - -

 **a / n ;** ah. i love it when things go downhill! heads up, loves. we're almost at the end.

(i could probably explain kaya's decision in this note, but that takes too much time. just know that she wanted to be truly independent, a person without dependency especially to the cigarette. and she knows the longer she holed herself up in a place that's never-changing, which is a place where yoake was, where katsuki was, she'll never know how to change.)

SavageKill: _heeey. yes, that chapter went to hell pretty quick, right? well, this one's not any better, i suppose, but im sure you're all used to depressing stuff by now! and as you can see, here's the update._


	28. chasers and chances

**C H A S E R S**

 **A N D**

 **C H A N C E S**

Yoake was the only thing Kaya thought she would never, ever lose.

Because people eventually disappear. That's a fact. That's too much of a fact that Kaya doesn't know why people still make the effort to attach themselves to temporary things. Kaya was one of those people, she knew that. That no matter what she says, she'll never be able to deny that she cares too much even when she knew she shouldn't, because didn't caring and loving leave people broken? Didn't they shatter all hopes?

They did.

They did, and most people don't care about that because the hurt was apparently worth it.

And though Kaya knows she's attached far too easily to people, she still made an effort to detach herself from them somehow. Like she did with both Pogako and Amira; she learned their faults and studied their flaws — so it will be much more easier to let go of them permanently once they walk out of her life. And it's working so far. It's working great, actually. It wasn't her fault Amira's brother walked away from her. It wasn't her fault Pogako decided he couldn't stay the same after Amira left. It wasn't her fault Pogako gave false hopes to Katou. It wasn't her fault Amira decided that after all Pogako's sacrificed for her, she will still turn him away — even when she loved him the way he did her. It wasn't her fault that they hurt Katou so much he retreated back into acting like nothing's wrong. It wasn't her burden to take. It was theirs. She keeps repeating on and on that it was their choice to leave. And if they stayed, they wouldn't have much of a future in Yoake, considering the circumstances. It's not going to be her fault anymore now.

But then, it's not just people Kaya gave herself to. It's whatever surrounding her. It's her home. And her home was with Yoake. It will always, always be with Yoake. But it's a store; it couldn't really mean much, could it? Inanimate. Non-living. Something with little significance, yet not temporary. Kaya thought like that once. She followed that pattern, in this life of hers. That as long as it wasn't a person, it wouldn't leave. It can't leave. Though apparently the universe wanted to prove that wrong. That nothing really stays forever, no matter what you do. No matter how hard you believe.

And Kaya doesn't know how to find the fault in this. How will she start to learn a flaw that was never there? How will she make abandoning Yoake a burden easier to carry? How will she accept that the only thing that won't leave, is leaving?

She can't.

It's impossible. That's something she can never do today. Or tomorrow, or the next day. But she knows by time, it'll heal. That maybe when she remembers the store she once owned, five years from now, her heart will still ache and her heartstrings will still tug a little bit painfully, but at the end of the day, she knows that she has accepted it. That she's going to look at the memories of Yoake still standing proud and strong and beautiful with all its purple neon lights with a bittersweet smile, but never with regret that she abandoned it. At least, she hopes. She hopes that she won't come to regret the choice she made. That hopefully somewhere far from here, she would find something worth all the pain.

And what she would find would be the change she wanted to see and live.

Now that she's about to lose the one thing she thought was certain, she hoped that one day she wouldn't lose herself too.

(But maybe she already has.)

\- - -

Kaya thought she would have to break the news to her two remaining employees by feeding them lies about having to do this not because of her selfish means, but she didn't have to do that, apparently.

"We know already, Kaya-chan," said Jinks, and he was already holding his Yoake uniform in his hands. It was folded perfectly, neat and nice, the Yoake cap on top of it. Jinks' hands were quivering under the clothes, and it almost broke through Kaya's resolve to not cry in front of her employees, although she was younger, because that'd be lame, right? She should be a little bit like the boss she should be now. She should come off as someone strong.

"And we don't blame you at all." finished Yoru, doing the very same thing Jinks was doing: holding out his uniform. Though it wasn't folded as meticulously as Jinks' was, and it made Kaya chuckle a little bit.

It was then that Kaya heard the sobbing. The sniffling. It wouldn't take a genius to know that it was Yoru who was starting that and Kaya basically begged herself not to look, because if she did, she knew she'd burst into tears too.

"We're.. we're proud that you were our boss. Like, really. I'm probably a handful, and you still stuck with me. I'm not as capable as Jinks and.. and still," Yoru sobbed out, "Thank you."

Jinks nodded, "Yeah, thank you, Kaya-chan. You're the best boss we could've asked for."

With tears almost on the way, Kaya held them back with a smile, "Yeah right. I'm your only boss."

And they shared one last laugh.

"Keep your uniforms, please," pleaded Kaya, "so when you go you'll remember this little place someday. And that you were part of this even for a short while."

Jinks and Yoru smiled, now holding the uniforms close to their chest. And with heavy hearts and strained smiles they walked out of the store, the chime tingling as they left.

Kaya frowned, hearing the sound. She chose to ignore it, and looked around the place that was once Yoake. The shelves were set aside, all empty. The floor was slightly dusted and the walls were painted white; not black and lavender. The counter's gone too. And all that's actually left are empty boxes. The place was deserted. You would never be able to tell now that this was actually Yoake, save for the heater that was casually wrapped differently than the other appliances.

Kaya didn't know why she did that to the heater, really. Maybe it meant too much to her now, because of Katsuki. Maybe it was because when she leaves, it'll be the only thing she'll ever remember about him. Because she doesn't know if she'll remember him or not, if she forced herself to change. She doesn't know if she'll manage not to forget something both painful and beautiful.

Ah, but maybe she'll remember him after all. Because he was the one who she made her anchor. She was the one who made him promise not to let her go but here she was; the hypocrite. The one letting go. Katsuki was the one who Kaya wanted to know more about. He was the one Kaya couldn't stop but attach herself to. She doesn't know why — maybe there's a pull circling him, making Kaya gravitate around him always. Making Kaya comfortable in his presence, making Kaya feel like she was the safest she could be.

And yes; Kaya knows why. Kaya knows what she feels, she knows what this is. It was the question why that she couldn't answer. The only thing she knew was that if it's Katsuki, it's worth it. If it's him, maybe she could learn how to trust and to forgive and to care.

Kaya cared about the hot-headed blond; she cared more than she wanted to. It's different from the way she cares about Katou, about Pogako and Amira. It's different about how she once cared about Missa.

And no it's not _that_ kind of love — but something so close to it. She's too green to pretend that she feels something so strong and unhindered. All she knows is that she wanted to let him know that she has always believed in him, and no matter where she may go, she'll always carry a part of him. As a thank you. As an act of gratitude for keeping up with her for this long. Kaya knows she's often annoying and vexing. She knows she's not the best company, and she's grateful that Katsuki hasn't pretended at first to be kind to someone like her. It's a fresh start for the both of them that fateful night, meeting someone who would accept them for who they are.

And if he decided to come by today, of all days, she had one more thing to give him, Kaya thought, sparing the white violets from across the room a glance. She took the flowers and the heater and left, not bothering to remove the chime.

And when the chime tingled, she took great comfort in knowing that that was the last time she'll ever hear the sound of someone leaving.

Kaya held tightly to the cigarette between her fingers, creasing and bending the tobacco until it eventually fled the confines of her hands.

The smoke has yet to fade away. But she knows it will go one day.

Kaya looked up to see the metal covers. She smiled, she's going to do this for the last time too. She hooked her fingers on the handle of the covers and pulled down, savoring the scratching of the metal against concrete.

And it was right then that she heard his voice.

"Why the fuck are you locking up?"

Standing there was Katsuki, with Jinks and Yoru behind him. He already knows, then, and Kaya thought she would be able to breathe easier with him around her but it wasn't, it was always like this with him, he was unpredictable and Kaya never knew how he'd react.

Though there was something different about him today. He was battered, clearly beaten up due to the amount of bandages that covered both his torso and limbs. But nevertheless, he still looked like always: confident and proud. And Kaya couldn't be more happier to have a reminder of that.

Kaya swallowed and pushed the tears back.

"I can't lock up?" Kaya recited, a bittersweet smile hanging on her lips.

"Yeah. because.. guess what, I'm going to buy." Katsuki replied, playing his part — though he recited with a calmer, significantly lower tone. And Kaya thought she imagined his voice break, even just a tiny bit, for someone like him.

"Afraid not, sweetcheeks. Maybe the next store has what you want."

"Yeah?" Katsuki scoffed, "They don't have you."

Kaya didn't know what came first — her broken laugh or her tears. She didn't know what came to crack her shallow flower pot, but all her options end with Katsuki. It all ends with him. Starts with him.

"Katsuki-chan, where have you been? The ramen's cold already."

"Well, I'm fucking sorry for being kidnapped, then."

"Wait, what? Oh my god, that's crazy. You're crazy. Are you okay?"

Katsuki scrunched up his nose like what Kaya asked was insulting, "Of course I am. And you, as always, look like utter shit."

"That's not fair. I'm just sobbing ugly over here but you look like you've been run over by a truck but then.." Kaya sighed, "Ah. Who cares. You still look good even with all those bruises. This is so unfair."

"I always look damn good, woman."

"Yes, that's why it's unfair, you fruitcake."

" _Fruitcake_?"

"Adorable. Say it again."

"Shut up. Don't just fucking change the topic again. Why are you locking up, you idiotic woman?"

"I'm giving this up now, Katsuki-chan."

"I repeat, you're a fucking idiot."

Kaya would have laughed a bit at that, but all she managed was a tired smile, "It's alright. It's what I have to do to let go. You should too."

"You told me to hold on to you, right? Fucking stick with it."

"It's not worth it anymore."

"I didn't say it was," Katsuki clicked his tongue, "Isn't this your dream? Shouldn't you give a damn?"

"It was, once," Kaya felt a pang in her chest, "but now I realize that my dream is to change. And become better than this, I suppose. Because, you know, Katsuki-chan.. I've always lived in a fantasy where I thought everything was broken. And I don't want to live that fantasy anymore."

"And because of that, I think you can let go now," continued Kaya, her voice breaking in the end, because it hurt to say that— because deep inside her she knew she didn't want him to go, "I want to try holding on to myself rather than finding someone to fulfill it for me."

"Fine," Katsuki gritted out, "Fucking fine, Kaya. Just make sure that when you come back — you've already achieved your dream. You've finally changed. Alright, woman?"

"Sure, Katsuki-chan," Kaya grinned, "let's achieve these dreams together."

"You fucking bet we will."

"And hey, Katsuki-chan? I totally knew you'd be back today. I'm amazing," Katsuki rolled his eyes at that, "So. These are for you."

Katsuki looked at the white violets offered to him with an eyebrow raised, but accepted it with a scowl nonetheless, "And these are for?"

"They're white violets. Look up their meaning, or something. It's not cool if I say it, yanno," said Kaya with a cackle.

"Thank you, Katsuki-chan."

Kaya pressed her lips to Katsuki's forehead, for a short while, and the blond blinked for a few times.

Kaya only smiled and bid one last farewell.

"I'll wait."

Katsuki went home that night with his heart pounding in his chest.

\- - -

Katsuki tossed and turned in his bed after their interaction with the newfound flower's meaning dancing in his thoughts:

 _Let's take a chance._

And he decided, that night, that they will.

Because really, haven't they waited long enough?

\- - -

 **a / n ;**

uwu what's this? development? but no? it's crap? i have a feeling that this whole chapter was cringey. i feel the end so much it makes me sigh. can't believe it's been like a year since i made this since i officially started august 2017 and i just reposted the first few chaps at ff. thank you all so much for sticking with me. (:

Savage Kill : yes, that was exactly what i was going for! thanks for reviewing!

 _and omg we've reached the 50 mark for favorites and follows! thank u all and i love u!_


	29. clocks and turns

**C L O C K S**

 **A N D**

 **T U R N S**

It's a beautiful thing — time.

Constant. Always moving, always present, always there. It's cruel, at the same time, but that's what makes it more beautiful. It's what makes it truly real in a world full of plastic.

Time's like fire sometimes, and in some ways also as much as it wasn't. Fire's almost never-ending. It almost never stops growing and consuming and burning. Time burns down, and you're left with the ashes but it doesn't stop there. A forestfire, when put out, goes in a blackened fashion — but time? You can't stop it. You can't stop the clock. You can't stop the ticking. You can't keep it from burning out — from burning you. And in the end, your remains won't be ashes. It'll be smoke. Like an uncovering mist.

( _Tick tock, tick tock_.)

Time runs out, but doesn't stop.

Perhaps, Kaya knows that now. Her time in the place she once (and still) considered home, has run out in a way she couldn't have fathomed — but that's only one of many. There's plenty of time left. You have to accept that when things go, something new always replaces it. In that way you can live with knowing that everything is, as ironic as it sounds, permanently temporary.

Perpetually ephemeral.

Always changing, always phasing, always not the same.

Always leaving you behind to carry the ashes.

And Kaya finds that tragically beautiful. Because time will and always hurt you. It will always disappoint you. You will always loathe it from the bottom of your heart. But no matter how much you hate it, you can't live without it.

Kaya hears a whistling crack from a distance, that night. It's faint at first, and the sound grows and grows and _grows_ — until it's the only thing she hears. It's the _fire_. It's come for her, she knows it. It has emerged from the crack of her shallow flower pot, because right now there weren't any violets planted on it; the wilted flowers were gone — they're now with someone else ( _with him_ ) and Kaya knows they will grow so much better there than it did with her.

( _There. The new sky. The new light. The new meaning of hope. Him._ )

The fire comes, and Kaya thought she was ready for it. And she was. She really, really was. Because the fire, after all — was only the smoke. The nicotine. The cigar. The reason why the roses and violets blooming inside Kaya's lungs were all dead.

She knows she's ready for the fire to go out.

 _"Kaya-san, Yuuhei-sensei told me you have an addiction for cigarettes. Is this true?"_

Of course it's true.

Can't you see how _tired_ she is?

 _"You do know this is unhealthy, right?"_

Shut up.

She knows that.

 _"You need to stop."_ _"This is a clinic."_

Oh, please.

Who _cares_?

 _"Yuuhei-sensei wanted you to be an apprentice counselor. You can't be one if you have problems dealing with your issues."_

Who said she wanted to be here?

Who said she had to be like one of you?

 _"You did. You want this, don't you, Kaya-san?"_

Want _what_?

 _"A change."_

Ah.

The woman was right, wasn't she?

Kaya wanted this.

She's here— she's here because she wants out. Out of the life back there. Out of the life that cages her to everything that breaks her little by little, one by one.

And.. and Kaya's not there now. She's here. She's taking on the challenge of change.

This is only one small step towards it.

(She takes it.)

 _"This is where you'll be living in for a long duration of time, Kaya-san. We hope you enjoy your stay. 0800 am tomorrow, Yuuhei-sensei's waiting for you."_

Kaya accepts the key to the house.

It wasn't small, but it wasn't big either. Like her house before. But somehow this one was different — it wasn't dark around here. Not.. not like the bunker. Here, her new neighbors were frantically waving and greeting her, whilst the bunker was always, always silent and lonely and _suffocating_.

This wasn't the same.

Everything wasn't empty — barren — cold.

Cold.

She needs the fire for that, doesn't she?

Ah.

Does she?

Yes; time's like fire sometimes. But unlike the fire ( _which can be put out which can vanish which can_ go) time heals, if you learn to live with acceptance.

Time's eternal. The fire is not.

Kaya knows it will take the flames away.

—

Katsuki was tired.

Not physically, no. Perhaps he was tired of waiting. He considered that once. That maybe it takes too much of an effort to stand by and just painfully, _agonizingly_ , wait.

But in the end he laughed it the hell off.

It's ridiculous.

How can he be the top hero if he can't even do this?

Stupid, mediocre, half-assed thing. He can do it. He'll wait for the time when she comes back home. He knows they'll see each other soon, if the building in front of him says anything, it's that.

When Katsuki looks at the place where a certain bright, glowing, obnoxious store once was a year ago, he couldn't see anything but a sign. A sign that no matter where that insufferable woman was, they will cross paths again. He knows it. He fucking knows it.

'Yuuhei Clinics' my fucking ass.

Stupid, idiotic, bastardous Yuuei. Thinking puuting the character 'h' on their clinic's name would make any difference.

With a crooked grin, Katsuki put another flower of white violet on the building's pavement.

He's waiting too.

(And that's a year down now.)

—

Kaya's house is almost void of cigarettes.

Almost.

The nicotine isn't completely gone. Kaya thinks it'll never, ever be truly gone. But she still wanted to try. Wanted to let herself know that she did what she could. That behind all of this, she was just human. Was just another person who held on to something too tightly that the only thing that can be done for her to let go was to think that she had.

Kaya holds the familiar jet black ring close to her chest and she hums.

("You're improving. Yuuhei-sensei is really happy."

She is, too.

"He says you can be moved under a different wing now."

"You're doing great.")

All in the sake of a wait.

—

A year later, there was once again a white violet left on the pavement.

—

Kaya met a child at the clinic one day.

He wasn't there for any therapies or courses the clinic was known for, as it turns out he was one of the interns there and Kaya couldn't help but notice that the clinic offers the unlikeliest people chances. Or maybe they were a little knocked in the head.

The boy was vibrant.

His name is Teji.

Aside from vibrant, Teji was also odd.

He always carries around a pack of candies with different flavors, and then he gives the candies away everytime. He gave Kaya one the first time they met, and Kaya could vividly remember the grape flavour of the candy. He continues giving Kaya one whenever they see each other. He does it to everybody else. When he runs out of candy, he just kisses everyone's hand instead.

The act is sweet, like the candies, he said.

But Kaya never saw him eat a single candy in all the time she's saw him. The other people at the clinic notices it, too. Teji only gives, and gives, and _gives_.

Few months later Teji talked to her.

("Do you know why I keep giving candies, Kaya-nee?"

Kaya doesn't.

"Because people only treat you nicely if you're nice. If you're sweet."

Kaya can't help but think that it's true.

"The candies are always covered in plastic. It's fake, Kaya-nee. And I feel like that. I'm like that."

Kaya tells him it's okay.

It's okay to pretend.

But he was a kid. And he's broken.

"It's pathetic, the way things are. And I'm in the middle of it."

Kaya tells him that it was okay for the second time.)

Kaya noticed Teji a lot more afterwards.

The candies started to taste bitter.

—

Another year.

Another white violet on the pavement.

—

Kaya was surprised to see Pogako as a client in the clinic.

She almost didn't recognize him with how long his brown hair has gotten. It was painfully obvious that they were unkempt, along with his facial hair. If Kaya didn't ever see his eyes, she wouldn't have known it was him.

But, she wasn't the only one who was surprised.

"Kaya," she tried to smile at Pogako's greeting, though it was more of a shocked utterance than a conscious thought.

"Pogako-san," Kaya returned, the formality of it burning through her tongue, "You're here because of.." she looked down at his file, "drug addiction."

Kaya swallowed and closed the folder.

"You _guys_ are really trouble magnets."

Pogako smiled faintly at the insinuation, "What can we do? We're sort of like you."

"That's neat," Kaya rolled her eyes, "but I'm not a counselor. I won't handle your sessions, I guess."

The brunette seemed to frown.

"But I'll be present at the sessions. You'll need a familiar face for those, I think."

Pogako responded with a grin that made him look like the person he was before.

Kaya told herself it was another step taken.

—

Beneath the new year's fireworks was a lone fresh white violet dancing to the hum of the wind on a pavement.

—

The flames are almost gone.

They still linger in her house, swirling the place in the form of memories and smoke. It's alright, Kaya tells herself. She needed those things to help her remember. To remember how exactly she got here. To remember what made the nights easier to go through. To remember what made her sleeps go dreamless.

She waits.

In the clinic, in the corners, in the streets, in the alleyways, she waits. Everywhere, everyday.

She waits for the time she'll see them again. For the time she'll know his answer.

For the time when she'll know if he took the chance.

Because Kaya did. She did; because she knows it's worth the wait, the pain, the suffering. She knows he's the person that keeps her on her toes, still hoping, still believing — and Kaya finds that beautiful. So, so beautiful it holds everything she's ever taken faith in.

Katsuki is the one who made her dream. Who made her want to change when she has always thought she'll never know how to. He was the one who saw a galaxy in the night sky. The one who made everything more incredible than they already are. He gives hope though he never knows he does; and Kaya bets he makes the rivers go dry with only his sheer magnificent existence painting, obscuring the world because he's larger than life. He's the one that gives light to the moon Kaya always found fascinating. He's the song the storm sings and the force the tides tell.

Kaya's never found anyone to be more beautiful and incredible and _worth it._

—

And a year goes. A pavement gets decorated with a white violet.

They're still waiting.

—

 _ **possible chapters left before epilogue:** 2 – 3_

[ an. ] why r u guys still even reading this akskksjsjs

DreamsOfTheDamn : glad u find them cute *inserts hearts*

CocoaFirefly : although i have given thought to her quirk, idk if i'll reveal it since, as you said, it isn't the main focus. maybe i'll insert it to the faqs section after the story? thank you too!

Savage Kill : ah, as u see, they'll be meeting soon. didn't really intend it to be a long timeskip/wait, so. and yep, here's the update. im feeling productive. thanks!

Heaven's First Winter : thank you sm!! ive had the idea for this story for some time now, and it's not epic-length or very action-centered, so im happy you like it as much as you do!

 _thank u all for the responses and reviews! it makes my heart v warm._


	30. kings and queens

**K I N G S**

 **A N D**

 **Q U E E N S**

Love, Kaya learned, has many meanings.

And, all of those, are meanings you can't truly explain. You can say that love means steadily hoping. That it's a feeling that makes you jump for a leap of faith — the feeling of going in blind but trusting whoever's holding your hand to guide you through. You can say, too, that love means sacrificing. That it's giving up everything you ever held dear for someone else entirely. That it's becoming hopeless yet full of love. That it's walking in the dark thinking at the end there's going to be a tunnel of light (even though there's often none; but you still trust in the feeling, anyway).

People could dance around it, play with the words, alter the phrasing, give it a completely new thought. But nobody could deny that love was.. indescribable. Something you can't fully wrap yourself around, but still, you find that when you're older, no matter how bitter you've become — that you'll always long for this enigmatic, puzzling emotion. You can live in denial, say that only hate will contain you, but deep inside, why do you think in the first place that hate is the only thing left for you? Isn't it because you thought that you don't deserve love? That you don't need it? But doesn't that mean that once upon a time, you wanted it too? But you couldn't have it, so you settled for its counterpart: hate.

But love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You can't hate and not love. You can't love and not hate. The two will always coexist; for one cannot be without the other. It's like an old, cheesy fairy tale, Kaya thinks, and yes, the more she thinks about it, the more it makes sense. Like a riddle. Like poetry. Neither bad nor good; just enough to make you feel, as people like to say.

Kaya's learned a lot — she's maintaining a rather decent job, and she still loves to ponder about random topics, like this one. Her mind is constantly active and she likes it that way, because really, why do people love, and why do they hate? Do they do that for their own satisfaction or is it something they can't control? Kaya's never felt both of the emotions; not widely, that is. Perhaps, shallow versions of those, she has already felt, and that in itself is already ambiguous, as she thinks of a certain blond. We never know if we're really in love or in hate. We label our emotions, and has it never occurred to people's minds that, somehow, they're labelling them so completely false? Of course it occurs to them. The problem is, they don't think it's true. They don't think it's worth thinking about.

And honestly, maybe it's not. But that doesn't mean it's not important. Maybe the whole topic will only confuse people. Maybe it will just make them full of doubt, so no one directly addresses it; because they fear what they can become if they do. They're afraid how they'll see the world now — how will it look like in red? In blue? In white? In black? In complete, utter darkness, as you question your own existence?

(And, _you're alive_ , they say. _Isn't that enough?_ they question.)

( _I hope,_ you answer.)

—

Kaya stared at the opened television across the street.

There aren't much people crowding it, now, and there's something there that draws Kaya's attention. A promise of something. And as the crowd disperses, she realizes that there _is_ something there. Something golden — and incredible.

The appliance continues on, talking of the hero who currently saved some civilians near town, and oh, there's somebody there too, somebody with crimson hair but no; Kaya doesn't see that person — she doesn't see anyone else, really. No one except for the person in the middle, getting interviewed, but the only thing he said was 'fuck off' and the reporter accepts that, supposedly used to it, and Kaya watches on and on, her eyes reaching his name on the headlines. And, ah, she didn't need to ask whose hero name that was. It was already given.

 _King._

And Kaya realized, that her Katsuki-chan's already up there — going so far, trying to reach his dreams, regal as he is, beautiful and full of life.

King, it fits him, Kaya thinks, and then finally gives in to the thought that why wasn't it _God_? Or was that too much, even for his resident vain attitude? Or would it be invalid, for someone like him, someone so obviously a royalty, be placed with the title of something divine? Why, isn't he someone who watched over the mortals? _His fellow mortals_ , Kaya realizes, and maybe that was why he was a king. He rules, at some point dictates, but a god bares no crown, no strict measures, no direct rules; there's freedom in it, but with Katsuki, there will always be something ruthless — something not everyone considers ambrosial, not like a celestial being — but a royalty. Something to bow down to. Someone who's not always kind and forgiving. Someone with sovereignty in bloodshed.

Kaya smiles as the television goes off and the sound of static fills her ears.

There's silence; and the city revels in it for a while, until the cloak of quietude lifts, and the city's bustling again.

Kaya had missed this, she just knew it so, for once again a smile tugs at her lips as she gazes at a coffee shop with a seemingly never-changing color scheme.

She had told Katou she'd be coming home this day, and certainly, she couldn't count it as a coincidence that there's currently a spiky blond waiting inside The Quill, looking particularly agitated by everything. Katou, that asshole old man, probably told Katsuki all about her arrival — and it was supposed to be a planned-out, nice surprise. It's.. the first time in a long while that Kaya's seen him personally, and he— he hadn't changed much. Sure, he's taller, he's older, they both are. But Kaya sees the same Katsuki-chan who hoarded all of her spicy food's stock, never once bothering to apologize for some of the ramen she so knew he didn't _fully_ pay.

Truth is, the sight of him alone makes her heart falter. She doesn't know if she could take a single step forward, what will she even say? _Hello_? _Sorry, I haven't contacted you for years_? Kaya's confidence all but stayed with her, now, because the only thing she could do was hide behind a lampost which wasn't doing her any good.

Kaya's afraid. She's afraid that Katsuki's answer was something that could potentially break her intention of ever coming back to this place and— and Kaya knows it'll _hurt_. Oh yeah, it'll hurt but she'll get over it, won't she? But when? What if he doesn't want to take a chance? What if he had stopped waiting— but then, why was he there? Why was here, so _painfully_ , obviously waiting?

Kaya would have just about cackled right then and there, if it wouldn't make her look like a complete lunatic that's out of her mind.

What was she even worrying for? Whatever his answer is, she'll accept it. She told him she'll wait. She did. And she's here now, done with waiting. The only thing that she's looking forward to was.. him.

And so, with repeating a mantra of 'no regrets' deeply rooted inside her mind, she entered The Quill with a small, could be hesitant, smile, that quickly broke out into a grin once she met the eyes of Katsuki.

They're bright and beaming — the way she expected them to be. They speak of hundreds to thousands of emotions; and it made Kaya's breath hitch. Maybe she was wrong, after all. Maybe there was something that changed within Katsuki — it was how his eyes looked because somehow, somehow they're more alive. Maybe it was because he's the nearest to his dream as he could be, and Kaya knows he'll go further and _further_. He just will because— because he's _him_.

"Katsuki-chan."

And even though he admits he doesn't appreciate the added honorific one bit, Kaya knows a smile when she sees one.

"Kaya."

It makes her heart beat way too fast, and she entirely blames Katsuki for it. Choosing now of all times to call her by her name.

And Kaya sits down from across him, both of them settling into their comfortable silence, albeit taking a little awkward motions. It's reassuring, that that didn't change significantly over time.

Katou's watching them, from afar, snickering into his hand. He's a manager now for The Quill, and it made Kaya proud, maybe too proud, when she heard the news — that promotion doesn't excuse the way he obviously laughed at them, though. Kaya's pretty sure he just ruined the moment.

(But Kaya's happy for Katou. She really was. He seems a lot happier now, and his smile? That fake, staged smile? It actually seems genuine, at some moments. It actually seemed real.)

"So. Officially a hero now, eh, Katsuki-chan?" started Kaya, leaning back on her chair.

"It's a start," Katsuki said, "Just you watch. I'll be top hero soon enough."

"I have absolutely no doubts in that," Kaya nods, smiling, "I'm working on myself, too, and I think I'm also off to a start." and you're one of the reasons why.

"As you damn should."

Kaya laughs at that, "As I damn should." And Kaya's gaze turns outside, where there was the same redhead she saw on the telecast, though she didn't catch his name.

"Who's that guy outside, though? You know him, don't you, Katsuki-chan?"

And as if Katsuki knows exactly who Kaya was talking about, the blond sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, muttering something like, ' _told that idiot to go ahead without me, fucking bastard._.' and honestly, Kaya was amused.

After a few begrudging seconds, he answered, "That's Kirishima."

"Kirishima?"

"... a friend."

Kaya's eyebrows shot up at this, and her face brightens like the sun. There was something with the way Katsuki admitted that this Kirishima person was his friend. It was.. comforting — too comforting — that Katsuki's not only close to being top hero, but also close to trusting people now. He's.. accepting the idea, the whole notion of it, and Kaya finds that one of the best things to ever happen.

"Did I just hear you admit that someone's your friend, mm, Katsuki-chan?"

Kaya may have imagined it, but Katsuki rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, shut up."

"I suppose you'll be able to say so nicely now that we're friends? Like, super friends?"

"You're not a friend," Katsuki scoffed, "You're more than that. Thought you always fucking knew."

Kaya swore there was a retort ready to snap back at the back of her tongue that moment, but she couldn't help but to close and open her mouth like a fish.

If he just said what she thought he did, then maybe there was a chance, after all?

"Are you saying that you're taking that chance with me, Katsuki-chan?"

And as if Katsuki couldn't believe she was just asking him that, he looked at her for what it felt like a minute.

Then he pulled out something from under the table.

A four-leaf clover.

And Katsuki was giving this to her.

"Maybe this will answer your stupid question, woman."

Kaya's well-versed with the language of flowers.

And even though she knows what this means, she still found herself asking, "And this is for?"

Katsuki grinned at her, "You should know. It's not cool if I say it, hm?"

And yeah, she does now.

A four-leaf clover, saying, so blatantly:

 _Will you be mine?_

Kaya almost cackled and cried, at the same time, because hells— he took the chance. With her. With someone who isn't even that fixed yet but— but he did. He took the chance and— and now he's asking her a question that shouldn't really be asked because couldn't he already tell? Couldn't he tell that she always, even back then, would answer the only thing left to be said?

" _Yes_."

—

The city was devoured by night, conquered by stars, and loomed over by the moon.

And yes, not much changed.

Kaya thinks the city will never, ever change. The streetlights will always flicker and fade, the vendors will always stay there with their grills — unminding of the people who are inhaling the astute amount of smoke they produce, the civilians will never be able to cease their chatter whilst out and about the vicinity — they will always, always be there as a reminder that this city was alive (and that it was never-changing, no matter who was there).

Perhaps it was wrong of Kaya to think that something will stir while she was gone, while she tried to save herself and part from the nicotine. And although there's a sting there, in her heart, to not see Yoake in that alleyway, she has long accepted the fact that it's gone now.

The night is calm, even though the winds howl and cry. And no; not everyone is alright, not Amira, not Pogako, but they're getting by. Katou's almost there. Almost back to who he was. Missa and Meiko? Frankly, Kaya couldn't find it in herself to care, but she hopes they're content.

Kaya? Katsuki?

Ah. They're getting there.

They know they will. Because this time, they will both carry themselves there. With no one more to rely on, just themselves, independently — they know they'll get through. They know they'll cross the waves, tame the sea, halt the rain and part the clouds. And beneath all of those there's the sun.

The sunshine in both their smiles.

( _Yes. There's sunshine in your smile_.)

And this time — as she looked out the window, her tears had dried, the smoke had cleared and for the first time in years she wasn't fighting a losing battle; she was ending one while the calmest of feelings dominated her heart.

 **—**

 **e n d**

 **—**

[ **an.** ] yes, it's the end. i know i said there's like, supposed to be two more, but i squeezed them into one. here it is. here's where we stop.

thank you all so so much!

dw, an afterword's on the way.

i love you all. shen x

 ** _afterword._**

[ started ]

: aug2017

c. serayume

dsc. horikoshi rightfully owns bnha, i only own my ocs

—

frankly speaking, i cannot believe it's done. though maybe i do — and i'm in denial. i'm relieved that at a standstill's done, but i know i'll miss updating this regularly. and like, all the feedback and support i received for this fanfic!

—

 **01 )**

ah, if you're questioning why it ended like this, or whatever, why fast, and why isn't even there uh, an 'i like you' or 'i love you'?

— one. at a standstill is not an epic-length fic. it's not something you read for a long time. it's a sort of quick-fic. it's a story you read when you're bored. when you want a quick fix, quick read. hustling into 40-50k in total, aas is something you can go through for just a rough few hours. for a day, for just some moments in your life. it's meant to be like that, really.

— two. why isn't there any blatant i like/love yous. honestly, i thought about this for a bit. if i should put one, make them confess. but it's... not like them. it's not like them to be so open. i tried writing that scene, it turned out as the crappiest garbage.

 **02 )** addressing kaya's quirk.

— originally, kaya doesn't have one. like nope, nah, nada. but i've given hints that she has one, figure out where bec i don't remember where i put them, tbh. there's not much detail about her quirk (if there is even one, really) but all i can tell you from what i've built is it's heat-related. no, not fire. heat. it only has external effects.

 **03 )** what happened to katou, pogako, amira, and other side characters?

— in case anyone finds it as a minor loophole, im adding this section. katou is now a manager in the quill, if you didn't catch that. pogako's currently still recovering from drug addiction. he's in rehab, courtesy of yuuhei clinics, too. amira is still working in a brothel, that's not gonna change soon. missa, kaya's mother, is yeah, still there, still alive and good, but she knows that yoake's gone now.

 **04 )** finally, why is kaya like her character now? why is she like that? why is she an orphan? an addict?

— i know people who smoke. it's not that severe, and even though im not fully attached, there's something there. like concern. i don't know. but kaya's a person who has lost her parents, as cliché as that came off. i should also address why it's like that. i didn't like, kill her parents off for like, the teenage angst, even though missa is alive. it's mainly because of her inheriting yoake, since it requires that, though not directly. i also planned an out-of-school youth character, and im pretty sure her parents won't allow that, especially if they have financial backing. okay, going back to topic, kaya has an addiction mainly because people generally accept smoking compared to drinking and that's not really okay for me. because why? smoking's as much of a bad influence as drinking is. drinking, if not overdone, is relatively fine. smoking, even if you only do it once or twice, isn't. it never is. i don't know. just think about it.

—

that's about it, i suppose. for an ending message:

thank you. thank you all so so much. i know i have many people to thank for supporting this fanfic this far (bec hey! you're here! that's.. wow. you endured the ride).

i grew while writing this. there's something more to my writing now, and i had that because i continued to write this. i know it isn't much, but it's the first fic that i've successfully finished. sure, i've completed some, but those are oneshots, drabbles, short stories. i can't label this as the same. it's not long, not too short — and i feel incredible satisfaction upon finishing this.

i hope you all enjoyed at a standstill.

i hope this suffices.

(omygod i can cry now you're all so precious)

thank you all so much again, and i love all of you with my heart and soul. aha. no clowning.

if there's any more questions, just drop them. see you all soon! i'm planning tons of fics now.

bye lovelies, it's been wonderful!

—

x


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